Dear Anita, that could very much be the truth, I do feel that it is frustrating for me and that I would prefer us living together, but at the same time I’m torn..
I find that even when we are together at his place (He live together with his mom, little brother and sister) I can get frustrated with him, since he wants to decide how much food I need to eat and he won’t let me decide myself, I’m frustrated since he told me from the beginning we started going out that he would look for a job, but only now he is showing me a little bit of progress and it just bothered me that I had to pay for almost everything unless his mom gave him a little bit of money, there’s just several things that are starting to bother me, including that he sits down all day playing video games instead of writing a CV and sending it out to people, I just honestly don’t like the person I am becoming since I feel that it is unfair to him.

It’s just hard for me to control this when I feel that I don’t see him trying “enough”, I myself am currently trying to finish my education and try to save money for us to be together in the future, but I just don’t see that he tries the same and he wants it as much as I do, even if he do say that.

– Laika

Dear Anita, Firstly I want to thank you for your thoughtful replies, it means a lot.

I know I care for this man a lot and I so badly wish he would try harder, but I’m also wondering if it’s unfair of me to say that I don’t want to wait any longer, when its been 3-4 weeks since we talked, even though I notice that it reached a point where it’s something that can make me cry.

But at the same time, if I do decide to stay, I’m confused as to what my expectations should be and how I can avoid going back to my old habits where I am now and end up feel annoyed again and let it out on him.

-Laika

Dear Anita, I want to make sure that I understand it completely, do you want me to make a list of expectations of myself and of him for our relationship, or do you want my boyfriend and I to make a list together?

– Laika

Ps. I hope you have a good break and I am very grateful for your answers.

Hi Inky, thank you for your reply.

I do understand what you mean when you put it this way.

I don’t want to control my partner and I want him to do what makes him happy.

But I feel that if you truly want to spend the future with someone and you are already 30 y/o you would try and make an effort to make that happen one day with your partner if you tell her often you want to marry her, she’s the only one, you don’t know what to do without her, etc.

I’ve spoken with him and I know the distance is tough for both of us, but when he also tells me he do not enjoy staying at home because he feel they keep nagging at him and are often negative and want to move, then I would hope he would try to do something to get away. He told me that if his mom would not pay for the ID this upcoming Tuesday if I would then lend him the money to go get one done, which I promised him that I would help him with.

I get that I might come off at the one “Harping” on him, but if he make me promises and say things like he wants to get married and have kids then my expectations for him will just also be that I want him to make an effort for it to one day be possible for us.

– Laika

Thank you Mark, Coconut and Anita for your comments.

He’s going to call them tomorrow and get an appointment to get his ID done and then once he get his ID he’ll start to do something, so I will wait and see what happens and I will trust him with this.

I’ll try and do what you suggested either later or tomorrow since neither one of us is home tonight, thank you Anita.

– Laika

Dear Anita, I saw your post, thank you for posting again to make sure I noticed it!

I do agree with what you said in your post about it being easy to say those words, but at the same time I can’t help but believe in the words he says.

I might also be a bit naive when it comes to what people say or what guys tell me, since I easily believe their words, I’ve been wondering myself if I rushed into this relationship maybe too fast after a breakup, whereas, I’ve never really been alone for that long ever since I was 13-14 y/o, by this I mean that I often fell for someone again shortly after, which mean I never really tried to actually just be “me” I guess and I went through a difficult breakup with “emotional” abuse, where I never felt good enough.

I do want to try the expectation part that you mentioned, I know I really love this man and I do feel that he’s different from my previous relationship.

– Laika