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about to call it quits…

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  • #50005
    chelsea
    Participant

    Hi friends! I really need you guys’ help.

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, and we’ve been fighting a ton lately. My boyfriend has become addicted to suboxone (keep in mind, when we first met, he was not on this stuff), and now when he doesn’t have it, he sleeps all day and is mean when he is awake. Yesterday, I got fed up and told him unless he finds a way to deal with this “addiction” he has to move out. I don’t like being with someone who sleeps til 1 or 2, goes to work til 10, then comes home to play video games. He doesn’t take me out and we haven’t been intimate in a while. I feel very bored and unwanted. This morning I got fed up and told him he should start taking care of home before I find someone who can. I know that was mean but it’s just what I feel. I want someone who is adventurous and isn’t addicted to some ridiculous drug (AND DOESN’T SLEEP THEIR LIFE AWAY). He is replaceable, although I love him very much because he’s usually very kind and loving. He then started crying because he said no one loves him and that people always abandon him and that he doesn’t want to lose me. I don’t understand how he feels this way yet doesn’t make any efforts to make things better. He also said I blame him for a lot and that I should accept responsibility for my feelings. How can I do that when HE is the one that’s making me feel so crappy? What should I do? Do you think we’d be better off parting? How can I make myself feel all of the love that he doesn’t make me feel?

    #50014
    Mazza
    Participant

    Hey Chelsea, sorry you are going through this right now, it must be very hard. I know it sounds mean but it really isn’t. Some people with addictions usually have a hard time accepting responsibility , blaming everyone but themselves. They feel sorry for themselves and think everyone is against them for saying something, instead of realising how they make everyone else feel . He’s putting the guilt on you for saying something to him, by crying and saying everyone abandons him. You need to sit down and have a serious chat with him and tell him you will support him in trying to get him off the medication, make an appointment with the doctors and go with him. Tell him you will be there for him so long as he’s also there for you. It can’t just go one way. Tell him how you feel, that you feel neglected and unwanted and that it is in fact HE that is abandoning YOU and that if he loves you enough he would want you to be so happy in life, and he should be happy to have someone supportive. Give him this chance to change first. And if he won’t, well i’m sorry but i really think leaving would be the best thing. Get a list of things you would like to do together with him, whether it be a nice walk, going to the cinema, doing the shopping, he needs to get out and about. Ask him can he at least find some special time with you, and cut the video game playing down to 3 nights a week spacing it in between or if he has to play everyday, maybe a couple of hours and spend the rest with you? cos you’re supposed to take breaks from playing games, its bad for your eyes, and causes headaches and tiredness. I really hope you find a solution Chelsea, but i really think if you have exhausted all measures to try and help him ,there is no point in you wasting your life too, just because he won’t save his. xx

    #50027
    Jade
    Participant

    Addiction is one of those things where the most loving decisions we can make is to NOT give in to what the addicted person asks of us. They are unwell and need care, not for the people around them to enable their unhealthy lifestyle. If I was in your shoes, I would be firm but gentle and let him know that you will always love and care for him, but you have needs that are not being met and you can’t be together if you’re not happy. You have every right to pursue your happiness!

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