Dear Lindsey:

Like the English say: well-done! Well done for blocking his number. Keep it blocked. When you communicate with your boyfriend next, let him know that you did what was right! I am proud of you, if I may say so!!!

anita

You are very welcome, Lindsey!

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I think better not because he may figure that you are trying to undo your guilt with a cookie, making the issue trivial. I’d postpone the cookie gesture and when you get the chance, tell him in a serious tone that you were wrong to have allowed the gross guy to message to you the way he did, that you blocked him and that you are sorry that it lasted as long as it did. What do you think?

(I’ll soon be away from the computer for a few hours).

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I think that you are going about it all the right way, again, well done!

I mentioned to you yesterday that you feel emotions more intensely than other people do. Remember this when you interact with Jason and with other people, and a negative situation comes to be- the situation is probably not as bad as you feel it to be, often not even close to how badly you think it is. In the current situation, Jason expressed concern, enough concern to make it clear to me that you should block the gross guy, tell Jason that you did, and I suppose, apologize for not having done it sooner. But Jason probably did not overthink this, did not feel very anxious about it, did not want to end his relationship with you, etc.

Remember this in future negative situation and react according to the lesser bad situation that it really is. For example, in your conversation with Jason tomorrow, don’t go on and on about it, don’t over-apologize, don’t over-explain. Instead, say what you need to say in a serious tone, apologize sincerely, and add what you learned from the experience. You can practice what to say before you meet with him- it can lower your anxiety level about the Friday conversation.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I am just about to go on a walk and then shopping. I will answer more later, but for now: considering the vulgar nature of the message the guy sent you, and that he directed at you, which Jason read, no wonder he is suspicious. Don’t blame him for that, I would be suspicious too, if I was in his shoes, and I suspect you would to.

“didn’t think it was a huge deal” – from your perspective it wasn’t, but from Jason’s it was a big deal, understandably.

Jason still sounds like a decent guy, be good to him! Will be back to you in a few hours or as late as Sunday morning.

anita

Anita,

Hello and hope you are doing well.  Things are good here.  The kids and I are going to get Aiden’s haircut tonight and he has baseball practice Friday and Saturday evening.

There is a new movie coming out so we might see that.  Things are going better and better with Jason.

He asked me to go on a 2 day vacation with him next weekend.    He mentioned the other day about us both paying half.  I thought to myself “uh ok you invited me” but thought it’s 2 days $100 or pushing it- $200 isn’t a big deal.

He was talking about massages yesterday and it sounded great but in the back of my head I was thinking that’s really expensive to get at a hotel.

So he just texted me a few minutes ago saying my half is $380 if that’s ok.  Umm no not really. That’s a ton of money for me for a 2 day vacation.  I’m not sure how to approach this conversation and I’m a bit annoyed.  Am I overreacting? I think $200 is more than adequate and skip the massages. they are probably $150 easy.

Lindsey

Dear Lindsey:

In regard to your former younger man friend, well done on taking advantage of this boundary lesson. “Way easier said than done“, but you did it, good job!

In regard to Jason, I am disappointed that he asked for half because like you said, he invited you. Is it that he is struggling financially, to the best of your knowledge and did the two of you share expenses before? And did you have discussions before on your/ his financial situation?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

You asked in your previous post if you are overreacting. I am wondering this about myself, because I am quite disappointed and even angry that he asked you for half of your first trip together, half of ALL expenses, including the massages.

What I am sure about is that you shouldn’t agree to pay $380 for the trip, and that you should tell him what you are thinking of telling him, that you are “a single mom and I can’t afford the cost of these types of trips“.

Here is what I suggest: tell him just that, which I boldfaced above. Make the message short and simple, not angry or disappointed. Don’t add anything about the massages or anything else. Instead, wait to see how he responds. How he responds will be very telling, I think.

anita