Dear Tristan:

What you described very much reads like a disease of fear that is attached to thinking, aka OCD: “all of a sudden I’m like wait am I gay did I like this person”- all of a sudden, two thoughts occurred to you: am I gay? Did I like this person?

Instantaneously, you felt “really scared”- fear quickly attached itself to these two thoughts. Because of that fear, you “barely eat.. can’t concentrate on school”. As soon as you wake up, you “have those thoughts” plus the fear that is attached to them.

If fear did not attach itself to these two thoughts, then those two thoughts were free to become long gone, forgotten, like so many of your other thoughts.

“Can you guys please let me know if this is just anxiety or am I bi or what is this”- how many times did you post this question on HOCD/ public forum sites, what answers did you get, and how did you respond to the answers you received?

anita

Dear Tristan:

When you thought something was wrong with your health, what thoughts went through your mind and what reassurance did you look for at the time?

Did you receive a reassurance from a doctor that you were healthy, and that resolved your fear over your health?

anita

“Yes, I am a prisoner of sorts, but my prison isn’t the house. It’s my own thoughts that lock me up!” ― V.C. Andrews

Hi Tristan

I used to watch a show ‘Dog Whisperer’. One of the lessons that stuck with me had to do with dogs that would get fixated on a object or some such. These are the dogs that will bark and bark at something that more often then not was no longer there, the person or squirrel having long moved on.  The surprising thing was that often all it took to break the dog out of this abusive state was a tap on its neck. The lesson? To break from a obsessive thoughts look away.

I know easier said then done?  perhaps, we work for that which no work is required…

I’ve know some people who pluck a elastic band around their wrists to distract themselves when they notice a intrusive thought taking them down the ‘rabbit hole’.  Often the intrusive thought becomes obsessive because of the ‘what if’ game we play with ourselves and always imagining the worst followed by more what if’s and more imagining… If you find yourself playing this game remind yourself that most of the things you worried about never happened and if they did you handled it. You have, if you look back, always handled things even the ones you didn’t enjoy. Sometimes well some times not as well but your still here and maybe even learned a few things…  Remind yourself that most of your fears turned out to be False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.)

Mindfulness is a good tool to have in ones back pocket. As part of the practice we remind ourselves we are not our thoughts, we have thoughts, we are not our feelings we have feelings, we are not our jobs, we have jobs, we are not our relationships, we have relationships… (We aren’t even our sexual preferences or gender…)

Imagine the Intrusive thoughts as being the weights you might use to exercise with to get stronger, the noticing of the Intrusive thoughts a opportunity to practice detaching your sense of self from them.

If you search Tiny Buddha Intrusive thoughts you will find quite a few blogs and posts on the issue that may be helpful to you. You are not alone