Hi all. I have an issue that I need advice on. Sometimes strangers can be the most objective so here is my situation. I have two situations in my life and feel strongly that I need to choose one.

Man 1-I met this man in 2009. He is from my culture and we have a lot in common. At the time I met him, I was dating someone else so nothing happened between us. In 2010 he moved. In 2012 I became single and ended up in his city for work. He and I went to dinner and he wanted to pursue things but the long distance had me weary so we lost touch again. In 2014 I was back in his city and we went out again and again we had a great a time. He asked that I stay the week in his city and we really get to know each other. I could not stay and I left. Again we lost contact. He has been reaching out to me over the past year and I recently wrote back when I was having a difficult time with my boyfriend. He wants to meet up and has asked me to visit him or he will visit me. He has said he wants to understand the nature of our connection more and he feels like we never really had a chance.

Man 2-This is my boyfriend of 3 years and we are talking about getting engaged. He and I met at work. He told me he had two small kids and he and the mother of his children were not together. I felt an incredibly attraction to him and felt he was the one. I found out he was not being honest and that the relationship with his kids mom was not over and that they were together for the sake of their two small kids. I broke up with him immediately. He and she broke up after that and he went to therapy to deal with the lies he had told. Months later, he and I reconciled. It took a long time to forgive but ultimately I did and we started building our life together. His ex moved on and met someone who makes her happy as well. He introduced me to his kids and his ex and all is settled there. Over the past year however, I have noticed that my once loving partner has changed and his expectations of me feel unrealistic. I gave up spending time doing the things I enjoyed because he and the kids always wanted me with them. Also, his parenting style is very different than how I would parent and I often felt unseen/ignored while they were with us (over 50% of the time). We fought a lot and this has been an incredibly challenging relationship due to our conflicts and basically merging me into his family. I brought this to his attention a couple weeks ago and  he has made significant changes to his behavior and would also like to see a counselor with me so we can get to a healthier place in our relationship.

In addition to the issues we have endured in this past year, I am harboring hard feelings about the fact that our relationship has not evolved into commitment. I wanted to have try for kids and have spent 3 years in this situation. I blame myself but also him that I have lost this precious time (I am in my late 30’s). My boyfriend knew what I wanted, is deeply remorseful over time lost, wants to get engaged and try to start to have a child with me. I have tried to forgive this but I am struggling to do so.

Currently, I have asked my boyfriend for a bit of distance. I no longer spend every night with him and the kids and I feel better balanced. My boyfriend is afraid of losing me but is respecting my wishes.

I am clearly confused. Any advice on whether I should forget about guy 1 and focus on making things right with my partner? I love my partner very much but do not have kids of my own and do not want to spend the next 30 years of my life fighting with him and the various issues that arise with blended families.

Please help.