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Am I being controlling and Insecure?

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  • October 18, 2017 at 2:29 pm #173793
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi,

    I need your advice. I am dating this guy and he is wonderful in sooooo many ways. We moved in together recently and we have lots of plans. However, often I feel insecure in our relationship. I few times I have seen him check out other girls(perhaps not intentionally but he does look). When I have asked him about it, he denies it. Now, he is wonderful with me, in that, he always tells me how much he loves me and he does lots of things to show me that he loves me. Yet, when I see a girl whom I think its attractive, I always look and see if he will check her out. :S Also, recently he decided to throw a surprise birthday party for me and contacted all my friends and decided to add some on facebook- that bothered me. Is that normal? I sore of mentioned it to him and he told me that I cannot control who becomes friends with who. Is these all insecurities of mine? One day he left his facebook open and I decided to see who he had been messaging with! Reading all his messages did not make me feel good and I felt angry to see how he communicated to people and how he told me that he didn’t talk to ex’s but I did see a few messages with one ex in there and I know it was harmless, but it still bothered me! He told me that my insecurities were my own problem and that I needed to work on them as he had not done anything for me to not trust him. I agree with him in that I drive myself crazy at times over analyzing things.

    I am not sure what to do!

    October 18, 2017 at 4:58 pm #173799
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Rox,

    I don’t think you have anything to be worried about. Many men, even when they are with other women will glance at a beautiful women. Many times (like myself) even when I am on a date or with a boyfriend, I will glance or notice a very handsome man. It is part of human nature to appreciate beauty in others. We have to be secure enough in our own uniqueness and beauty, because that man is with us, and not that other women. Of it is just a quick glance, that is one thing, but if it openly staring, ogglung or flirting that is unnaceptable and disrespectful. Sometimes when I am with a boyfriend, and I see him glance at a beautiful woman, I will say “she is beautiful isn’t she? It is perfectly normal. As long as he is not talking or flirting with them, remember he chose you for your beauty and amazing qualities.

    As far as Facebook, it’s just “friends”. People like to “add” friends all the time. It is harmless. Many of these people have hundreds of “followers” and probably talk to 20-30 people per day or like each other’s pictures. I would not go on his profile page if it bothers you, because it will only make you miserable. Remember, it’s just social media, words on a page. All harmless. I doubt he is sending any kissing emoji’s to these women. Try to relax and be happy with him. x

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Eliana.
    October 19, 2017 at 6:09 am #173859
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rox,

    Did he START a conversation with the ex? Or did he simply politely reply to her? It does make a difference!

    Yes, it is normal to add a bunch of FB Friends right after meeting/seeing them at a party. It’s more natural than getting a Request out of the blue from someone you saw at a party eight years ago.

    I agree with the advice (above). He sounds like a good (though maddeningly normal) guy. Be secure in your own beauty and remember that he’s with YOU.

    Best,

    Inky

    October 19, 2017 at 9:55 am #173875
    Rox
    Participant

    Hi Eliana and Inky,

    Your advice has meant soooo much to me and it has put my thoughts & feelings at ease. Thank you very much as its greatly appreciated.

    Have a wonderful day!

    Rox

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Rox.
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