Advice please

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This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 8 months ago by Anonymous.

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September 19, 2018 at 1:48 pm #226349

Rai
Participant

Hi

My ex and I split 3 years ago and have stayed in touch catching up every few months.

I finished our relationship after finding out he had been messaging and chatting to other girls and saying he was single.

Over the last year our contact has increased and he has been very clear in telling me what an idiot he was to let me go and how much he misses me in his life. He’s even help take me to a few medical appointments and being there for me to talk to. I’ve not rushed into anything with him as I’ve wanted to make sure I could trust him again, so we are not a couple but obviously he has been pushing things in that direction and been very clear he’s single.

Well today I’ve discovered he’s in a relationship and has been for over a year, good ol’ Facebook hey !!

I feel so upset that I’ve open my heart to him again to find he still a complete liar, I can see things they’ve done on Facebook where he’s told me he’s been with other people and has lied over and over to me.
we even arranged to meet up last week and he texted me last minute to say he had to work, in fact he was on holiday abroad with her according to Facebook .

I’m fed up of being lied to and made to feel like crap.

And on another note he’s obviously doing exactly the same to this girl then what he did to me, telling me he’s single and flirting and spending time with me and she obviously doesn’t know a thing.

What a mess, what do I do?

Should I inform his girlfriend or will that invite more stress into my life? I really don’t know .

September 19, 2018 at 2:22 pm #226357

Peter
Participant

Hi Rai

As they say “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” – I think you know you need to cut contact with this guy. As for talking to his girl friend? I would stay out of it. You need to protect yourself and not let your self to be pulled in further into this drama power game.

September 19, 2018 at 10:00 pm #226437

Rai
Participant

That’s kinda how I feel like I need to stay out of it, I guess it just feels like bad karma for me to know and her to be left in the dark.

She may go on to marry or have kids with this guy and him still carry on doing this to het.

September 20, 2018 at 2:19 am #226449

Cat
Participant

Dodged a bullet I’d say! Would you want someone to tell you? I would and I don’t think it’s inviting drama, for you aren’t the one being deceitful. Truthful information is not a bad thing, just hard to be the one to deliver it. You may end up feeling empowered for stopping this jerk in his tracks. For what it’s worth, I think you should take the road less traveled, the hard road. You may save her some heartache, certainly not all the girls he’s going hurt, but helping one would be enough.

September 20, 2018 at 10:08 am #226485

Inky
Participant

Hi Rai,

Karma will bite him in the butt, don’t worry. The best part is you don’t have to be the one to deliver it. Just pray that you will one day be able to see it happen.

Of course, it is tempting to plant the seed. You could do this as an anonymous note in the mail to her and have it be in someone else’s handwriting. For all he knows (she will show him) it’ll be from another girl he wronged long ago. He will tell her that this mystery girl is “crazy”, but the seed will be planted, and she will always wonder…..

Anyway, up to you how you want to handle!

The only reason he came back to you is because he’s in it for the attention, and he LOVES the drama!

Best,

Inky

September 20, 2018 at 12:01 pm #226509

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Rai:

If your boyfriend has not displayed any violent behavior in the past, with you or with others, if he displayed lying but no violence, if I was you, I would inform the new girlfriend as soon as possible, telling her who I am and sending her a note where I will repeat what you shared here.

It will give her the opportunity to choose better for herself and it may feel better for doing something toward justice (preventing another human being from believing a repeat liar) following an injustice done to you, recently by the same person.

anita

September 20, 2018 at 1:45 pm #226521

Johana
Participant

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and I moved in with him like 5 months ago, I have anxiety, I am a very sensitive person. Well last Saturday we went out late at night to get something to eat. When we left I accidentally forgot my phone on the table, he got mad and I was upset because I don’t like seeing him mad, I wanted to cry but I didn’t. But on the way back I felt different, keep this in mind, any little thing that he tells me or gets on to me about I feel like crying because I feel like Im not good enough! I’ve always been like this, sensitive wise. But that Saturday night I felt like I don’t love him anymore but I do, I know I do! But I get frustrated bc I keep thinking I don’t, like thoughts just keep running in my head but I don’t want to think that, I’m happy with him, he loves me so much! I’m talking about the man who I already planned all my future with, I’m really upset. I feel tightness in my chest sometimes, it’s not the first time this happened, I just need some advise. Please help me!

March 14, 2019 at 5:33 am #284547

Anonymous
Guest

* Dear Johana: I was not aware of your post until this morning. The right place for your post would have been in your own thread. If you are reading this, more than five months later, please start your own thread and I will reply to you there.

anita
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