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Accepting loneliness

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  • #378305
    Elie
    Participant

    Hey lovely people!

    I’m actually coming out of a heartbreak recently, more so back to my old self that I was, after a lot of emotional waves and complications I’m slowly starting to come back to my regular old life and trying to focus on myself.

    However I’m constantly feeling lonely and without the willpower to still work as perhaps I might not have completely moved on yet. And yes of course that can take it’s time. However I always used to feel lonely, even apart from me time there’s always a part of me that disassociates with people and surroundings.

    Eventually ends up making me feel like I’m not capable of being understood due to my own complications inside. And always have deeper feelings beyond what people try to comfort me by. Have you ever felt like this? Would love some advice on it, or how I’m supposed to accept this feeling.

    Hope all of you are having a wonderful day!

    #378308
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Elie:

    You shared that you are coming out of a recent heartbreak and getting back to your old self, only your old self  always  felt lonely, disassociated from people and surroundings, not capable of being understood because of “complications inside”, having feelings too deep to be comforted.

    “how I’m supposed to accept this feeling”?-  accept that the complications are there and undo the complications, bit by bit, until it’s simple. And then, the deeper feelings will not be overwhelming.

    “Have you ever felt like this?”- yes. After adequately understanding the complications inside me, I feel much better, no longer so different from other people, no longer strange and out of place.

    If you would like to share about the time the first complications came to be, early in your life, at home, where you grew up- please do, and I will reply to you further.

    anita

    #378520
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Elie
    I can relate to your experience. I suspect everyone’s experience with loneliness has much in common yet at the same time is unique to the personality experiencing it.  I think that means what works for one person won’t necessary work for another.

    “Loneliness is a subjective experience that is different for every one of us. Some people define loneliness as a feeling of emptiness or isolation. Others define it as by the need for company or comfort. With these portrayals, there are people more prone to loneliness than others.”

    I am one of those people prone to loneliness . I have found that understanding what I mean by Loneliness has helped but not made me less prone to loneliness.  For what its worth then

    Think about what is making you feel lonely. Take the time to understand what it is that makes you feel lonely. Locate where this loneliness is coming from to help better understand what you need to do.

    Six Types of Loneliness

    1. New-situation loneliness. You’ve moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone, or you’ve started a new job, or you’ve started at a school full of unfamiliar faces. You’re lonely.

    2. I’m-different loneliness. You’re in a place that’s not unfamiliar, but you feel different from other people in an important way that makes you feel isolated. Maybe your faith is really important to you, and the people around you don’t share that — or vice versa. Maybe everyone loves doing outdoor activities, but you don’t — or vice versa. It feels hard to connect with others about the things you find important. Or maybe you’re just hit with the loneliness that hits all of us sometimes — the loneliness that’s part of the human condition.

    3. No-sweetheart loneliness. Even if you have lots of family and friends, you feel lonely because you don’t have the intimate attachment of a romantic partner. Or maybe you have a partner, but you don’t feel a deep connection to that person.

    4. No-time-for-me loneliness. Sometimes you’re surrounded by people who seem friendly enough, but they don’t want to make the jump from friendly to friends. Maybe they’re too busy with their own lives, or they have lots of friends already, so while you’d like a deeper connection, they don’t seem interested. Or maybe your existing friends have entered a new phase that means they no longer have time for the things you all used to do — everyone has started working very long hours, or has started a family, so that your social scene has changed.

    5. Untrustworthy-friends loneliness. Sometimes, you get in a situation where you begin to doubt whether your friends are truly well-intentioned, kind, and helpful. You’re “friends” with people but don’t quite trust them. An important element of friendship is the ability to confide and trust, so if that’s missing, you may feel lonely, even if you have fun with your friends.

    6. Quiet-presence loneliness. Sometimes, you may feel lonely because you miss having someone else’s quiet presence. You may have an active social circle at work, or have plenty of friends and family, but you miss having someone to hang out with at home — whether that would mean living with a roommate, a family member, or a sweetheart. Just someone who’s fixing a cup of coffee in the next room, or reading on the sofa.

    I wish you well

    #378729
    Kibou
    Participant

    Dear Elie and Peter,

    Thank you very much for starting this thread, Elie! Although I cannot help you with your situation, I do resonate with your feelings of loneliness. I am prone to loneliness and can say that all 6 types of loneliness speak to me. I don’t think I have good advice, but for me healing in the form of counseling, creative writing, theta healing, clarifying past events with people helped me become more self-aware and accepting of everything that has happened in my life. Somehow, I think I’d also accepted the feeling of loneliness. I am trying my best to come to feel at home with myself and being one’s own best friend.

    Without your thread, I would not have across Peter’s explanation of loneliness, which was like a mini aha moment. It changed something for sure, and I am really grateful that I’ve come across the thread that you started. Thanks.

    Peter, thank you very much for the explanation of different types of loneliness and loneliness in general. It does help knowing this.

    Kibou

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