Dear calisister:

At this point I am not suggesting that you quit or that you don’t quit. I am suggesting to look at your fear for a moment, your fear of your parents and your sister.

What consequences do you fear will happen to you if you quit and not attend the rotation?

anita

Dear calisister:

I suggest you separate your financial affairs from your relationship with your parents. That is, the two need to be separate.

Your freedom to live your life without all this unnecessary pain and suffering is your responsibility, your job, to make it happen. Do not compromise that freedom.

The debt to your father, pay it to him later than expected. He can handle it, can’t he, delayed repayment that is?

Again, it is your job to make your life tolerable. Better even, a good life. Don’t compromise this duty you have, your duty to yourself. It is the right thing to do.

As you proceed with your plan to take a leave from the program (something you considered before), you will experience some distress. This is the problem with doing the right thing for yourself… at times it feels like the wrong thing. Got to stick with the right thing through those times, when it feels wrong.

I think it will feel wrong when you forget that what your father thinks, what your mother thinks, even what your sister thinks is way, way less important than what you think is right for you. As a matter of fact, what any of your parents think is an indication of what is wrong for you to do (they have proven their wrongness as far as what is right for you to  do, many times).

anita

Dear calisister:

Double postings again. The last post I see now includes the question: “should I tell them?”- depending on their financial  power over you. If you intend to take another loan from them, or a financial gift, there needs to be an explicit communication about what it means, written down, such as terms of repayment.

anita

Dear calisisterL

You decided to help yourself. This is a good thing. Now, you got to follow through with this intent. It is not going to be easy or smooth. This is key, an expectation of peace of mind will be counter productive, at this point.

Relax best you can. Take a break from thinking.

If you follow through with the intended break you are considering, it will work for you if you keep paying attention through that break, through this time, through the process, and you persist.

It is something you are able to do, at this point, or not. I don’t know. I don’t think you know either. The intent, again, is excellent, the right thing for you to do, a break. The follow through may bring this intent to fruition, or not.

You mentioned a retreat, that may be helpful but healing will require more than a retreat.

Discussing anything with your parents, other than finances, is counter productive for you and will hinder your follow through, maybe even cancel it immediately.

anita

Dear calisister:

A retreat sounds good to me, being around people, there is comfort in it, if they all gather for the purpose of relaxing, with good guidance, absolutely a good idea.

Your intent is excellent, again. Thing is, I cannot reach into your brain and calm it. So as you face the questions and anxiety, your brain is automatically going to the fastest solution of the new distress, doubting your plan to take a break, I imagine.

Be very gentle with yourself at this time. Look in the mirror, look in your eyes: can you do this? If you can’t, maybe later on you will be able to. You don’t have to. I will not be disappointed. I will understand.

Can you do it this time, do you have what it takes, at this time? Maybe you do. That would be so exciting, for me at least, if you do. If you do, it will be you believing that you can survive this healing process, that it will get you to a better place. It is a matter of faith. You need to believe in it so to endure the distress that goes with it.

anita