Are you around your computer much today?

Ok good.  I’m curious to know more about your story too…..

Just who you are…anything. Right now you are words on a screen!

Anita

I got an email and responded that way. Did you get that?  I was out walking so thought that it may show up on this but it didn’t.  Did you get an email?

I have it checked off ‘notify me of follow up replies ‘ via email.  So I get an email from ‘tiny buddha’.  I was able to hit reply, so I did.  I thought it would the same as responding on this page.  Obviously not…

Thank you and I am sorry you felt that I was just wanting to chat.  That is not my intention.  I felt s need to more personally connect but realize now that this type of interaction does not provide for that opportunity.  I hope you did not read anything more into it.  As I said before I am new to this form of communication – first timer.

i will continue with the thread and question 6 which was how we both benefit from our relationship.

Me:

-I have Someone to come home to to keep me company so I’m not lonely

– she has my back. For example helping me through a very difficult work situation that I am currently going through.so that I can get back on my feet again. It would’ve been more difficult and scary figuring it all out on my own .  I’m still going through this right now.

– I benefit from having an extended family. I enjoy spending time with them more than mine. I can be real with them-no pretense. This is different than how it is with my family.

– our dogs. If I don’t have my partner  I don’t have them – It’s complicated. I have lost a dog in a relationship that ended in the past and it is awful

Ok.  Not sure what time zone you are in – I’m CST.

The other part of your question I will answer now

Her:

-she benefits nutritionally from my cooking. She otherwise doesn’t cook (says she ‘can’t’) and eats horribly.

-I introduced her to kayaking which she really enjoys and would likely not have gotten into if I was not in her life

-companionship.  We definitely both benefit from this.  As you say we are social beings and neither of us want to be alone.

-I am he handy person around the house, which is helpful because she is not !

So, since I last posted she sent an email.  I would actually like to share it and get other people’s input but it is too personal and she would be mortified. I do worry about confidentiality posting on such a wide forum. My heart shifted in my chest when her email popped up.  If it means anything, I panicked thinking she was breaking it off with me, strange as that response may seem.  I observed my response – trying to practice some of what I am learning in mindfulness meditation- and thought it was perhaps telling.  Part of me wanted to respond right away because what she said made me feel hopeful.  She is taking responsibility for her part in what she is calling the erosion of our bond.  I chose to wait – meditated for a few minutes and then went for a run.  Another interesting thing I noticed was that I was concerned about how long I was taking to respond, thinking she would be waiting and I didn’t  want HER to panic. Something I do all the time, is take responsibility for other people’s reactions etc.  So I chose to say ‘Thank you.  This means a lot and is good to hear. I need to process this for awhile.  Let’s talk about it in therapy tomorrow ok?”  This is progress for me.  I am trying to break patterns that I have repeated in 2 other long-term relationships.  I stopped  my knee jerk  reaction of responding right away to make the other person feel better.

Well, I am being authentic finally, and truer to myself than ever before.  As for servitude i’m not really sure what that means (not literally but in this context and my situation as described to you)