Dear anita,

the saying goes that April weather is indecisive. Today it was snowing again. The snow doesn’t stay but I hope soon there will be warmer temperatures! I worry that the blossoms from the trees will get damaged :/

Thank you, I slept well. I hope you also have good nights and days!

Today I did yoga for 44 minutes. I also tried another workout, but my room is very small and I gave up when the exercises started to require more space. Maybe I will try again on another day.

Later I prepared food for the next days and worked on project C. Now I will read or journal.

Tomorrow I will probably work on project B and I also want to do some yoga.

Take care and enjoy your spring weather 🙂

Dear anita,

the blossoms from the trees of course are beautiful, but also, if they get exposed to the frost for too long they will be destroyed and it could endanger the harvest (fruit trees). Maybe it could also be bad for insects if a source of food gets harmed.

Today I still saw some blossoms and I hope they will survive!

This morning I went to work. It was more of a stressful day with lots of phone calls and people asking questions. Also, lots of administrative work, that we didn’t manage to get completely done.

A client seemed angry with me, I think I didn’t communicate well with him. I didn’t know how to fix his problem, so I forwarded him to someone on the phone that would likely know better. I think I become impatient sometimes, especially when I feel insecure and don’t know the answer. Then I quickly give up and forward the problem to someone else. I need to work on that! Maybe I can find the solution myself. However, in this case, I don’t think it was really my place to make this decision?

My social skills still need work. I make lots of mistakes. It seems to happen quite often that I communicate badly with people and they get angry at me. I get very hectic, I become fearful and try to say the right things, or try to find a quick solution. It is better to slow down and take my time. I wish that those things would come easier to me. Sometimes, then I decided it is easier to avoid the whole situation, like in the dormitory. I felt like everything I did is wrong, so I better stepped out of the way. But it is no solution.

Anyways, I am still feeling relatively o.K. I did do yoga after work, for 20 minutes and I read. But I did not work on my project. Better try again tomorrow.

I need to remind myself that I am trying my best and that I am still learning. That I don’t have to be perfect.

Dear anita,

yes, spring is coming, just the last days were more like winter again. I enjoy looking at the blossoms, especially the pink cherry tree blossoms. I want to sit under a pink cherry blossom tree and enjoy spring, read or have a picnic.

Today things went better at work. It was a much calmer day and we got a lot of things done. There were fewer phone calls and questions. So I was feeling less stressed. Yesterday I was so stressed that I couldn’t sleep.

You are right, I try my best and I also did with this client. There were no bad intentions from me, maybe a bit of impatience/insecurity/being hectic.

My colleague gave me some feedback today that I know about how things work, but when someone catches me off guard with a question, you can hear the insecurity in my voice. I want to improve, but I am still learning. Work is like a big learning ground for me with a lot of challenges, but I think I have already gotten better. And the good thing is, I can feel that my colleagues appreciate me and accept me. It is not something that I did experience much before.

Another good thing is, that probably from now on I can work two times again each week, so I am almost back to my old schedule. I am thankful that I have a job during these times and that my colleagues are good people.

After work, I did about 30 minutes of yoga and felt refreshed after it. Then I made food and talked to one of my roommates. We get along well so far and I am happy. On the other hand, worries come up quickly, worries that I am not good enough, that I am strange, and say the wrong things. But maybe I should just be happy about the current situation, that everything is calm and worry less.

Later I painted a while for project B. Now I am feeling tired and will go to sleep soon. Tomorrow is another work day and after work, I will meet a friend, so maybe there will not be much time for other things. But maybe I could still do some yoga or paint.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Lily.

Dear anita.

today was another calm workday. I realized that I really like my co-worker. She is so strong and confident, but at the same time really kind. We got along well. We talked a bit about everyday things and it was really fun. Sometimes I still worried about saying the wrong things and being awkward.

With my work tasks, sometimes I did really well. On several occasions today I felt like I could really help the clients and be kind to them. Then I was content with myself. But sometimes not. Especially today when the manager was around I made lots of mistakes and said some awkward things, I felt. Then the feelings of being a loser came back. But later I told myself that I should focus on the positive and progress, not on my fears. Now I am feeling better.

About sounding insecure: you are right, this reaction is not controlled. Better than blaming myself, would be to work on it. If I get more routine, I become more secure and sound more professional. And I have improved already!

After work, I met my friend. We know each other for a long time, since 2005, but we still are not that close. After I moved to her city of origin, we had more contact again. We only meet from time to time. It was o.K., but I worried that I said some depressing things. I should stop myself from that, but sometimes it’s hard. Maybe we should plan our meetings better next time. It was still good to see her and the place we went to was beautiful. Lots of flowers and blossoming trees. I was also thinking of you when I saw white blossoms today!

Plans for tomorrow:

– Clean the flat including my room

– Exercise / Go out for a bit

– Work for uni

Dear anita

I am feeling really tired and like I am developing a cold. Already did a Corona test today at home and it was negative. Tomorrow I will write more again!

Dear anita,

I am still feeling tired. The last two nights I did not sleep well. Yesterday I went for a walk and later cleaned our flat. But I was starting to feel like I am getting a cold, then I bought two Corona tests. Luckily, the one I took was negative. It’s maybe just my pollen allergies. But I still made ginger tea and chicken soup to heal myself. Even though I only did mundane things, I was running around all day. And during the night, my nose was always running and I could not sleep well.

Today I cleaned my room and started to paint, but now I am thinking it might be o.K to just read something and relax for a bit, as I am still feeling tired. Hopefully, it will be better tomorrow. Well, I am feeling pretty good, just tired and I have a blocked nose. It’s not too bad. Tomorrow I can buy medication against allergies. For now, I will allow myself to rest.

Tomorrow I should go to work, normally. Now I am feeling a bit insecure. I will take the second corona test in the morning and see how I feel. I don’t know if I am exaggerating and worrying too much… It’s probably just my allergies. I am just a bit insecure about how to act regarding work. But the test was negative, so all should be o.K.!

Hope you are doing good and have a nice Sunday!

Dear anita,

in the end, I decided to go to work. It is most likely just my allergies: the itchiness in my throat is typical and at the moment one of the pollen I am allergic to is active. Also, I slept better last night and felt less tired. Still, a bit tired but not as much. But my co-worker also was tired, still from last week. I guess it was just a more stressful and busy week.

Then I took the Corona test and it was negative. And I took a third test, as a new testing center opened only three minutes away from my workplace. My boss wanted to try it out and for some reason, I ended up going with her. All the tests were negative, so I think it’s all good. Maybe I exaggerated a bit, but at least the third test was not planned and surprised me a bit too!

After work, I bought the medication against allergy symptoms and I hope it will help! I also painted, but the painting took longer than I expected and I will finish it tomorrow!

Also, I would like to work on the other illustration from project C. I really want to make progress, as in the last few days, I did not get very much done. Besides that, I want to exercise for a bit and journaling could also be helpful!

Thank you for your advice and concern! Please have a good day!