Dear anita, I’ve been thinking about you this evening.  What I’m about to say has nothing to do with the topic of this post.

I’ve seen you reply to almost every post on this forum, 100’s if not 1000’s of them.  Your comments are always spot on, insightful, and researched (you will go back the a person’s older posts, re-quote them and really get in the meat of things).  You are a true gem for this community and a unique human being (I mean that in the best and nicest possible way).  So thank you. Just thank you, anita.

anita, I am so very sorry for causing these feelings to come out, that was certainly not the intent.  Our brain can really mess with us at time. It tries to anticipate a behavior, or some words that are about to come and could hurt you.  In a sense, I guess it’s a protective mechanism, but it doesn’t always end up helping.  As in your case.

My words were genuine and I truly meant what I wrote.  I hope you can be over the bad feelings you experienced.

In relation to your hypothetical scenario.  If he were to say something of the sort, I would be far from satisfied.  I might have close to a nuclear reaction, actually.  After all the parading of the girls, for the past 2 years, for him to come to me and utter such words (which would never happen, you know that) would send me in a state of complete rage.  There would be a lot of screaming, cursing, possibly crying (again, in anger, not sadness).

I think you are right, however, regarding his impulsivity.  The current girl is, in his words, a carbon copy of himself: lazy, care-free, they both smoke (and have been desperately wanting to quit) and a few other similar personality traits.  I believe there’s a good chance that she might be the lucky one.  Over the past 7 days, I’ve heard a few things that raised red flags for me, but that is not something for me to worry about.  In addition, I feel like voicing these concerns might be taken as me being jealous, and nothing else, so I stay quiet.

Mark,

This is something I’ve thought about a lot.  Knowing or expecting to get something out of a friendship/relationship seems a little cold, but, on some level, I agree there should be “something” good about it, right?  And, yes, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I don’t think I am getting anything even remotely good out of it.  I say embarrassing because I thought, truly thought, there was something there, hidden, that I might discover would have made all of this worth it eventually.

We are so involved in each other’s lives because we dated for 15 months and know each other on a fairly intimate level.  That there might be a co-dependence is not untrue.  Again, not an easy thing to admit, that you’d rather have a possibly unhealthy relation from someone you should have cut cords with a long time ago, rather than nothing.

I’m a very introverted person and no, I do not have many friends.  I don’t find it easy to make friends and I don’t enjoy social/group settings.  Quite frankly, I’m at an age when I don’t even know how to make new friends (not trying to play the sympathy card here, just a fact).  I’ve hung on to that relation because it exists.  It’s there, it’s known and familiar, and if it weren’t, I would probably feel isolated.

I had the “let’s not carpool and stop seeing each other outside of work” talk this morning.  He seemed a little taken aback, but also agreed to it without any fight.  Only practical downside right now is that we can only get parking passes starting the 1st or 16th or the month. And, yes, today is the 17th. Good timing!

I tried to make it super clear that it wasn’t about “the girls”.  Even though they are not making a positive contribution to  my mood and our overall relationship.  This is about him simply not being a good friend.  Our relation is completely one-sided: I’m the caretaker.  I’m hoping all of this sinks with him.  But if not, I don’t have regrets.

I naively thought I would instantly feel so much lighter, freer after this.  I guess I need to give it a little time. 🙂

Just a quick update… I’m not sure things are really evolving, but contacts have been drastically cut outside of work.  I did not hear from him for the past 4 days – as he went to visit the future Mrs.  That gave me time to disconnect and enjoy my own week-end.  I went on a semi-date (grabbed a drink at a bar) with someone.  This is not going to go anywhere, but I got to try the online dating experience 🙂

I’m still waiting on news of him getting a parking pass.  As of last week, he was more worried about her getting guest parking at his place next time she comes to visit then our carpool situation. Which is frustrating.

Slowly taking back charge of my own life is feeling good.

I couldn’t not share this. I have a new definition of irony:

That day you have a talk with your ex-boyfriend and explain to him the importance of being acknowledged, as a partner/lover/girlfriend; then 36 hours later he posts a picture of him and new-girl on facebook.

Not. What. I. Meant…

That was just brilliant.  I can’t do anything but smile at that.

He’s now unfollowed on FB – I didn’t think to do it before since he *never* posts anything. Well, didn’t use to.

Everytime I think and feel like I’m making progress and moving on, something happens.