Anita,

I said that and he responded with “I did ask you about paying half before.”  He said he could cover the rest but he’s on a tight rope with the divorce.  I’m annoyed and just said I would pay it to stop the uncomfortable conversation.

Now I get to deal with future financial relationship troubles.  Not a smart move on my part.  I agree with things to avoid conflict.

I’m disappointed that he didn’t say I understand Lindsey I’ll cover the rest.

Lindsey

Anita,

Yes I said I cannot afford $380 but I can give you $200. – his response “I think I can cover your half.”

Yes I told him I would pay the $380 and he didn’t respond or confirm that statement he started talking about something else.

I’m not happy here with what is going on.

What is all this half about?? We are not roommates

Lindsey

Dear Lindsey:

Did you tell him that you will cover the $380 AFTER the told you that it’s okay with him that you will pay $200 and that he will cover the rest ($180)?

If so, why did you not accept his offer to cover the $180???

anita

Dear Lindsey:

First, I am glad to read that you will not be paying over $400 for the weekend trip! Second, if his response to you offering to pay “only” $200 was to cancel the trip or to suggest that you don’t get the massages (but he will)- that would have been a death sentence to the relationship, as far as I am concerned.

So, let’s look at what we have here: he has the money, he can afford treating you for a weekend vacation. Why doesn’t he? He prefers not to. Why does he prefer to go 50%-50% with you?

Ask him. Ask for his reason or reasons, no use guessing when you can ask and get his answer.

But before you ask, we can guess the reasons: (1) If he pays for you, he feels like he has less money to buy himself more expensive sunglasses, clothes, etc. (2) Paying for you makes him think that you are with him for the treats: restaurant, travel and whatnot, feeling used. Having you pay for yourself makes him think that you are with him… for him, and he doesn’t feel used, (3) He is angry at his ex-wife, and he projects her into … you, (4) He believes that men and women are equal and should treat each other as such in each and every way.

I can’t think of anything else, right now.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

“He believes men and women in a relationship/marriage are always 50/50” – if the man and woman make the same amount of money, then 50-50 is fair. But if the man (or woman) makes 9 times the amount of money that the other makes (or otherwise, has 9 times the amount of material resources that the other has), then for equality’s sake, dates and trips should be paid 10%- 90%.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I agree, “financial discussions are a must” in a long-term relationship.

“5 minutes after I sent that text to my ex pulls up to drop off baseball equipment to my son with his girlfriend. Now-the divorce paperwork outlines he cannot come into my neighborhood…  I am thinking about getting a temporary restraining order.  I know that sounds extreme but it’s the only way I know to make him follow our divorce paperwork and I will also have it on file for the future” –

– I agree with you about getting a restraining order and placing on file his disregard for the divorce agreement. It is not extreme on your part; it is extreme on your ex’s part to disregard the rules that he previously agreed on! I am sorry that you have to deal with your ex, a passive-aggressive character, is he?

anita

Anita,

So this is why I’m feeling anxious. There is a social media app called tic-toc. It has every video you can think of. So last night I forwarded this video that’s a recording : girl is calling her friend saying I need you to come pick me up right now. I clogged my boyfriend’s toilet. So I put the poop in the cat litter box. He then asked me if I did that and I said no. He told me his cat has been dead for 10 days.

I thought it was hilarious. Jason seemed grossed out. This morning I said sorry if I grossed you out last night. I ignored the statement and talked about something else.

Lindsey

Anita,

You always put things in perspective LOL.

Maybe this irrational anxiety is because of the situation with my parents. I just wish it would go away.

Is it bad to ask him for reassurance because of the last few days?  I want this anxiety to go away. I’ve examined his text messages yesterday like they were a math problem.

Lindsey