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Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

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  • #55558
    Libby
    Participant

    I have always suffered from anxiety but in the last 6 months it has hit me in a different way and I am finding life pretty tough right now. I am only 34, married with 3 beautiful children, I want so much to feel less anxious and worried about my thoughts for them, so that i can be the happy, content mummy I was before this.

    It all began last Nov/Dec time, I was feeling stressed, I’d had a tough year with agoraphobia and I had to cut my family off as they had hurt me beyond repair, it was a tough year, my Nan had passed the year before, it was all too much. Then the anxiety hit after I read a post online from a woman on an anxiety board that had thoughts of jumping from a bridge or her bedroom window. The thoughts soon became my thoughts. I had never suffered with intrusive thoughts before so I was terrified what was wrong with me. My husband had to work from home, I couldn’t be left alone as I was terrified I’d do one of those things the woman feared. I shook all day, one big long panic attack all day, couldn’t eat…. then in January the thoughts turned to my daughter, I had a horrible thought what if I hurt her, it was terrifying. As an anxious person though I became obsessed by them and couldn’t believe it was just anxiety, it was so frightening. Slowly I weaned off hubby being at home and now I am home all day again, alone with the children during half terms from school, but it all still runs through my mind constantly. I worry does it mean I will hit my kids, or do one of those things to myself. I feel unsafe when I am alone at home, worried will one of those scary thoughts happen. It is like one huge battle with my mind all day long, this fear of losing control consumes me. The anxiety runs around my tired body all day.

    My GP has told me this is all anxiety and OCD type thoughts, yet it doesn’t get easier.

    I am trying to use mindfulness to help, I am very new to it though so, so far I am not noticing any benefits. I am reading the book Finding Peace in a Frantic World, and am doing the 8 week course. I am only onto week 3.

    So that is my story, right now I feel very scared and alone. Worried that my thoughts are weird, that I am sick, that this isn’t anxiety, how could it be. All I want is to find my inner confidence again, feel I can trust myself and be happy again. I love my children so very much, I cry alot that this has happened to me 🙁

    Sorry if I have said too much. I just needed to get it off my chest.

    #55559
    Tinyzebra
    Participant

    Hi Julie, sorry you are going through this it sounds horrible. I myself had a panic attack the other morning, it was singularly the most awful feeling, I thought I was having a heart attack.

    I am no expert, but I did discuss with a friend who is a psychologist specialising in anxiety when that happened to me. she advised me to practice deep breathing (which I’m sure you are doing), getting outside, exercising, all those things. But I think in your situation it sounds like its ruining your day to day existence and in that case I’d think you need to seek more specialist help. All I know is that anxiety IS debilitating, so don’t get stuck going down the road of thinking that you are weird or sick, you are not. anxiety is the body’s natural response to fear, so its important to address the fear and get help to do so. This isn’t you, people struggle with this all the time. And crying is OK too, you are having a hard time, you need to let it out.

    On a short term/practical note can you try to not be home alone so much? go for a walk in the park, sit in a coffee shop, etc? Mindfulness and reading will be a help but it does sound to me like you need a bit more than that just now.

    I hope this is of some help.

    #55563
    Libby
    Participant

    Thank you for replying 🙂

    I have been to my GP, been seeing a psychologist for 3 months now to help with the OCD type thoughts. So I guess there isn’t much more that can be done. I have been told it’s anxiety but still I worry about how I feel, and scared of the thoughts every day.

    I am in a better place than I was 5 months back but still day to day it’s hard.

    Thank you for replying.

    #55565
    bill
    Participant

    The best treatment for this is Cognitiv
    e Behavioral therapy. They might try to have you gradually. rxpose yourself to these thoughts for a prolonged period and guess what? The anxiety peaks and goes away. Without the feat to drive them the thoughts also go away. Fighting the thoughts makes them worse

    #55570
    John
    Participant

    Hi Libby,

    I really feel for your situation because I have been a sufferer of OCD and I know the severe impact that this anxiety disorder can can have on your life. Just know that it CAN get better. While OCD sufferers can have many different types of obsessions, it all basically boils down to the same thing; a fear of uncertainty,the inability to experience anxiety provoking thoughts as thoughts and feelings and feelings and the urge to try to change thoughts and feelings. This is the trap.

    I recommend that you watch all the videos on Mark Freeman’s YouTube channel. It is not until you can get a real understanding of the disorder that you can really start making progress towards recovery. This channel is great for that. I have included the link below to the channel. he has helped myself and many others. I have also included the link to his video which specifically discusses harm OCD, but as I said, the nature of the obsession is quite irrelevant in recovery.

    https://www.youtube.com/user/everybodyhasabrain/videos

    I hope that you can find some help here. My sincere best wishes to you and don’t hesitate to contact me.

    Namaste, John.

    #55602
    Libby
    Participant

    Thank you both.

    I worry so much that my thoughts aren’t normal for anxiety and doubt whether it’s OCD or not.

    I’m having ERP cbt currently which has helped a little but I still worry a lot what if this is more than anxiety.

    I shall watch the link, thank you so much.

    I’ve been told the thoughts aren’t the problem, it’s how I’m reacting to them that is.I appreciate you replying to me.

    #55615
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Everyone

    Hi Libby

    I am sorry for your suffering. Hey, sometimes, doing hypnotherapy with an accredited practitioner (who specialises in PTSD, fears and anxiety) may help as it is often a particular incident, which can cause your body and mind to go into overdrive. There is always energy healing that can do wonders in the right hands.

    Sending you loads of positive energy and may you find the help that you need.

    Jasmine

    #55617
    Bridget17
    Participant

    Hi,
    I was diagnosed with OCD and intrusive thinking by a psychologist. Its actually PURE O. It sounds very similar to what you are describing. I was 24 when I got my first anxiety attack. Then from there my thoughts became dark and intrusive. They were the worst thoughts as if my mind was playing out horror movies at the most inappropriate times. It would show me things that were as if i was possessed by some dark energy. Same thing you mentioned, thoughts of hurting people I loved or very scary thoughts of bad things happening to my loved ones.I was terrified.I thought I was insane. I quit my job which I really enjoyed and started noticing I could not leave my house as easy as before for fear I would pass out while driving or faint at work.
    It took me three months to get help. I was told I should be medicated, but I refused. I felt like there was a deep spiritual shift happening in me. I had gotten married about three months prior to my first anxiety attack. Little did i know I was facing my biggest fear in life. I wanted more then anything to feel like i could be loved and that I would not be abandoned. Unfortunately on a very deep level I had some very deep abandonment issues from my father that completely surfaced and triggered OCD. I have worked on this now for almost 4 years. I have committed myself to learning about who I am and how to find balance again. I am still married and happy. My OCD has become my friend, I know it sounds crazy. At one point it ruled my life. It was as if my mind was all powerful, Its not. Your awareness of the mind is all powerful and where we choose to direct our awareness.You are the indwelling being of this body. You are not the mind. The mind is a computer for the body. It generates thoughts based on what it learned and experienced. You are the witness behind the mind. The one who listens to the thoughts and can react to them if you choose, You can give the mind power by focusing your attantion on the thought and then instiling it with energy or belife. call that awareness what you want a soul, spirit whatever. You are not bad. You are not your thoughts. You are more then that. You are the awareness of the thoughts.Even if they are dark and scary do not judge them because they are just thoughts nothing more. Like clouds that pass by in the sky and you are aware of them. I feel so deeply for you and have so much compassion and empathy because I have experience the terror of intrusive thinking. But my friend there are so many wonderful tools out there to help you learn about your OCD. It can actually become your friend if you can see it not as your enemy, but as your teacher. There is a book that changed my life and helped me deal with this and its called the Untethered Soul by Michel Singer. his book changed my life. Please if you like reading get this book and study it. There is gold to be found in this book. Your mind is simply out of balance. I say simply which may sound insensitive but I know you can find peace within the storm of your mind. I became a hypnotherapist because i wanted to help others who suffer with anxiety and an active stressed mind. I highly recommend hypnotherapy and diet! research healthy eating if you dont already. I know b complex is something to research. and gotu kola.
    Peace and Light to you

    #55618
    Bridget17
    Participant

    #55619
    Maria Fazio
    Participant

    Hi Libby,
    I have gone through what you are describing. I also had horrible thoughts…basically the worst possible thoughts I could think of. When I came across a thought that was bad, I’d have another that was worse until I got to the worst, worst, worst possible thought known to mankind. Scared the sh** out of me. I couldn’t even eat…I’d have to drink lots of water with my food just to get the food to go down. This lasted about two-weeks (with the worst thought)…I couldn’t sleep & was getting pretty delirious. I was in counseling at the time & the talking didn’t help alone. I was prescribed anti-depressants & this saved me. It took about a week until I felt normal again. Once free from that experience I find it relatively easy to not go there again. I am still on anti-depressants & its been several years. I know it is hard to tell anyone the exact thoughts you are having (because of how unacceptable they are to you) and remember…you don’t have to tell anyone specifically what those thoughts are. You are not alone. You will get past this and you will not act out those thoughts.

    #55623
    Libby
    Participant

    Firstly, thank you all for your lovely, kind replies, they mean so much to me.

    Thank you Jasmine, I have actually had some hypnotherapy which has helped. I had a tough childhood and 18 months ago i had a falling out with my brother after he chased me and scared me half to death, he is ill with mental health issues and regrets deeply what he did but I haven’t spoken to him since. I had a tough year last year grieving the loss of my Nan, having serious anxiety issues as I became scared to go out incase I saw my brother, agoraphobia set in and my family sided with my brother because they felt sorry for him and I wouldn’t forgive him so I became a black sheep in the family. This is all ok though as it’s made me a stronger person. I am now at peace with what he did to me, I have a little relationship with my sisters again and my mum but I keep them at arms length so that they can’t hurt me again. They have always been a very volatile family, my friends and husband can’t believe I actually am one of them, I am so different lol! I went through alot but what happened really woke me up, for years people told me to walk away from my family, that their nastiness and arguments caused my anxiety, even my GP said this to me but I ignored his advice. It took a big incident for me to wake up and for that I am thankful, it’s made me change my life. I may have gone through hell with the anxiety, agoraphobia and now OCD but my own family life has been much better since walking away from my destructive family. I now just need to find a way to cope better with my OCD and anxiety and things will get much better. I have lost my confidence and rarely go out alone because of the agoraphobia which is tough and my days can be pretty lonely, I have too much time to think about my condition.

    My thoughts are frightening, about me hurting myself or hitting my children. I see horrible images of me punching my daughter and it terrifies me. Or I get scary thoughts of jumping off bridges, windows, down the stairs…. all very strange, scary thoughts. I told my GP at the end of last year and he suggested medication, I hate medication but I agreed as I felt desperate. I now regret it because I don’t think it helps me other than to sleep, but I don’t feel strong enough right now to go through withdrawal.

    Bridget. Thank you so much, your reply was inspiring. It really helps to know I am not alone in this. I had begun to wonder if I was seriously sick in the head. I am only 34, married for 12 years, 3 beautiful children. I love them more than life and I want nothing more than to be the happy mum they had and not worry like this. I want to be able to take them on holiday, to just do normal things without these thoughts torturing me and confining me to home alot of the time.

    I shall read that book, thank you. What you have said to me really gives me hope. It’s so nice to hear from people who have overcome their anxieties. I so want to feel at peace with my condition.

    Thank you Maria. It’s so hard isn’t it, you feel ashamed and scared to tell anyone your thoughts. Thank you for messaging me, it really does help knowing others have gone through this, not that I like hearing others suffer of course. xx

    #55668
    Bridget17
    Participant

    you are so brave! If you can just know your a spiritual warrior and there are many out there living with this too: ) I also know those thoughts can be so terrible! After my husband and I married I had horrid thoughts that I would stab him.I would burst into tears cause i loved him why would i have these thoughts? I was afraid to hold a knife. I know it sounds awful to someone who doesn’t have intrusive ocd thoughts. But the key is know they are only thoughts. They wont happen. I have found that my ocd is always there but I can call it know for what it is. I also will use humor. When a sick image comes up no mater how awful, perverted dark and distorted i just look at it and even try to make a comedy out of it. Wow my ocd is really creative today. It sort of takes that fear away. But it takes practice.
    Not sure if you have seen the secret? I really liked that movie.
    also meditation. If you can find someone to teach you? or a local place to learn?
    ekart tolle the power of Now also a great read: )

    #55683
    Libby
    Participant

    Thank you Bridget.

    I also became terrified of knives, so much that I made hubby remove them from the house, I was so scared and worried what was going on in my head. I was scared what if I hurt me or the children with them.

    No, but I have been told the Secret is a great film/book I really should check it out.

    I have recently started mindfulness, I am doing a mindfulness course from the book ‘Finding Peace in a Frantic World’.

    I have just bought the book you recommended, I am going to give that a read to see if it helps. I really wish I could get to a better place with this. I am only 5/6 months into it but daily it is a constant cycle. All day I feel anxious, scared of my intrusive thoughts, scared to be alone all day, scared to be alone with the children……. it’s constant. I worry and dwell all day. There is no let up and I wish I could find a way to manage it better. What helped you turn a corner Bridget?

    I appreciate your support. Thank you.

    #55923
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi Libby,

    I pray you find resolution soon!

    Please watch this one song by Meredith Andrews called ‘You’re Not Alone’ – if not anything else, it will give you peace. Here is the youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FXLo3aCkuQ

    GOD Bless !

    #56222
    Libby
    Participant

    Thank you Benz Rabbit. Lovely song 🙂

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