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Addicted to emotionally unavailable girl

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #91859
    David
    Participant

    Hi!

    For about 2 years I’m in “off and on” relationship. It started with me flirting with her on facebook and soon enough she fell deeply in love with me. It was mainly via facebook becouse we live in different cities. Anyway, that time I wasn’t ready to commit, becouse I was still very hurt after my breakup. But we were in contact, and I enjoyed very much all the attention and “love” she was giving me, so after some time I fell in love with her too… But soon after it became mutual, she started pulling back. So since 1,5 year we are in “off and on” relationship. It goes like this: I give her a lot of affection and love, but when she senses that I’m getting to close emotionally, she withdraws. That’s when I’m in greatest pain, so I try to distance emotionally from her just to get her off my mind. But when she realizes that she’s losing me, she starts to send me all these affectionate signals, telling me how much she misses me, etc.. Then we reconnect for a brief period o time on a very high emotional level, have passionate sex and then she emotionally withdraws herself again… This cycle is wreaking havoc with me. It’s even hard for someone from outside to comprehend how deep feelings of loneliness and emptiness, this person evokes in me while she gives me her silent treatment.

    I don’t know how to break free… The longest period of absolute no-contact with her was for about 4 months. I did EVERYTHING all these self-help books recommended: I assigned myself on workshops from painting, I tried indoor climbing for the first time in my life, I was going to gym, doing roller-skating, I was going out with my friends, eating healthy, having a lot of sleep and I was not drinking… But each day was felt like a death. Despite all these efforts I suffered deep depression and was having suicidal thoughts. 4 months and even slightest mark of getting better. Eventually I gave up and contacted her again.. It was about 8 month ago and since that time we have gone through our “cycles” for about 3-4 times. It was about one month ago she broke up with me again..

    I don’t know what to do. Seriously. Time doesn’t seem to be a healer in my case. Neither healthy activities, nor socializing or taking up new hobbies. Hell… I even tried psychotherapy…

    This time I have no motivation doing ANY of these things I tried during my 4-months of no contact period. I already know it ain’t gonna help me any way… I’m fearful facing another long period of depression, I fear these dark suicidal thoughts. This time I turned to drinking. I already feel I’m losing it. Almost everyday I come back after work I drink until the image of her face in my mind is pleasantly blurred and distanced. I feel all tension accumulated in my mody wanes. It’s the only state I can fall asleep.
    I even stopped talking about my problems with my friends becouse I feel they have already enough of my never-ending story with that girl.

    I wish I have never met her.

    • This topic was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by David.
    #91863
    Shelly
    Participant

    Hi there
    I don’t know if it would work for you but after my 20 year marriage broke down, I went on a dating site. This gave me back my confidence. I met some lovely men who very complimentary but I also found it so interesting hearing other people’s stories/ situation.This was a huge distraction from my break up. You don’t evere even have to actually go on a date if you don’t feel ready,just enjoy the interaction.
    Hope that helps.x

    #91864
    David
    Participant

    Hi Shelly!

    I’ve tried it also, but non of these girls seem even half that interesting as my lover.. it makes me even more depressed so I stopped it for now. Anyway thank you for sharing your experience

    #91865
    Adam P
    Participant

    Hello there David. Nice to “meet you” and I would very much like to help you out. I too just like you was in the same emotional state, but guess what I’m free and clear today. It was not easy, but I pulled through. For me the last straw was after all the back and forth, restablishing contact and experiencing the dreaded silent treatment followed by an excuse after I tried to be real and vulnerable. That was the catalyst. In the months that followed, I got back and “focused” on my career while at the same time trying to heal myself. One tool that I used was on YouTube and watching videos from Robert Wong’s Self Redirection channel. It really did help. Learning that others behavior are not your responsibility and that they are just hurting, sometimes even worse than you are. Improve your self control/ discipline by blocking her out of your life; real and social and start healing yourself. It can truly be accomplished. Thanks and take care.

    #91871
    Shelly
    Participant

    David,I was on the site for over a year. I then met the most amazing man. I admit I screwed it up and he has recently broken up with me but there are lovely,interesting and genuine people on them. You just have to be patient.x

    #91873
    jim
    Participant

    Hey Dave, if it will help you feel better? you are not alone going through this. There 100s of people on this site. including me! your story sounds exactly like mine! From experience, time is the only healer unfortunately! There is no easy way out when your heart been broken! sounds like you we’re doing everything to help yourself, staying busy! Taking about it! There nothing worse then breaking up getting back together over and over and over! I been there too! wish I had a answer for you! For the suicide thoughts, you should go to the nearest Emergency room! I am sorry to to say but, I would break clean with her!!! cause then pain is just going to get worse breaking up getting together over and over! Good Luck!

    #91913
    anita
    Participant

    Dear David:

    I can sense how great your pain is, how hard you tried and how hopeless and helpless you currently feel. You listed all the things you tried and you were a hero for trying all those things.

    You need relief from your intense pain. You are using alcohol to get relief and I understand the logic behind it: you do need relief.

    I hope we can talk/ communicate further about this, David. When you get to a point when you are calm. I was very much in the STUCK status in my life for a long, long time. I remember it well.

    Please post more:

    anita

    #91917
    Annie
    Participant

    Hi David,

    The title should be emotionally manipulative girl. It sounds like the girl does not think about or does not care about your feelings (what happens when you make up and break up). She may not be mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Being single I promise is better than being in a relationship that makes you feel rejected and lonely. You don’t need this person to be happy. Learn how to validate and support yourself and try not to resort to alcohol etc. Having a supportive partner who allows you to feel safe and secure is wonderful. I know you’re trying hard, but try harder and move on to someone else who can give you what you need.

    Annie

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