Advice on what to do…

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Peggy 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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    Just wanted to let out some feelings and maybe get some advice? ? It’s been a different and sometimes hard year since I moved away from my hometown to Dallas with a friend to try something new. During this time I felt like I learned a lot about myself in being alone and dealing with many feelings including the death of my father, my heart was also broken 4 months ago by someone who’ve I’ve been talking to on and off with for almost 5 years, that’s another story but I finally realized what our relationship really was and walked away. I’m still trying to find inner peace because of that but I am getting better. During this past year between all my emotions and heartbreak, being in a new city made me feel lonely and I just longed to be home with my family , especially my niece and nephew, who I sometimes feel that they are the only ones that can right now bring me the most genuine happiness. Right now I’m struggling with the decision to stay in Dallas or go back to my hometown. I know there a better job opportunities here and can make more money, but I do maybe want to go back to school for my masters and it’s expensive here to do that. My roommate says maybe because I haven’t found a reason to stay is why I’m feeling that way since I haven’t really made much friends and my dating life hasn’t been good here , especially because I was still trying to get over the other person. I have cried a lot in missing my niece and nephew and feel so sad I’m missing them grow up. Even before moving to Dallas I wasn’t always at peace with myself and moving to Dallas I thought it might help but I realized maybe it’s just me and not the city ? I’ve been coping better in trying to be happy and positive but right now I am just torn in staying or leaving ? I think I am just going through an existential/midlife crisis right now where I’m trying to figure out what’s really important in my life…



    Dear Erika:

    “Even before moving to Dallas I wasn’t always at peace with myself and moving to Dallas I thought it might help but I realized maybe it’s just me and not the city?”-

    – It is always just us, everything that we experience happens in the short distance between our ears. Moving to another city or country or continent does not change the place where we really live, our brain/ body. It can help though, moving away from abusive situations or family that maintains our misery in one way or another.. or moving away from reminders, as well as moving to a city with greater job opportunities, or a better weather, more social life (or less, as we desire).

    Your nephew and niece, they are a plus, in your hometown. How about your mother and other family members there, how are those relationships, refreshing or draining .. or?




    Hi Erika,

    I wouldn’t want to live in Texas, but that is just me. What about other cities? Atlanta, Miami?

    Be careful not to be a burden to your niece and nephew. If you visit them once a year, that is awesome!

    Good Luck in work, friendships, studies and love! It is really all about you. Time to go forth!





    I think I am just going through an existential/midlife crisis right now where I’m trying to figure out what’s really important in my life…

    That’s a good place to start.  From personal experience be careful of analysis paralysis. discovering what is in important in life requires both being and doing the trick I think is to be very mindful of the judgments and labels we measure ourselves by as we work on ourselves.

    You use the words inner peace… What would inner peace look like to you?





    Hi Erika,

    What really matters to you is LOVE.

    Would you be able to undertake your Masters if you moved back to your hometown?  “Maybe” isn’t much of a motivation to get this done.  You need a strong commitment – possibility or probability – you decide!

    You are missing your niece and nephew – book some time off as soon as possible, take a holiday and visit them.

    You’ve been talking to someone on and off for five years – talk to someone new!  This doesn’t sound like an up close and personal relationship that you’ve been investing your emotions into.  File it under “experience” and move on.

    You’ve been in Dallas for a year.  That’s not long to forge a new life for yourself.  Are you sure you’ve given it your best shot?

    Peace and happiness take an awful lot of commitment:  Every day in every way I am becoming more and more peaceful and content.  You really have to go for it and commit to it.  (This won’t prevent bad stuff happening to you any more, it just means that you’ll be in a better place to deal with it.)  Perhaps you could join a meditation group to help you on your way.  It would have the added advantage of helping you get back in touch with yourself and allow you to meet new people who could very well become your friends.

    No-one else can make your decisions for you so I am going to end with my opening sentence.  What really matters to you is LOVE.






    Hi Erica,

    Since my post yesterday, I’ve come up with an idea for a project that you might like to try.  Have you thought of making a scrapbook for your niece and nephew on Dallas.  It might take a bit of research but nothing too onerous.  You could include things like the oldest building, the most impressive building, local beauty spots, statues, commemorative plaques, famous people that have lived there, a regional recipe, a quaint church, a photo of yourself and your room mate standing next to the Dallas sign maybe, a quirky car, a street performer, a favourite tree, a festival, an animal sanctuary.  Find pictures, prints, photos and news articles to include.

    Find an elderly resident to “interview”.  Prepare a set of questions and ask them about their life, where they were born, family background, schooling, occupation, hobbies, what they like and dislike about Dallas, important events, what dreams they had, whether they were fulfilled, how has Dallas changed.  If they don’t mind, take a photo of them.  Buy them coffee or lunch – most people like to talk and you might just make their day.  Precis their story into easy to understand language for your nephew and niece.  Children just love to engage in this way.  Get your creative juices flowing!

    Whilst sitting in the sun on a park bench this morning, watching the swans gliding across the water, I was inspired to write this poem for you.  I hope you like it.

    Welcome to Dallas

    Welcome to Dallas – it’s now been a year, I’ve been very sad and I’ve shed many a tear                                                                             Yet when I put a smile on my face, I find that the world is a much happier place                                                                                         I’ve met with kindliness from the advice that I’ve sought, and I’m beginning to engage with positive thought                                     Love will come in love’s own way, though I’ve had to kiss some frogs along the way                                                                                   I’ve lived with indecision but that’s OK, I’ve needed the space in which to say                                                                                         Today is the day that matters the most so I’m going to raise a glass and make a toast                                                                               To all the days when I didn’t have a plan, To all the people who told me “I CAN”                                                                                       To all the dreams I can reach out and touch, Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!

    All the best for the future





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