I met my husband 9 years ago after a very healing 12 months of singledom. I’d that time to heal after a failed relationship and I lived my new self, feeling happy and content in ever way. Then I met a man who felt totally right. We had so much in common, he was kind and caring and protective. It felt so perfect like everything was totally right and it was meant to be. After 6 months in our new relationship he moved in with me and even that was great, he was perfect around the house, helpful and it felt like we’re a great team. Then 2 months later we went on our first holiday abroad together. We booked an excursion from our hotel and had to get up quite early, as I was getting dressed I inadvertently slammed a draw and he said “be quiet other people are sleeping” I turned to him and said “sorry I didn’t mean to” it was then that everything changed, he yelled at me telling that this was typical of me, not caring about other people, in what seemed like several minutes he hurled very personal insults at me and then went silent. Not wanting to miss the trip, we carried on to breakfast and boarded the coach in silence. After a while sitting there insolence in what was supposed to be a memorable first holiday, I began to confused, lonely and trapped, trying to rationalise the irrational outburst I’d just been smacked in the face with. It upset me and I started to cry. After a while he noticed, he turned to me and said “look at the state of you, you need to take a long look at yourself. After a few hours of him sulking and ignoring me and he eventually apologised. He promised he would never do that again. Well you guessed it, things were fine again for a while until another irrational outburst occurred. The same thing happened again, a tirade of non stop insults and an oppressive air of rage and anger hit me like a whirlwind. His insults were so intense and rapidly delivered that I could barely process what he’d said. Afterwords, he would sulk and eventually after several hours, sometimes not until the next day, he pretend that everything was fine. Never an apology. I did so want it to work, we’d created so much together already, I always wanted to believe everything would be ok. 2 years later we married but nothing changed. If already started to notice his controlling ways, if there was something he didn’t like he would take charge by yelling and scowling, there was never a calm discussion and my opinion was never heard. My acceptance of this poor behaviour set a precedent, I know I was saying it’s ok to talk to me like s&£@ and get away with, but I loved him dearly and still wanted it to work, perhaps a cliche; but when it was good it was really good. As time had gone on his outbursts have been noticed my ever single one of our friends so much so that my best friend can’t stand being near him. He had become more controlling and more distant. I can honestly say we never have a nice time whatever we do. We now have a beautiful dog who is my world and if I’m honest she one of the biggest reasons I haven’t left before. The outbursts are more frequent these days and every time they turning into abusive remarks insinuating that I drive him to this. He will not accept that he had faults and won’t even discuss what I suggest is evidence of his poor behaviour. So, last weeek another argument occurred. He works from home and I work long hours in the NHS, so he had more time to be at home doing domestic chores and walking our dog. He also had more spare time than me. So to add to the complexity there is almost a power imbalance, I feel bad about him being able to do more than me so I overcompensate by doing as much as I can at home, sometimes stopping only for lunch on weekend. I’m exhausted and stressed at work and our argument last week was the straw that broke the camels back. I bit back at him in an effort to give him some home truths. As you can imagine it didn’t work, he turned everything back to me. I’d had enough. He had knocked the wind out of my sails for the last time. I’ve fixed myself up with a friend to stay with and I can take my dog. But I’m leaving my beautiful house, my garden our lovely neighbours and this makes me so sad. Everyone I’ve spoken to in the last few days have said those things don’t matter, your sanity matters and he doesn’t deserve you. I’ve been seeing a counsellor lately to help me discover what’s wrong. She has suggested without any doubt that he is a narcissist and that his behaviour is unacceptable, it’s gaslighting and abusive. I don’t disagree with her. My problem is though, even though I know in my heart I should leave him, people stay in marriages that are much worse, am I making a mistake to leave him and my home, everything I’ve worked for to have to start all over again (I turned 50 this year). I’d appreciate any pearls of wisdom 💔