Posts tagged with “wisdom”
How to Love an Addict (Who Doesn’t Love Themselves)
I grew up in a family of high-functioning addicts. We looked like the perfect family, but as we all know, looks can be deceiving. No one was addicted to drugs, so that obviously meant that we had no problems. Cigarettes, alcohol, food, and work don’t count, right?
I have come to realize that what we are addicted to is nowhere near as important as the admission that we’re addicted to something. When we try to make ourselves feel better by telling ourselves that gambling or porn or beer is nowhere near as bad as crack or heroin, we are …
Healing from the Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse
“Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.” ~Unknown
When I first experienced narcissistic abuse as an adult, it was a at a time when the term “narcissistic abuse” was not so heard of or understood.
I had met a handsome, intelligent, charismatic, and charming man, and as is typical in abusive relationships, had been completely overwhelmed by the intensity and ‘love’-overload of the early stages.
Before I could catch my breath, though, the nitpicking started, and so did the heated arguments, the jealousy, the cutting contact, and disappearing for …
6 Things to Remember When You Think You Don’t Matter
In a world with billions of people, in a culture that promotes being special and making a big mark, it’s easy to feel like you don’t matter.
Maybe you’ve felt it all your life—like you have no purpose, no value, and nothing to contribute to anyone around you.
Maybe you feel it off and on, when you’re struggling to find love or direction and think you need to somehow prove your worth.
Or maybe you know that your life has value, but every now and then, when your head hits your pillow, you wonder if in the end, it …
How to Reduce Holiday Stress by Setting Strong Boundaries
I love the holidays. I eagerly anticipate the first snowfall, adore the scent of pine, and watch It’s A Wonderful Life every year without fail.
That said, even the merriest among us know that the holidays can be emotionally, physically, and psychologically taxing. In addition to buying gifts, negotiating travel plans, and shuttling from gathering to gathering, many of us spend extended time with our families—and every family, no matter how loving, has its fair share of challenges.
When these difficult family dynamics combine with holiday-season stress, we may find ourselves at a crossroads. Do we burn out, freak …
How to Break Unstable Relationship Patterns
“Being willing to accept responsibility for the situation you’re in is the first step to a more fulfilling love life.” ~Renée Suzanne
Remember the haunting ballad “Foolish Games” by Jewel?
Jewel wrote the song when she was sixteen. She kept a serious journal, and said in an interview that a verse in the song was “about a relationship that I was dramatically involved in on paper.”
That pretty much sums up my first relationship, which was a dramatic pseudo-relationship in many ways. I was sixteen going on seventeen, hopelessly romantic yet shrewdly skeptical of love at the same time. …
My Pain Was a Gift and a Catalyst for Growth
“Sometimes pain is the teacher we require, a hidden gift of healing and hope.” ~Janet Jackson
I was becoming more and more confused as to what my feelings were toward my husband. Longing for that personal adult male connection, I started to feel trapped in my marriage. However, I still had a very strong sense of our family unit and my commitment to it.
I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize the family, even if it meant sacrificing my personal happiness. I made a conscious decision that my life was enough. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.…
Inside a Panic Attack: What It’s Like When Anxiety Strikes
“Those who suffer from mental illness are stronger than you think. We must fight to go to work, care for our families, be there for our friends, and act ‘normal’ while battling unimaginable pain.” ~Unknown
It’s strange having a panic attack while surrounded by people. I’m experiencing something so private and so personal, but unless I externalize it, they are completely unaware. It’s almost an art to be able to hide it—to train myself well enough to function in front of others to the point that, if I do reveal to them the nature of my anxiety, they reply, …
Honor Your Progress and the Path That Led You Here
“In time and with water, everything changes.” ~Leonardo da Vinci
This is a story about our past and progress. It’s about holding on and letting go, moving forward by moving inward, and time. And like any good story, it’s a love story in the end. I’m talking about the kind of love that eases suffering and restores peace. The love we show ourselves through patience and unconditional acceptance.
It begins with a box in the back of my hall closet, tucked neatly beneath the snorkeling equipment and board games we always forget about. I’ve moved that box from Texas …
Acceptance Is Not Passive; It’s the Path to Peace
“The price of our vitality is the sum of all of our fears.” ~David Whyte
Acceptance by its very nature is imperfect; it’s messy and often unpleasant, while ultimately leading to a place of growth, a sense of freedom, and a life familiar with ease. I know this because I have had a lot of painful acceptance in my life, and it has been crucial to helping me move beyond the stuckness of fear and suffering.
Years ago, being the natural striving, fun-seeking, achievement-oriented person I was, I ignored the fact that my body felt like a truck had run …
Your Emotions Will Not Drown You; They Will Save You
“You weren’t built to be calm, cool, and collected all the time. If you were, it wouldn’t feel so exhausting.”~Ryan O’Connell
There’s a lot of talk nowadays about “highly sensitive people” and “empaths.” It can be difficult for people who don’t relate to these labels to understand, or even believe what more sensitive folks experience. As a culture, we’re just beginning to grasp what sensitivity is and how to manage our energy.
What Sensitivity Actually Is
It’s easy to get caught up in cultural biases and stigmas concerning personality traits, and sensitivity has always been a part of that. …
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