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2 men – despair

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  • October 20, 2017 at 4:41 am #173973
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Claire,

    What is your long term solution? I’m confused where any money is coming from. Eventually you might have to move out of the house, get a job, learn to drive….

    I would start with learning to drive. The father seems like the best bet as he’s already there. Then all you need is a car, gas, money and FREEDOM!

    I’m here to tell you that there are more men in the Universe than these two characters.

    I’m also here to tell you (paradox to the above) that you really shouldn’t be in a serious romantic relationship while you have children. As you can see, it ACTUALLY make things harder (not talking about the day to day minutia).

    I’m also here to tell you that it does get easier as they grow older.

    I don’t want to hear about your romantic grievances, I really want to hear about your long term solution for money and housing.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    October 20, 2017 at 10:52 am #174029
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Claire:

    These are my thoughts:

    Aim at moving to a location with reliable, good public transportation, internet, phone, child nurseries, schools.. the services that you need for you and for your young children.

    Remove the fact that you don’t drive and living in a secluded location as a motivation to associate with either man.

    Aim at no longer living with the children’s father, placing a possible romantic/ physically intimate relationship, in his mind or in yours, in the past. No longer to be considered.

    Maybe you are not aware of some resources to help you as a single mother and a no income household, government or private agencies, charity organizations. It is way, way better that you get help from such than to reach out to either man for help.

    Take one step at a time. Your life is a mess right now but there is a way to simplify, to fix it, to untangle one knot at a time. Be patient, it will take some time but it can be done.

    Once you remove unnecessary motivations to associate (and live with) either man, you will become less confused, more and more clear about how to proceed in relation to the two men.

    anita

     

     

     

    October 20, 2017 at 12:54 pm #174041
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Claire,

    The day that you become a mother, that is the day that your priorities should have changed. Above all, your kids need to come first. Choose them. Don’t choose a man(s) over them. Once you are done raising your kids – as it does get easier when they are older, then focus on you again.

    I would suggest getting a place on your own that is near transportation and moving away from both man. I think you need to focus on you and your children. Don’t damage your children by choosing a man over them or by being with their father and not being happy! Show them that you are a strong and independent woman that does not need a man to feel safe. Perhaps all these has to do with your childhood and how you were brought up as we are all a product of our own environment but since you are aware of it, you need to choose a different life style for you and your kids. You will be thankful that you did it- trust me!

    Please leave both man and choose your kids who desperately (more than you think) need their mother.

    Wish you all the best!

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Rox.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Rox.
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