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Rox

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)
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  • November 22, 2017 at 11:07 am #179123
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    You are definitely right. I always felt unloved or chosen last for any thing which really did lead to lack of self confidence. However, I wonder how I can work through this so I can have a good and healthy relationship with my partner and not do anything to jeopardize that?

    In advance, thank you very much for your input as it is always greatly appreciated.

    Rox

    November 20, 2017 at 2:28 pm #178775
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Peter,

    Thank you for the book suggestion you provided. I definitely will look for it.

    Rox

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Rox.
    November 20, 2017 at 2:28 pm #178773
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for your reply. I feel like I am battling my thoughts of insecurity in the relationship. I will give you an example, this past Saturday, we went to a house warming party- One of my friends there was single recently and then suddenly, I started to feel worried that maybe my bf would start looking her way or that perhaps he would like her more than me bec she was now single- Something triggered the feeling though- what triggered it was that he asked me ” where is her boyfriend” and then suddenly I started to wonder why he cared- The thing is that, this is not just with one girl, its an on going bottle/situation with any girl that I think that its prettier than me or that I sensed that he looked at. And then I need his reassurance so that he can make me feel loved/safe again! My friends mom told my boyfriend at this party- ” Oh you are lucky to have someone like her” and in the car I reminded him of that- all these is due to insecurities within me and its something that I work hard to change the story in my head- Do you know what I mean?

    Rox

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Rox.
    November 17, 2017 at 2:42 pm #178559
    Rox
    Participant

    Thank you Peter. I very much appreciate your feedback. Perhaps you are right, my past experiences, are affecting my present. Thankfully, I am aware of this and I am trying my best to deal with it -although, at times it is very challenging. Is like I am in battle with myself.

    Rox

    October 20, 2017 at 1:01 pm #174047
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Victoria,

    I have to agree with Anita on this one. From what you explained, it sounds like he is just looking for another hookup. I would be careful. Set boundaries and really clear boundaries of what it is that you actually want. If you want a guy for just a hookup then this one will work it sounds like but if you want something more than just casual hookups, then be clear on that and STICK to it. Strong boundaries is key!

    All the best!

    October 20, 2017 at 12:54 pm #174041
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Claire,

    The day that you become a mother, that is the day that your priorities should have changed. Above all, your kids need to come first. Choose them. Don’t choose a man(s) over them. Once you are done raising your kids – as it does get easier when they are older, then focus on you again.

    I would suggest getting a place on your own that is near transportation and moving away from both man. I think you need to focus on you and your children. Don’t damage your children by choosing a man over them or by being with their father and not being happy! Show them that you are a strong and independent woman that does not need a man to feel safe. Perhaps all these has to do with your childhood and how you were brought up as we are all a product of our own environment but since you are aware of it, you need to choose a different life style for you and your kids. You will be thankful that you did it- trust me!

    Please leave both man and choose your kids who desperately (more than you think) need their mother.

    Wish you all the best!

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Rox.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Rox.
    October 19, 2017 at 9:55 am #173875
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Eliana and Inky,

    Your advice has meant soooo much to me and it has put my thoughts & feelings at ease. Thank you very much as its greatly appreciated.

    Have a wonderful day!

    Rox

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Rox.
    October 18, 2017 at 11:24 am #173743
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Aura,

    My mom would always tell me this ” finding a good man is like winning the lottery, it is nearly impossible”. I have dated my share of amazing man and my share of assholes. Don’t get stuck in the idea that there is something better out there for you. What matters, is that you love him. If you love him, fight for the love you have for him. I feel like a lot of the emotions that you are feeling, are due to what your mom has said about him. I am like that too- if someone says negative things about someone that I am dating, I will soon start to believe them- specially if their opinions matter to me. So my questions to you are as follow: Does he make you happy? Can you imagine living life without him?

    Love is soooooo much more than physical appearance. I rather be with a man that is not the best looking out there but that treats me like a queen. I now appreciate a good man because I dated assholes so be careful in your decision.

    I wish you all the best!

    Rox

    October 17, 2017 at 2:48 pm #173607
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Andy,

    I read your whole story and feel awful for all that you’ve gone through. The way that you described your relationship with your Indian ex girlfriend, sounds to me like her heart was not fully committed to you and your needs. She was not there when you lost your dad and you couldn’t take family vacation together- this is not a good fit! What do you think has changed? I mean once a person shows you who they are, you ought to believe them no? Also, why not focus on this amazing woman who is by your side right now? To me, you are emotionally elsewhere and that is sad. She doesn’t deserve that(your new lady friend). In order for you to move on and enjoy your time with your new lady, you need to let your past go. From what I read, you seemed to really have loved the Indian lady but it didn’t work out for a reason. Trust the journey and don’t look back!

    I wish you all the best!

    September 28, 2017 at 10:30 am #170813
    Rox
    Participant

    Good morning Christopher,

    It truly breaks my heart to read your story. You seem like a calm and well spoken individual and I am sorry that you are going through all that. Nonetheless, you do need to respect your wife’s feelings and give her all the space that she needs( from the sounds of it, you are ready to do that). As hard as this may sound, focus on you and start doing things for yourself. You cannot convince someone to love you and never should you feel like you have too. In order for a relationship to function the way it ought to be, the two people in it must really want it! So if your wife wants to let go and you have done all you can to try to work things out, leave the rest to God! As cliché as this may sound ” everything does happen for a reason”. At this point, your son and his well being should become your priority as well as yourself. Focus on you and respect your wife’s wishes.

    I wish nothing but the best for you and may God give you strength to get through this tough episode in your life.

    All the best & stay strong.

    Rox

    July 14, 2017 at 8:42 am #158070
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi,

    Just from reading what you wrote- If I were you, I would date the new guy. You know why? Because if you actually loved your ex boyfriend, there would be no new guy. Love is not confusing-it is simply. My sister dated her now husband for 8 years prior to getting married. When they would break up, she would date other guys but in her heart, she always loved her now husband-that was never questionable. So do you see what I mean? If you truly loved your ex, this would not be an issue.

    Wishing you the best!

    Rox

    July 12, 2017 at 9:57 am #157640
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Connie,

    I am really sorry to hear about your break up. Not too long ago, I experienced the same thing. My boyfriend who had said that I was the love of his life and that he would always fight for me, gave up on us after I overreacted over something stupid. I tried soooooooo hard to mend things. I apologized a million times and nothing worked. I wrote him an email and he replied with a very short answer. This is what I have learnt from this break up:

    1. Love is never begged. Never, ever lose your self-respect over someone- its not worth it.

    2. Someone who actually wants to be with you, will make it work-PERIOD- There is nothing more to.

    3. RESPECT his decision. It may hurt like hell and boy do I know that feeling- but respect it

    4. Nobody in life is worth losing your self worth over- NOBODY- love yourself and do things that make you happy and you will see, you will attract the right people

    5. You will never have to force anything that is truly meant to be. Let me ask you this- why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you? What does that say about you? that you believe you need to convince people to be with you?

    – the same harsh advise that I give to you, I give to myself. Regain you power back and be strong enough to walk away from any relationship that damages your well being.

    – I had to do the same exact thing and it was hard like hell but I will be dam if I let a guy make me feel like I cannot live without him or like he is the best thing that could ever happen to me. If you apologized and your tried to mend things and it didn’t work- please LET IT GO.

    Sending you lots of happy vibes.

    Rox

    June 30, 2017 at 8:21 am #155784
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Liz,

    When I was in highschool, I wish someone would have given me great advice about boys. So I will tell you what I wish that someone would have told me.

    1. Never ever choose a boy over your school. Always prioritize your school and aim to have an amazing profession that is for most and the most important thing that you can do for yourself.

    2. Don’t ever, ever, put a boys “needs/wants” before your own. Don’t do it! Build your self up- make yourself stronger! Don’t be stubborn

    3. I know this is hard, but say good bye to him- You guys are both to young to be dealing with this type of issues.

    4. Focus on you and the right man will come along at the right time.

    5. Please just focus on school.

    Looking back at my life, I wish that I would of focused soooo much more on school instead of boys. Boys come and go, but what you build with your future= that is amazing=that is what will open doors up for you.

    Please let this relationship go!

    Rox

    June 29, 2017 at 3:34 pm #155648
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Eliana,

    Thank you for your reply to my posting. I have started to see a councilor. I realized that I have some work to do with me. I do hope he comes back but I am not getting my hopes up. I guess time will dictate that.

    June 29, 2017 at 3:30 pm #155646
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Coconut.

    Thank you very much for your reply. Its a good thing that your ex boyfriend hold on for awhile though. He really did give it a fair shot. In my current situation, I feel like my ex gave up to easily. I wouldn’t have given up that easily on him if things had been flipped around. The wedding that we were supposed to attend together will be this coming weekend. Today, I finally sent a text to the bride saying ” my ex and I broke up and it would be inappropriate for me to attend the wedding now. I wish you and your husband to be all the best”. It was soooooo hard to right that text to her because it was me accepting that it was actually over. I want to rip my heart out of my chest and not miss him soooo much. You are right though, I should not contact him and I wont. What helped you move on from you ex? I guess all I can do is give it time.

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