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A Definite Crossroad in My Life

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  • May 24, 2014 at 9:24 am #57233
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hey Everybody,

    So I guess I’ll start by just explaining the current situation I’m in, and the attempts I’ve been making to try and manage it.

    Beginning this past January, I had to move back with my parents after being in graduate school for a couple of years. I am unemployed currently, and haven’t started writing my master’s thesis (to date). My girlfriend and I split up a few weeks ago. I’m in the middle of nowhere (New Egypt, NJ-look it up) with no job, dwindling savings due to the bills I need to pay (phone, car, insurance, credit cards, storage, etc.) and no motivation to continue on the path of higher education due to the stress it has caused me thus far.

    Everything that I have done, such as going to school, working various jobs, being in relationships, etc. have honestly just felt wrong. I’ve always felt like I’m living my life through the perception of others rather than myself.

    I have always had a talent for music-I’ve been playing the guitar most of my life. I’ve been in multiple bands, have recorded multiple EP’s, and played countless shows. I used to play the saxophone in high school, and really enjoyed playing in the jazz band. I don’t think I have talent in this regard, I know I have talent-both from myself and from others. I’ve also always loved to write articles and stories, but my main passion lies with music.

    So, honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. My life is spinning out of control, and if I don’t do something soon I’ll end up just collapsing under the weight of the impeding circumstances within my life. My focus has become out of whack, I have no inspiration, and have been constantly feeling like each day is just a painful, grueling existence.

    If I want to plan to take control of my life again, I honestly need to start planning. But I don’t have the focus necessary to actually realize what I need to do, however small. I guess that is why I posted to this website-I’ve read some of the stories and I know other people can relate to my current situation. I appreciate everyone who has read this post, and wish you all the best.

    Levon

    May 25, 2014 at 4:50 am #57266
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Anonymous,

    Thanks for your post.

    Interestingly enough, your post came with the answer that you seek. I will post it here for you. Read it a few times and it will sink in as to what you need to do.

    “Everything that I have done, such as going to school, working various jobs, being in relationships, etc. have honestly just felt wrong. I’ve always felt like I’m living my life through the perception of others rather than myself”

    I will give you a hint – Just be YOU and do what makes your heart sing. You know what you want. Have some courage to follow through those desires as well instead of just focussing on “what if” 🙂

    Good luck and I know you will be just fine 🙂 Loads of positive energy coming your way.

    Jasmine

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Joshua Denney. Reason: anonymize
    June 1, 2014 at 9:26 am #57833
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Thank you Jasmine! I just read this and I have to say I believe that you’re right. I’m going to make sure I do things for me from now on, and not because somebody wants me to.

    June 1, 2014 at 10:16 am #57836
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Anonymous,

    Is there a way you can travel? You could go somewhere to develop your musical career.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Joshua Denney. Reason: anonymize
    June 5, 2014 at 6:07 am #58149
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hey Big Blue,

    I suppose there are ways for me to travel; I have friends that are all over the country. As a matter of fact, I had my car packed up with all of my belongings last week (including my guitars and my favorite amp) because I was interested in just straight up getting away from this environment. However, I honestly don’t know if that would fix the problem. I know that I have to finish what I’ve started (i.e. the master’s thesis), and I know I need something temporary to generate income. The problem is is that I’m just lazy and unmotivated at this point. It’s like the combinations of the circumstances I’ve mentioned (yes, I’m still lamenting over that breakup as well) has left me in a static state.

    I think the only thing for me to do is to write about all of this stuff in an honest manner. I need to force myself out of apathy and get the ball rolling otherwise I won’t be able to bounce back the way I know I can. Other people have definitely been here before, which is why I think this website is really an awesome idea.

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