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  • October 16, 2017 at 4:54 am #173363
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    My last post to you was about justice. I wrote there that life is not just and that “All we can do, individuals who care about justice and fairness, is make individual choices with these values in mind”-

    It is just that you get medical benefits and a higher pay for your work. Therefore, it is just and fair that you pursue and take on a job that offers these things.

    My second note is regarding your strong emotions: “I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt…I have to be calm… I feel the only way I can deal with all of this is to be numb…all I can do is work and feel anxious all the time…I am crying now of course. Why do I have to be upset all the time?”

    This is my answer to your question: because you are Alone (title of your thread). In the very beginning of your life and through the years of your childhood, you were very much alone. When a child is alone, in her room, door shut from the inside, while there were fights in the home, a child is scared. When there is no one to hug you, to silent that fear, to calm you, the fear goes haywire. That fear is your anxiety, that fear, experienced alone and without comforting, is that intense emotionality you experience.

    If I could go back in time, into your world, I would give little Lisa a hug so big and warm, that it would melt that fear away.

    anita

    October 16, 2017 at 11:41 am #173441
    Lisa
    Participant

    Anita thank you…I can not process anything right now. I feel so much hostility around me. I wonder which is the fantasy world…when I’m feeling better or when I am feeling like this? I have you and this site but no one in front of me reaching out. In fact I feel people around me to be either indifferent or giving off a negative vibe. I have to get back to work but I can’t shake this feeling and I have no idea what I am going to say. I feel I should be past all this.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Lisa.
    October 16, 2017 at 12:03 pm #173445
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    “when (you’re) feeling better or hen (you are) feeling like this”- both are realities inside of you.

    What is reality outside of you: are people indeed hostile to you or indifferent?

    Some are hostile, others are indifferent, some are caring. Most are unavailable, not attentive to you; they don’t even see you. Fantasy is that people are focused on you, that their words and actions are all or most about you.

    Reality: people are busy with their own thoughts, their own feelings. People are often struggling with conflicts in their relationships, personal and otherwise. Some people who look at you wonder: does Lisa see that I am inferior to her, that I am less than her?

    The people who suffer the most (and you are one who suffer a whole lot) believe that they are the only ones, separate, unlike any other person.

    But it is not… reality. You are one of many people who suffer, one of many who suffer a whole lot. You are, in reality, not Alone.

    anita

    October 23, 2017 at 12:48 pm #174443
    Lisa
    Participant

    I know Anita.

    I wonder if I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I hate to be anxious all the time. I almost never know what it’s like to be comfortable in myself. Even right now sitting alone I’m anxious. “Am I doing the right thing? “I have a headache and I just want to be able to go to my room and hide.” “I have to go to a job and be nice but that always means talking to someone and I am afraid that my anxiety will come out.” I am good with social exchanges but if people expect more of me then I will be done for in my new job. If I am in an environment that’s friendly it has to be a completely friendly environment.

    I have to treat my new job as it’s the first day everyday. My biggest fear is becoming too comfortable. I fear that because the more comfortable I get the more honest I get. That is not good. I have to appear happy and calm all the time because my true self is in pain and anxious and defensive. I feel threatened and want to run away. I have to find a way to deal with the small percentage of rude customers. I can be happy and accomodating 1000 times but 1 time I’m rude and impatient and that’s all that a boss sees. I am in my third day of training and I feel anxious. I am taking a supplement that is suppose to support calmness. I have to go and get ready.

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    October 24, 2017 at 8:41 am #174605
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    Of course you are and have been suffering from anxiety, an ongoing state of fear, and so have I. So do millions of people, as anxiety seems to be the human condition. Unfortunately. Your individual anxiety, in my experience with people,  is one of the more intense in human experience, and very long term. Not outside the human experience, but on the more intense end of the spectrum.

    And it is possible for you to manage it better, to continue to do what you have done to manage it and do more of it. You function very well considering your anxiety.

    You wrote: “I just want to be able to go to my room and hide”- just like you did as a little girl.

    You wrote: “My biggest fear is becoming too comfortable. I fear that because the more comfortable I get the more honest I get. That is not good. I have to appear happy and calm all the time because my true self is in pain and anxious and defensive”-

    that core belief that you were taught as a child, that you have to appear calm, to not show your distress, that core belief is harming you. It creates a pressure to “appear happy and calm all the time”- an impossible goal that causes anxiety… as in, when is the next time I lose that happy-and-calm appearance?

    Changing that core belief, accepting that no one can look happy and calm all the time, and that neither should anyone appear that way, will help with your anxiety.

    anita

     

     

     

    October 29, 2017 at 6:51 pm #175491
    Lisa
    Participant

    I am feeling down tonight after a very successful day at my job because after I did my job perfectly my manager had to remind me of a past failure of mine as a customer. This is after me coming in on my day off. So now I feel like a failure but guess what…whatever is trying to take me down is going to lose. I had something else traumatic that I had to handle last week at my other job out of the blue. It seems getting a new job and the possibility of success brings out the obstacles saying no you will not succeed. When I am making little money and in a rut nothing horrible happens to me unless I tried to change that. When I try to improve myself that’s when the obstacles really happen. Well guess what??? Nothing is going to stop me from improving my situation. I am beyond playing around with that…even if I have to put up an imaginary wall around myself I will not fail. If no one can touch me than I will not fail and all the worthwhile people are getting ready to knock me down because they don’t even want me to have the basics in life let alone anything more. Guess what???? No matter what they throw at me I am not going to lose. Get used to it. The people who want to knock me down are not going to win. I am upset right now and crying and they will do almost anything to make me cry and get upset in public but I won’t do it. If I have to take every herb, drink tea, to keep me from thinking about what they are trying to do to me I will. They are not going to win.

    I would also like to add that many men do not respond to my thread because I call them out on what they get away with….and that’s the truth. They are not afraid that they will be hated. They couldn’t care less about someone like me…and you know what…I was a good person too with talent, intelligent and pretty. Their only problem with me is I talk. I don’t think I have responded to anyone in this thread without being grateful for their input. I am not buying that men are afraid they are going to be hated…they just don’t have the time someone like me. Let’s be real.

    It’s very important for me to know that people know that I know the truth and the truth is that men are not afraid of posting in my thread. Men couldn’t possibly care less about me.

    I am going to put my game face on tomorrow though. I am upset tonight but I will be unbeatable tomorrow. No one will get to me. I will not let them hurt me.

    I am upset tonight thow. If only I could become cold and unfeeling then I would be successful.

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    October 29, 2017 at 7:04 pm #175501
    Lisa
    Participant

    One of my biggest problems in life has been that the people who want to help me are always attached to the people who want to hurt me.

    Of course the people who want to hurt me are clever enough to make sure they are attached to good people who protect them.

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    October 29, 2017 at 7:32 pm #175513
    Lisa
    Participant

    I’m a big zero to men. They are not the poor little souls who are afraid to post in my thread. They don’t care. They don’t want anything I want to offer. I had one purpose in their minds and if I do not serve that purpose then what good am I to them? Men don’t respect women. We are tools to them. Women who buy into that hate other women who speak up and then they protect men.

    Men have plenty of women out there ready to put the expendable women in their place. Men look out for one another. Women look out for men.

     

    Women have to look out for themselves.

     

     

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    October 29, 2017 at 7:41 pm #175519
    Lisa
    Participant

    I could add more but “gasp” I am thinking about how some men might feel. Not me. Not hateful me. I could go on about what they have done to my life.

    …and now that I am on their “don’t care” list I am suppose to se them as the victums of my hatred? I don’t hate anyone. I hate what has been done to me and I hate injustice and I hate that women will cast other women aside for men. I hate that men don’t see me as an individual.

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Lisa.
    October 30, 2017 at 3:06 am #175609
    Lisa
    Participant

    I can give many examples of women forgetting what is fair and letting men’s comfort and need to control everything without complaint from anyone. Women feel as if they can’t speak up or risk being alone, or fired, or being seen as difficult.

    October 30, 2017 at 3:47 am #175611
    Lisa
    Participant

    Or women can be seen as one of the many insulting terms that men feel quite comfortable (thanks to women and the allowances they make for men) using to describe women.

    October 30, 2017 at 4:56 am #175623
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    You were definitely upset and distressed when you posted the above series of posts. You repeated the same thoughts, the same beliefs that you expressed many times.

    I hope you feel better today and please do return to your thread and post again anytime, repeating the same thoughts or coming up with new thoughts.

    anita

    November 1, 2017 at 7:11 pm #176139
    Lisa
    Participant

    I am very upset right now and I think I am coming down with something. My throat is very sore and I don’t feel well. I am crying now because I am wondering why my  new manager hasn’t given me my schedule yet. It was given to me on two consecutive Mondays and here it is going on Thursday and I have not received my new schedule. My manager from my other job wants to know when I’m available next week and I can’t tell him. I asked her last night and she said no I haven’t  made the schedule yet. I heard her going over it with another new person tonight but she said nothing to me. I have worked 8 straight days there and all week my other job that I wanted to reduce my hours has had me working all week so I have been working doubles every day this week. My new job called me in Sunday on my day off. I am so tired because I also clean.

    I am tired right now and I am afraidthat my new manager wants to weed me out. I have had a perfect performance at my new job but that honestly doesnt mean anything. Me perfect is still not good enough. I have no one to come home and talk to. I feel unwanted everywhere I go. I also was having a good day at my older job and then I got blamed for a small issue that could have turned into a big issue. I thought I was doing the right thing but was made to feel I was not when something came up.

    I feel like things are being thrown at me to trip me up. I am also working way more hours than I wanted to at my older job.

    This new job is a good job and I tried very hard to get hired and I just feel like I am not wanted even though my performance has been perfect. I am nervous and I came home crying again. I am so tired of feeling unwanted, scared, upset and then punished for feeling all three. I would feel more secure if my new manager would give me my schedule for next week.

    People don’t like it when I cry but what else am I suppose to do when I have to work day and night to support myself or simply because I can not say no. I can’t say no because I can’t say no to someone that needs me but if they don’t think they need me anymore I am basically rejected.

    I am extremely depressed right now. I do not feel well and I feel very insecure.

    I am trying to make myself take a bath but I can’t move. I should give up hope of ever feeling secure.

    November 2, 2017 at 5:43 am #176195
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lisa:

    I wish your new manager did give you a schedule every Monday, in a reliable way. That would cause you to feel secure in this one area, relying on her for a schedule every Monday.

    People are often not reliable and do not do what they should do when they should. This is Reality. However we wish it was different, and I wish it was, it is what it is.

    You are very reactive to Reality, shaken every time it is not the way it should be. You easily get distressed. I understand.

    anita

    November 3, 2017 at 12:07 pm #176393
    Lisa
    Participant

    I had a small shelf in the house for my groceries and I came home today to find out my roommate’s boyfriend moved the little that I have up to someone else’s shelf. He put his stuff there that was convenient for him. This guy loves the kitchen and I get the vibe that he hates that I or anyone else in the house has to use it. I work three different jobs and spend a half an hour tops making mu dinner. He has had a tone when instructing me in the kitchen. I wish my roommate (who owns the house) was in the room when he talks to me or the other person who lives in the house like that. He instructed this other roommate once that it interferes with him making dinner when he is at the table eating. My roommate who owns the house was giving me advice and saying that I get upset too easily the day before because my new job couldn’t find my paycheck. She thought that I wait too long to stand up for myself and then I get upset.

    My brain can not process an emplorer blaise about an employee’s paycheck. My brain can not process my roommate’s boyfriend just claiming my shelf. I am not suppose to get upset over that either. The person that lived here before I shared that shelf with her and my other roommate had elhe shelf above. Now I have no shelf and I wonder why I have to be careful how I tell him this is my shelf. I get the impression that if I say anything to him my roommte will think I am being difficult. She obviously does not want to criticise her boyfriend or more importantly she doesn’t want anyone criticising her boyfriend. I can also see him complaining about things and he always seems to get his way. It is a surprise considering my roommate but in reality it is not a surprise.

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