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Am i holding myself back?

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  • May 15, 2017 at 9:46 am #149517
    Poppyk
    Participant

    Hey everyone,

    I haven’t posted on the forums in a long time but the last time I did, the support i received 100% led me down the correct path, so here I am again asking for some more insight.

    I have come to a point where I dont really know who I am. I think I am happy, funny, friendly , I think I am loved, I think I am smart and intelligent – but why can’t I know?

    People tell me the things I want to hear, but the walls are never broken down by their kind words, I don’t believe them, I don’t get a sense of happiness from what they say, and I feel it is my minds fault, it just disregards and doesn’t process it meaningfully.

    It is probably as a result of serious self-doubt, for which I let spiral into this thing that i am stuck in now, insecurity. It makes me question everything, especially whether I know myself.

    I have recently taken the opportunity to be captain of my hockey team, which of course is the main thing that I doubt i could do, and the main reason for that is that I am afraid i am not good enough, not loud enough, not authoritative enough. I want to use it as an opportunity to do soemthing well and prove to myself that i am capable, not neccissarily of being loud etc., but of being myself.

    But then of course there is another layer of doubt which asks who am I? How can i excel in being me, when I dont know who she is?

    On top of that is the main problem I have, my concern for other people. Even if I don’t like them, and I can accept that and know that I couldn’t or wouldn’t want to be friends with that person, I still find ways to avoid accepting it, and still think of how they perceive me. I concern myself so much with their actions, how confident and loud and anti-shy they are. Again, contributing to a loss of me. I think it makes it worse that the person i refer to here is the captain of the other hockey team.

    Although i mentioned that, i do not want it to be about “forgiving her” or building on a relationship with her or something, because i feel that rather adds to my real issue which is acceptance.

    Accepting that I can be good, funny, clever but also accepting that i am allowed to dislike and be disliked, that with good things/opportunities come the bad.

    Have I just answered my own question? Maybe! I just need help with knowing who i am, and accepting that person on discovery…

    Thanks for listening, and sorry if it was long!

     

     

    May 15, 2017 at 11:02 am #149529
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear rocccks:

    What we know about ourselves is what we believe about ourselves. What we believe is a combination of thoughts and feelings; thoughts glued in place by strong emotions. These beliefs, ex., that you are not capable enough, was formed in childhood (those Formative Years).

    You reject what people tell you if what they say doesn’t fit with what you believe.

    And, I believe, the reason you are bothered by anyone disliking you is that any perception or evidence of disapproval, any criticism of you, triggers the pain of what you already believe, that you are not capable enough, for example.

    Changing negative, false core- beliefs into true-to-reality core beliefs is a necessary part of healing from the consequences of believing about ourselves (and others) what is not true to reality.

    Post again, anytime.

    anita

    May 15, 2017 at 11:26 pm #149609
    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear rocccks,

     

    thinking and feeling are separate. You cannot think your feelings about yourself (or anything else) – you feel them.

     

    It is never useful to compare yourself with anybody (and still we tend to do that). Each person is a unique combination of  so many charasteristics; there are not two alike so in reality you cannot compare no more than there is no authority that can say that blue eyes are more beautiful than brown (or vice versa).

     

    Life is about becoming the person you are. Each day you learn about yourself and the world and come closer to yourself. You are on a good path and everything is and will be fine! 🙂

    May 17, 2017 at 6:52 am #149731
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi rocccks,

    Everything is relative. In one group you could be the best captain ever. You could be the smartest, happiest, and most beloved person in the room! But in another group you could be just another individual, indistinguishable from the rest.

    Life is short. It is enough the we enjoy the ride and appreciate what we do have. And if someone is down on us, even because we are happy “for no reason”, so what?

    If you are a captain, it sounds like you’re already doing fine anyway, in anyone’s playbook.

    Best,

    Inky

    May 17, 2017 at 2:19 pm #149767
    jon kirkham
    Participant

    1 thing i use nowadays are positive affirmations.

    You can find them online to give you an idea, but may i suggest writing your own down first. The areas you doubt yourself in where other people have commended you in but you yourself still doubt. Just affirm yourself on a regular basis. When you start your day, when you look yourself in the mirror, when you’re sitting down for a peaceful moment – basically whenever you can – do it! Something simple to begin with perhaps like “Just smile”, or “I’m growing and developing”

    The only person who is holding yourself back is yourself. I discovered this about myself too. Letting fear and anxiety hold me back from being who i am today! The main aspect to implement is being positive. Drive yourself mentally.

    Works wonders for me. Took a while to implement. And i found a positive affirmation ap that really helps too, gives notifications 3 times a day, and you can set it to give you notifications at certain times too. Its called: affirmation reminder.

    Also just looking at what you’re doing. Helps if you can calm your emotions. Just be positive and trust that you will succeed when you can focus and put your all into it. Even if you make mistakes, see them as lessons. Learn from them

    May 19, 2017 at 9:56 am #150007
    DAVID ROGER KATES
    Participant

    What we know/think that we know about ourselves forms a key component to our personal reality.  Beyond mere reality, “what actually is,” of course owes nothing to our reality/our perception.  Philosophers must examine the world from the outside in, so to one side of their personal perception, but it should be enough for most of us to accept perception, to accept what is real to us, and never to think beyond that.  There is no definitive measure for us to apply when trying to quantify how well we measure up, it`s perceptual only – Those that measure up the best are those that love themselves the most.

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