Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Am I codependent? I feel awful
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September 9, 2022 at 12:40 pm #406851
lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
Try microwaving cut up pieces of hot dog until the pieces are hard. Make a trail leading into your house? Also peanut butter and a toy? Keep me posted with Mr Kooper the Beagle.
Lindsey
September 9, 2022 at 1:03 pm #406852
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
What a great idea, and I do happen to have Hebrew National hotdogs in the frig, thank you. I did try the food trail strategy using Hunter’s favorite Trader Joe’s treats: it worked during one time (during Labor Day weekend), didn’t work the 2nd time. I then tried salami pieces the second time, he loved those and it got him passed the door, but he turned around and left, too scared to stay. I will keep you posted regarding Kooper the adorable Beagle. Have a great weekend!
anita
September 12, 2022 at 7:25 pm #406907AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey;
I told you that I’ll keep you posted about Kooper. Well, it is 7:20 pm now. Less than an hour ago, he was in the house again, eating snacks. His favorite: salami wrapped in mozzarella cheese, walking around, sniffing. I got him to eat from my hand, but he easily gets scared and runs away with his tail down. I wish he understood that there is no reason for him to be afraid here… I can’t wait for the time when he’ll be relaxed in the house, no longer afraid.
anita
September 19, 2022 at 1:34 pm #407225lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
Have you thought about getting a Beagle puppy or dog sitting Cooper for the neighbors? My vote is for a puppy!… or 3.
Lindsey
September 19, 2022 at 1:43 pm #407226AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I definitely thought about getting a beagle, especially since lots of beagles were recently brought to the local animal shelter from some medical experimentation operation in another state. They are not for sale yet, as I understand it. It’s the responsibility that keeps me from having one. As far as dog-sitting Kooper… a great idea, but they love taking their two beagles on vacations with them (RV type of vacations). How is your Monday?
anita
September 19, 2022 at 2:42 pm #407227lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
I would definitely get one of those beagles if I lived in your area. Bugs would have a buddy LOL. Busy Monday but same old same old. Going to get a pedicure in about 30 minutes- can’t wait they are my favorite. How is your Monday? You should get one of the Beagles in my opinion. (keep me posted).
Lindsey
September 19, 2022 at 2:59 pm #407228AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Bugs is a beagle??? I am thinking… of getting a beagle after all. Enjoy your pedicure. My Monday is fine and dandy, a lazy Monday.
anita
September 21, 2022 at 9:58 am #407271lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
Bugs is an Australian Laberdoodle but loves other dogs. We went to the dog park yesterday. Yes I definitely think you should get a Beagle puppy!
On a side note I think that the like with Jason has turned into love as of yesterday. It just entered my brain I’m not sure how to explain it. Anyway I don’t think I should say anything to him. I’m afraid he does not feel the same way and if he says no things will go downhill for me in the relationship. My palms are sweaty writing this. I actually just spoke to him on the phone and thought about just saying it but I just don’t think that is a good idea. Also- what if my brain is creating a scenario for rejection or issues because everything is going great?
Lindsey
September 21, 2022 at 10:21 am #407274AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
An Australian Labradoodle- that’s as cute as can be! Talking about cute, Kooper was in the house twice yesterday and never has he been so comfortable- he was on his back, exposing his belly! He loved the treats (which is usual) but in addition, he loved being scratched and petted. His ears folded back, he bounced and jumped like only a puppy can: it was all a dream come true!!! So, IF Kooper will be here as often as Hunter used to be- it’s like having my own beagle puppy.
About the like changing into love– do not be alarmed! There is nothing you should do about it. Besides the love can change back to like at any time (if you calm down about the recent change). Feelings change… if you let them. Try to not obsess about the recent change of feeling. Nothing in Reality changed, right? It’s Only a Feeling.
anita
September 21, 2022 at 10:26 am #407275lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
So happy Kooper has made himself at home:) Dogs make everything better.
Very wise wisdom regarding the “love” feeling. Not really obsessing more wondering if I should say anything. I think not at this point. We cannot take back things we say in the moment.
Lindsey
September 21, 2022 at 10:33 am #407277AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I appreciate you being happy about Kooper making himself at home, indeed a delight!
About saying anything to Jason: you can say it (I love you) silently, in your own mind- as many times as you want to, whenever you want to- just don’t make it audible, that’s all, because if you do, you are inviting unnecessary trouble.
anita
September 28, 2022 at 1:35 pm #407621lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
No “I love you” said from me. My anxiety creates… turmoil.
How are things with Kooper?
I am feeling that Jason sometimes gives mixed signals. For example, last night he said there was a free movie at his children’s elementary school playing outside on a big screen. He said they may go. I said well…what if we run into each other if I go with the kids? He said “I don’t know” and I didn’t say anything else. This am I asked him if he was saying that for the kids to meet each other or just saying there is a free movie. He replied “more just letting you know there is a free movie at the school.” This is not the first time I have interpreted mixed signals….. what do you think that meant?
Also I feel a little pressure because people have asked me if I have met his kids and when I say no they go “wow, you guys have been dating a long time.” My mom even asked if I wanted to invite Jason when the go snow skiing next March. I said no mom he hasn’t even met my children. I am still not ready for the children to met. He stated what we have now is perfect and I agreed with him
I just do not like it when he is silent and I said I would not be surprised if that happened eventually, referring to the kids meeting….
Lindsey
September 28, 2022 at 5:14 pm #407628AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I’d love to update you about Kooper. I am in a hurry now, so I’ll reply in a few hours.
anita
September 28, 2022 at 7:56 pm #407631AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Kooper is as cute as can be, but he gets scared easily. Every time I think he feels safe here, the next time he shows up he’s back to being scared and it takes time to make him feel comfortable again.
“what do you think that meant?“- I think Jason is like Kooper, scared=> comfortable=back to being scared, but less scared that he used to be. I think that he wanted your kids to meet, but didn’t want to be clear and direct about it. If your kids showed up at this kids’ elementary school and met, he would probably be okay with it, acting as if it’s no big deal.
anita
September 29, 2022 at 7:58 am #407645lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
I think Kooper will come running into your house soon enough wagging his tail. I still think maybe you need to get a beagle puppy possibly when they are available for adoption? (you mentioned beagles that had previously been at a lab).
Your answer about Jason is insightful. I did not think about it from that point of view. I am frustrated because I feel he is giving mixed signals and not clear. I felt rejection when he responded with “not really, just telling you about a free movie” when I think is was very clear there was a possible chance we would run into each other. I said that directly to him and he just shrugged his shoulders saying “I don’t know.”
We will see each other tomorrow and I’m thinking maybe I should just let it go. Not beat a dead horse so to speak. I’m confused about all of it- I don’t understand how to move forward with people saying things about us being together for awhile and not knowing how to talk about it with him because he seems to freeze up.
Lindsey
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