December 19, 2016 at 4:22 am #123010rosalyParticipant
I’m a 24 year old single female currently living at home with my mom for a few months due to unemployment.
My parents split when I was 16 and I have never been close with my family at all, no aunties or uncles, only an older sister. The only family member I’m close with is my grandma, who is now 89 years old. After my parents split my father moved to Switzerland (We live in Belgium) leaving me, my sister and my grandma behind, he and I rarely talk and he is always working to provide for my step brother and my step mother.
My mom has a boyfriend and even though he is nice, we were never really close at all. Every year I am in the same situation. My mom will go somewhere with her boyfriend for christmas, or celebrate with his family whom I don’t know. And my father will be off the radar, doing the same with his family. My sister will be going away with hey boyfriend too. I feel bad that no one thinks of me or asks what ill be doing for christmas this year, it’s like they just don’t care.
This leaves me home alone most of the time, I will stop by my grandma to have a cup of coffee in the morning but that’s about it, even she has other plans. All my friends are busy celebrating the holidays with their own family or wth their in-law’s. They know I am in this situation and they feel bad for me, however they have their own plans and lives and I don’t want to bother them.
Because I’m single I have no in-law family to visit it get’s really depressing. Knowing that so many people are having nice dinners with their lovely families, brothers and sisters, and Im just waiting it out. It’s a constant reminder that I’m alone, struggling to find someone to visit or have something to do on christmas just so I don’t feel isolated. I feel like I shouldn’t have to be in this position, especially at my age.
On the 28th of December I do have a get together with my friends, we will have a christmas dinner and a party. Obviously we all planned this after christmas so everyone could make it. Not all my friends know of my situation, everybody will be talking about what they ate or got for christmas, and ill just feel the need to pretend I didn’t sit alone on the couch. If it wasn’t for this little get together I would not have spoken to anyone during the holidays and it makes me feel pathetic and left behind.
Any advice to stay sane? 🙁 Thank youDecember 19, 2016 at 10:02 am #123022Bao NguyenParticipant
1st of all, i wish you have a great Christmas. 2ndly, i think u should do some volunteer works, get yourself involve in community work, i am sure you will feel better. i know its suck to be alone during festive season but at least you have a place to stay during a cold as hell season lol. I am alone during Chrismas season too, however, i know that there are people in Aleppo couldn’t even afford basic needs to live by, children has no food no place to live; and that thought make me feel i am blessed for what i have….
Also, Chrismas is only on for 2-3 days, time flying, and after that you can party with your friend on 28. Yayee. Moreover, freedom is like best thing you can have; so make a coffee/tea, sit down with a piece of paper and pen and write down what you wanted to do before but you couldn’t, because you were so busy ;)……in my opinion, time being alone is the time i normally look back what i have done, what i have learned and how i can improve myself next year, but it is just literally for me lol.
Also, you mentioned that your mom’s boyfriend is very nice, why not come and visit his family, talk to your mom, she will love it…..and chances you may meet some pretty looking guys hahaha…
And keep in mind that
“No such thing as a life that’s better than yours
No such thing, no such thing”
J Cole – Love yourzDecember 19, 2016 at 10:11 am #123024Bao NguyenParticipant
btw, you guys have a blessss weather, its like -20 something in Toronto now… cheer up. Also, why not ask your mom to celebrate Christmas at your house and ask everyone to come over, tell her you will help her to prepare everything(just what i will do, again just recommendation lol)…. anyway just my recommendation.December 19, 2016 at 10:30 am #123027anitaParticipant
Maybe you will feel better as you spend Christmas alone, knowing that you are not alone … in your aloneness. Millions and millions of people are spending Christmas with their families, people all around them, and yet, they feel sad and alone. They know they should feel connected to … these people, and yet, they don’t. They look at the food, the smiling faces, the voices, and wish they were alone.
Family should be made of people we connect with, people with whom it is SAFE to connect. But often it is not so. Too many people are hiding and pretending as they spend their time with their families, playing along with what movies show- how it should be.
When you are alone, you don’t have to pretend a thing. You can spend your time the way you choose, listen to nice music, watching a good movie (not about how it should be…), eating what you wish to eat. You can make your Christmas eve and day real, authentic.
So many people wish they could do that, yet they feel obligated otherwise.
anitaDecember 21, 2016 at 1:50 pm #123242LostbutlearningParticipant
This is my first day on this site and I signed up for a similar reason to yourself, basically feeling lonely and unwanted.
Firstly I’m not going to tell you how lucky you are like others have, instead I personally think its heart breaking and selfish on your mums part that she could even leave you on your own at Christmas. Weather your 24 or not, your her daughter. I’m 32 now and still feel exactly the same as I did when I was 21, I still hurt and feel sad and struggle to no where to go. there is nothing wrong in being sad, and people who talk about others worse off, well we already know this but right now we’re to busy trying to make ourselves happy and thinking and caring about our own feelings than others and so we should.
I don’t really no what to suggest to you really other then friendship and somebody to care which I do.
I am trying to fix myself at the moment and am starting to realise that my real issues stem from growing up and feeling abandoned, unwanted and unimportant. unlike you I am fortunate to have a mum and 2 sisters as well as aunts. We are all so close but also so far apart that none of us actually understand each other at all we just all love giving our opinions and judgement on each others life’s which is negative and wrong. This year we are all spending xmas together thankfully because other wise it would just be myself, my mum and her boyfriend.
I generally don’t have any friends which I really don’t no know why because I have had so many over the years but they’ve always disappeared on me. I expect people to treat me how I would them which is with care and loyalty and when they don’t which is more or less always I then feel so disappointed and let down. I have been single 9 years now even thou I go on dates etc which i’ve had to resort to tinder for, its always just guys who like small talk and not actually interested in building any kind of connection other than you know what which as much as I love I want a relationship not a quick bunk up lol. I am a fun, outgoing, lively girl who without sounding big headed but I am an attractive girl so really i shouldn’t have any issues but i do every single time. Every single thing I do I do alone which is what makes me feel so lonely, esp when there are people who could join you but choose not to.
Anyway I will be spending new years alone no doubt as I don’t ever get invited anywhere, only by my sister usually but she now has a new boyfriend and just wants to be with him which is totally normal, I’m not her issue.
So all I can suggest to you is to try to make the most of your alone time, buy yourself some nice food, nice new pyjamas or something, maybe light a nice candle and find a good film and just relax for the day. Try not to think about what others are doing and just think about you. I just wanted to ask thou and I’m sure its because you don’t want to burden but has none of your friends who know your situation not invited you to spend Christmas with them and their families?
either way I would love to maybe connect with you more and I think its always nice to have somebody to talk to who can relate to how your feeling. Not sure how we can connect on here so message back if your interested. lots of love from me to you xxxDecember 23, 2016 at 6:43 am #123365ErinParticipant
A friend of a friend (here in Canada) does this really neat thing where she invites anyone who doesn’t have plans for any reason, for an inclusive dinner on Dec 25. That’s something you could consider starting next year, if you like planning things and hosting people.
If your parents are excluding you like that, it’s not you it’s them. I’m sorry that you have parents that would do something like that.December 23, 2016 at 9:41 am #123373
HI there rosaly,
One suggestion that I can possibly make for you would be the fact that on Christmas Eve take a night stroll. If you are situated in one of the major cities of Brussels or Bruges, don’t be afraid to walk around the city center when night falls and everyone is inside their homes and the only people walking around are the churchgoers and last minute Christmas shoppers and just take it all in. I am aware that at first it might seem disheartening to see all the “happy” and “loving” families celebrating the holiday, but after some time when the crowds thin out and everything is quiet with the lights and decorations, it truly does feel like a silent night. Where you can stop and think/meditate over the things that you already have in life. Such as the excitement you have for your Christmas party with your friends. Guess what, for some people, they don’t even have that. There are homeless individuals out on the street and people living in the houses you pass by who have not moved on and are still haunted by their past or addictions.
Another suggestion would be to volunteer your time at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen( I’m not sure if that’s what they are called in Belgium).
Thank You and Take Care
-AP85December 24, 2016 at 6:04 pm #123507BenzRabbitParticipant
Being alone is not fun….and it is specially difficult around Christmas!
You have been given some good suggestions above. The positive thing is that you are only 24….so time is on your side. Keep the faith…..when the time is right, the right person will show up in your life!!
I pray your angels give you strength to endure this lonely time…and send you someone awesome soon!!!
ps: below is the link to a great song by the late Michael Jackson called “you are not alone”….hope it helpsDecember 24, 2016 at 7:29 pm #123523InkyParticipant
Here’s another thing you can do. Say to your father, sister or mother, “So, what are we doing for Christmas?” Tag along. Insist yourself. You do matter. Be an pain in their azz. Make them deal with your presence. Yeah, it’s awkward. Let it be awkward. Let them stew in and own the awkward. How dare they. Really.
The other route you can go is to view Dec. 25th/ as just a day.
Or make sure you go to a Christmas event and see some familiar faces.
Everyone else above made some really good suggestions. Make a list in case this happens next year.
InkyDecember 25, 2016 at 12:32 am #123538
A wonderful idea would be to brighten somebody else’s holiday especially an individual who is working today. Doing a good deed for the person at work such as a compliment or a generous tip would lift their spirits.
Another idea would be going above and beyond, but it’s very heartfelt would be to just randomly call a customer service hotline(maybe an electronics company since they will be swamped and stressed) and just wish the person on the other line a Happy Holiday and let them know they are doing a good job.
Thank you and take care
-AP85December 30, 2016 at 11:29 pm #124047
I hope you had an enjoyable holiday with your friends at the Christmas party.
Happy New Year!
Thank You and Take Care.