Am I not able to be in a relationship?

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 1 month ago by Aaron.

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March 7, 2014 at 1:34 pm #52481
Csaba
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What I’m telling you know is something that really bothered me for some time now. I just simply don’t know what is wrong with me.

I’m currently 20, and learning economics at my university. For some reason life for me works like this: I work hard in order to make my life better, and some times I reach a point where I’m happy. Everything just works fine, and I’m doing great at all parts of my life. This period usually lasts short, because somebody always comes in my life and messes up everything.

Most of the time this somebody is a girl, somebody for a potential relationship. I meet them for the first time, and feel so excited that I found somebody like her. Then we start talking every day on facebook or in real life. Heres is the part I don’t understand. After spending time with them, and feeling great for being with them, I get depressed, and going downhill. For some reason it feels like a chore. It’s like my soul is refusing to be with someone that I want to love. After some time I get so depressed that I just push them away, and this always gives me a relief (which is sad in my opininon that I work like this), and then my happiness starts to rise again, slowly but steadily.

I had past realtionships where I started it and this problem even existed the, leading me to either ending it or falling into deep depression.

Now, after this happening for the 6th time, I came to realise that something is very wrong with me. It’s not that I dont like to be with people, I’m always with others, I have many friends that love to be with me, because I am the one that is always happy and cheers them up.

So I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me. I came to the realisation that I’m a loner, somebody unfit for a relationship. I just don’t knwo what to do.
- This topic was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Csaba.
March 7, 2014 at 1:53 pm #52484

sandra
Participant

The question is why do you start getting depressed? What in your mind, thoughts is making you depressed? Do you have feelings that maybe you are not good for them? they are not good for you? are you having anxiety about being potentially abandoned, cheated on etc ? Something has to be causing you to feel depressed, so figure out what that thing is and then go from there. But first you have to identify the underlining issue. Besided you are young, explore and find yourself. best of wishes!

March 7, 2014 at 2:09 pm #52485

Csaba
Participant

The reason I wrote this because I honestly don’t know. The ones you said are there but they never overwhelmed me, most of the time I can overcome the destructive thoughts, this is more like a bad feeling, that gets stronger, and stronger. I honetly don’t know and it just tears me apart to let this amazing girl go.

March 7, 2014 at 2:18 pm #52486

sandra
Participant

A bad feeling like something bad is going to happen? You have to be willing to dig deeper! You have to identify the feeling by name or atleast describe it.

March 7, 2014 at 4:18 pm #52488

Maggie
Participant

Sometimes, young people feel extremely happy about a new love interest, whom they tend to idealize. As you get to know this person, you inevitably see some flaws and don’t feel the same initial elation. You may be afraid that she will see flaws in you once she gets to know you and end the relationship or that you yourself will lose some of your initial excitement, which is a temporary “high.” Some are addicted to this “high.” Elation needs to be be tempered by realism in a long-term or mature relationship. You may be afraid this relationship will not work out and worry ahead of time, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe you need to go slower. You like your friends even though you know they are not perfect and vv. I don’t think communicating on Facebook is a good idea. Private means are better. And you are young. You should not assume you will find the love of your life for a while.

March 8, 2014 at 10:55 pm #52503

Anyone
Participant

They say, With rights, come responsibility.
And guess, relationships are no less a responsibility.

It seems your hands are often full of things you’re trying
to achieve in life. So when a person enters your life, you like it,
but when it comes to being responsible towards it, you’re lack of
time and resources or you simply prefer or give priority to your goals,
which is not wrong.

Hope you got some light.

Cheers!

March 8, 2014 at 11:52 pm #52504

Aaron
Participant

I am a 34 year old man.. and I have had many friends over the years. most of them being girls/women and few of them guys. During my H.S. years I was always a very nice guy and I could make anyone laugh. I enjoyed being around them. but as time progressed and I graduated, I found myself as being alone. I have tried to make new friends and have succeeded in it. but around 2001 I had my first and only relationship. it was pretty good for the most of it. I was in this relationship for 11 years. During those years I found myself changing, and not being the person I once used to be. During these years I had lost close family and I was finding myself distancing myself from my girlfriend cause I wanted to be alone. but when my mom died in 2012.. she had a choice to make. she made the choice to move back home and left me. Now I feel like I have no one I can turn to.. all my friends are gone and I just have the friends I work with, but they hardly talk to me. what is so wrong with me, for them to be like this toward me ?
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