Alone

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This topic has 388 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.

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September 7, 2017 at 11:27 am #167726

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Lisa:

You wrote: “My feelings are valid regardless how people view the reasons for them”- I agree. Your feelings are valid, absolutely.

You wrote that you understand coincidences, but that you believe that there are too many “coincidences” in your life, that “some negativity from my past tries to trip me up. I didn’t want this, I didnt look for it but it found me as usual. I dont know what to do.”-

Are you suggesting that some entity is producing events in your life for the purpose of tripping you up?

anita

September 7, 2017 at 11:31 am #167728
Lisa
Participant
Regarding my issue I thought maybe I could wear sunglasses and a scarf, go into the apartment, do my work and just cover up again when I leave…but why do I have to do that??? I have done nothing to this woman and yet I have to worry that a spoiled brat who looks down on me would take delight in hurting my reputation. Again, why am I put into a position that I do not want to be in, that I did not ask to be in and I did not initiate?
- This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Lisa.
September 7, 2017 at 11:35 am #167732

Lisa
Participant

I am about to cry in public again because I am surrounded by friends meeting each other at the cafe and I am stressing over this nonsense…and that’s it I can not stop because I feel punished for nothing again.

September 7, 2017 at 11:38 am #167734
Lisa
Participant
Anita I am searching for an answer as to why I am constantly placed in an uncomfortable position that I did not cause. I live in a city, a big city, not a small town…what are the chances of this guy living one building up from a person I want to avoid? I am looking for a logical answer. The logical odds are against me constantly be hunted down by bullies but I can’t avoid them. I have to get out of this cafe. It feels very hostile. I wish I could talk to my landlady.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Lisa.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Lisa.
September 7, 2017 at 11:58 am #167740

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Lisa:

It is time for me to be away from the computer. Will be back in about 17 hours. Please take best possible care of yourself. Will read any future posts and will reply when I am back.

anita

September 7, 2017 at 12:05 pm #167742

Lisa
Participant

Thank you Anita.

Anyone else, any words of comfort would be appreciated.

September 7, 2017 at 3:32 pm #167768

Lisa
Participant

So many signs today that I’m fooling myself and yet I finished writing my goals but they are for nothing. I am fooling myself again. I believed again that I was worth it but everything today says otherwise. No Lisa you can not exist with us. In life I crashed a party I wasn’t invited to and I am being ignored by everyone except the stuck up women who delight in seeing me hurt.

September 7, 2017 at 7:40 pm #167792

Lisa24
Participant

Dear Lisa, I hope all the best things in the world to you. I don’t really have lots of words of wisdom, but I wish you all the best, and to just NOT give up. Try and focus on what you can do, and take it day by day. Appreciate the tiny things which you think that you like to do – in the long run, I think that they will lead you to happiness. Finding the right help is also important, but I know that it is not always easy, even if you pay therapists, they are not always good in what they do. However, I do believe that Anita will have more words of wisdom to share xoxo

September 7, 2017 at 7:51 pm #167794

Lisa24
Participant

Dear Anita, my nickname is Lisa, but not the same Lisa like the one you were replying to. I only came to this website by accident/chance. However, it really intrigued me, and hooked me sort of, because in reality, I was looking for my answers myself. At the moment, all I can say is, that although I don’t really know everything about what this website is and its function, I have seen that you respond to lots of people, and give them lots of good advice. At the moment, although am very very confused myself, I would simply like to thank-you for what you do. As I said, I don’t know the exact purpose of this site, but I do know what it feels to feel burdened and alone, and you seem to be helping lots of people. I thank-you from the bottom of my heart. You have given me some faith in humanity and in the purpose of this life. I once used to be a very very enthiusiastic girl, who seeked happiness in helping others, and like you, I used to make it a mission in loving and helping others. I still do, though I find it difficult due to the burdens and weights I feel. Besides, I am still very young and do not know many things, and although I love my family, I cant always open up with them, because although they will listen, they do not always understand. I am in a state where from one point, I would like to find the purpose of this life, and myself in it, but on the other-hand I feel afraid of what that might be. You know, once I always thought that my purpose was something (was very young) and I just prayed to God, to do not give me that purpose. Perhaps I was childish, and I just let it get to my mind without really being of any substance. However, I was never really a child, I always was too much mature, too mature, that I never knew how to play, sort of, I was always intrigued (from as long as I can remember) of how things happen and why. Instead of playing, I was always intrigued in what the people were doing, what they were feeling, and why. I was always too mature, and it brought lots of stress at times, because you ll have lots of questions which you have no answers for. Last but not least, I am in a point where I will almost graduate – the last bit, and lots of other major important things in my life, all in one basket. So, my attention is on these things, even if I have other things on my mind. I am just trying to focus on things one at a time. The thing which I feel is carrying me around – or I carrying it – is fear.. for everything sort of .. fear of change, of new things, of old ones, of the unknown and the things which I do know about. Perhaps this is life, or perhaps this is what everyone will endure when he puts thoughts into what s/he is doing. As in, at one point, all of us question our lives right? Wishing you all the best xxxx Love & Happiness xxx

September 8, 2017 at 5:59 am #167830

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Lisa:

I sure hope you feel better today. You had such a difficult day yesterday. I hope you post today with how you are feeling.

In a post yesterday you wrote: “The logical odds are against me constantly be hunted down by bullies but I can’t avoid them. I have to get out of this cafe. It feels very hostile.”

On May 2 of this year, the day after you started this valuable thread, you wrote: “I was an outgoing kid with an open heart… I was bullied on school grounds… I was often called a baby or sissy for not standing up to kids that bullied me but my thoughts often went to wondering why they wanted to bully me?”

Your thread is a testimony to how damaging bullying is, how important it is that people in the position of parents, teachers, school employees will do everything in their power to interrupt bullying and prevent it, see to it that those doing the bullying stop doing it, and attend to the children who have been bullied, comfort them, help them.

You wondered, as a child, why they wanted to bully you. Now, as the adult that you are, at 48, you believe that you are still being bullied, and wanting to satisfy the question why they want to bully you, you came up with a part answer: there is a conspiracy of sorts, a plan of sorts, by an entity of some kind that intentionally wants to hurt you, to punish you and it goes about doing just that.

Am I correct, Lisa, in my understanding that you believe the following:

For over forty years or so, an entity of sort intended and still intends to inflict pain on you, Lisa, wanting to punish you. In its intent to hurt you, it repeatedly, through the decades of your life, brings about events, coordinates those events, making them happen in such a way so that they result in you getting hurt. This entity’s aim is to hurt you.

Am I understanding correctly?

anita

September 8, 2017 at 6:09 am #167838

Anonymous
Guest

* Dear Lisa24 (not the Original Poster): thank you for your appreciation and kind words. If you would like to start your own thread, please do (click Forums, choose a Category, click chosen category, scroll down the page to the empty box. You can copy and paste there part of your post here, add to it, if you’d like). I found your post very interesting, especially your last note about fear and will be glad to communicate with you on your own thread.

anita

September 8, 2017 at 4:34 pm #167962

Lisa
Participant

Lisa24 and Anita thank you so much for your thoughts. I am doing better today but too tired. I will be better tomorrow morning and respond to you both.

thank you.

September 9, 2017 at 5:23 am #168002

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Lisa:

Glad you felt better yesterday, when you posted the above. Looking forward to your next post.

anita

September 10, 2017 at 10:12 am #168130
Lisa
Participant
Lisa24, thank you for your wishes. I do not give up but I always stop right before the biggest hurdles. I get into a good mindset and I get past many obstacles but when I reach one or two of the biggest hurdles to be where I want to be I fall down. Get depressed and then go back almost to the starting line and go through the same pattern yet again. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have done this. I am not sure why I can not or find those last hurdles impossible but they are so big I just stop.

I often compare the scene in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland where Alice wants to get into the garden and faces the obstacles of trying to do that and finally sits down and cries to my own life. That scene really captures how many times I have tried to work out the problem only to end up in tears.

I am somewhat more optimistic today. Thinking about more ways of getting into the garden which is a metaphor for my dream life.

I agree with you about paying attention to small ways of getting there. Those small things I can do to improve my life…I am still thinking of them.

Therapy is very difficult to maintain on limited resources. I would love to still be in therapy.

I second your thoughts on Anita. She has helped me a lot these past months and I am in awe of her generosity in giving advice. I have been inspired by the advice I have been given here by Anita and others.

Thank you again and I apologize for responding a day later than I said but what I want to do and what I actually do sometimes are two different things.

Thank you,

Lisa
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
September 10, 2017 at 11:46 am #168156
Lisa
Participant
Anita, I am doing better today. I am holding on to especially one nutritional diet choice and even got out walking today. I am overlooking my goals today and wanting to enjoy the path more than the outcome. I really need to be persistant with that. I would like to repeat my thoughts to you about not being able to face the final obstacles that stand between me and my dreams. My will is there to a point.

Yes bullying has had a profound effect on my life. I have seen people who have bullied me grow up to have families while I have been left to survive. It’s not that I do not want others to have happy lives and have love in their lives…my question is what did they do to deserve that and what did I do to deserve to be alone? I guess the school I went to emphasized award…not that I didn’t want to do what was right just for the sake of it. I just never thought if I worked hard that I would ever be punished.

Idon’t know if I believe there is an “entity” making things happen to me. I am just trying to understand the numerous and I mean numerous, not one or two coincidences that seem to set me up for a fall. I was optimistic when I came out of my room at home, I was optimistic about starting school, I was optimistic when I joined in playing a game with my peers, I was optimistic starting high school, I was optimistic going into my twenties…my thirties…every time I get a new job etc. Every new experience I feel there is someone showing up looking me in the eye and saying umm “Who do you think you are?” “Don’t get too comfortable, you are not liked.” I feel like I have to be served humble pie just for thinking that I’m just as good as everyone else.

So I am just trying to come up with an answer as to why things always seem to fall into place to trip me up.

I want to apologize again for answering later than I said.

Thank you,

Lisa
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
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