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Anxiety: The Blur

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  • #211769
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    thank you for your reply. I do not quite understand however. I am in pscyhotherapy. But am I supposed to just live in these locations all alone? While I attend psychotherapy? Wouldn’t it be nice to have the ability to go to my sisters on the weekends? Why is that bad? Should we have no relationship?

     

    it has been quite lonely living away and having almost no friends. It is not something I want to be keep doing. I don’t think it is healthy. So I’m not sure why it would be negative to move closer.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by cali sister.
    #211775
    cali sister
    Participant

    I also would like to add one more thing. The misery of the loneliness. The only thing keeping me sane right now is knowing I will not be as lonely when I move closer. I (not being dramatic) – find it truly impossible to get better if I again move again and feel isolated.

    The solution is psychotherapy. I am doing that. I go once a week now. But getting through each hour of the day is still torture. And doing it all alone is scary. I need to be somewhere where I know I will be able to feel safe. I do not have that across the country.

    #211779
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali sister:

    You are welcome. Upon further thinking, I believe (and it is my belief, for you to consider if you will, evaluate it if you want to) that at this point a closer relationship with your sister is not a good idea, not for her well-being and not for yours. Even though it feels like a good idea, for you.

    I remember that you asked me long ago to not refer you to her thread and not refer her to your thread. I told you that I will not and haven’t. I don’t and will not share with her what I communicate here with you, and will not share with you what I communicate with her. And so, I will not write her that I don’t think it is a good idea that you move closer to her. I will not interfere this way. (If she brings this up, if she initiates the topic, then I will respond to her regarding what she will being up to me).

    And so, I am writing this to you, with my understanding of you and her. It is a bad idea for you and for her that you move closer, that you talk more often, that you spend more time together. Not at this point and not anytime soon.

    You wrote: “I need to be somewhere where I know I will be able to feel safe”. Problem is the lack of safety is a feeling you lived with all your life, with your sister and away. It only felt safe at times. I do believe you need social support, absolutely, just not your sister’s or your parents’.  A support group you can meet regularly would be a good place for you, where people talk and listen respectfully. Maybe other types of groups that socialize, get together for outings.

    anita

     

     

    #211787
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    I go to many social outings etc. I go to the gym regularly, I go to therapy. I write. I see where you are coming from, but I am not sure how to get by feeling this lonely. My sister and I talk every day regardless.

    Writing here has made me feel like I have to feel isolated. Has made me feel even more confused on how to get by.

    #211793
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali sister:

    * A small correction to my last post to you: “I will respond to her regarding what she will bring up to me” not “being up to me”.

    So you feel more isolated and confused by posting here today? Too bad. I wish it wasn’t so. I suppose you won’t post again anytime soon?

    anita

    #211801
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    I feel very alone. So I do not know how being far away and continuing to be alone will in any way help me get better. I agree that my sister and I will not be the healthiest. But moving closer is also where I feel more like myself. Where I live right now, no one is at my wavelength.

    It is not that I will not post. I am not sure why that was stated.

    Cali sister

    #211811
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali sister:

    I asked if you will not post because I thought you expressed that our communication this morning lead to you feeling isolated and confused, feeling worse than you felt before this recent communication with me.

    I remember you shared that were you live currently, it is a tourist attraction of sorts, a place very much in nature, a beautiful place… So you are considering moving to New York, close to NYC, where your sister lives and… where your parents live?

    anita

    #211817
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes. That is my favorite city. Since this topic of moving has made me feel more distressed – and my sister and i already speak very much, I do not think us not speaking will happen any time soon. So would it be okay if we perhaps did not speak of this for now?

    What I really need help with is this current obsession. This is what is disabling my moment to moment distress. I appreciate you seeing that you undersestimated my anxiety. So – then maybe you can understand that this obsession is truly moment to moment. Would we be able to discuss this? I put most of it in the first post.

    Cali sister

    #211819
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali sister:

    It is perfectly fine with me to put the one topic away and attend to your obsession, absolutely.

    Not only do I relate to you feeling as anxious and as often as you do, I can also relate to the obsession itself. I experienced it myself, very similar to what you mentioned. It was excruciating.

    I suppose you want to figure out a way to no longer be obsessed this way? Of course the quickest, easiest way is to have no contact with the object of your obsession, that is the man himself. When not in contact with this or that man, in the past, the obsessing stopped, did it not?

    anita

    #211821
    cali sister
    Participant

    I would like to figure out the root and how to deal with it and make it less and less.

    In response to what you said, I am not in contact with him. I have not been in contact with him. I also blocked all social media so that I can no longer see anything.

    #211825
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali sister:

    I think part of your obsession has to do with that day dreaming we talked about earlier, imagining being popular, having many friends, remember? It is a different kind of day dreaming, but yet, it is a make-believe, day dreaming kind of an experience and so, it is a way of distracting yourself from loneliness, from what is not happening in your life. In that obsession, in that imagining, something is happening.

    Another part to it, I am thinking, is your great desire to feel special, to be Number 1. And that is, of course, very understandable having been a lonely (and still lonely) child, being left alone, as you shared, your parents leaving you alone on their vacations, especially at the time your dog died. Alone in your sadness and grief.

    To be Number 1, to be worthy of being attended to, to be worthy of being chosen, means to not be alone.

    What do you think so far?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by anita.
    #211837
    cali sister
    Participant

    Yes, exactly. I did not even like him – to be honest. I hated many of his qualities. But I became obsessed with being chosen. And then obsessed with her. I am envious of her. That she had a boyfriend that funded her dreams (quite literally), I feel envious that she got to meet his family. I am envious of things that I am assuming and making up.

    I feel so exhausted. I went to a concert recently with two friends. I was silent the entire time. Why? Because I had no energy to speak.

    #211877
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali sister:

    It saddens me that you suffer so much.

    What fuels the obsession is your intense lonely experience as a child (still ongoing), severe emotional neglect, not being attended to, and therefore your intense desire to be attended to. When we lack something severely, our desire is also severe, or intense.

    When I experienced a similar obsession and for a long time, I saw a psychiatrist for that reason and was prescribed Zoloft. SSRIs are often prescribed for OCD symptoms. At the time the obsessive thinking was greatly improved almost immediately, for me. The Zoloft (300-400 mg per day) sort of .. cut off the obsessiveness like a pair of scissors.

    You mentioned taking anti depressants. I wonder if it was or is an SSRI (Zoloft and Luvox are often prescribed for OCD) and if it worked any?

    I also wonder about your psychotherapy. Doesn’t read like it is helping you so far and it has been months. What is happening there?

    anita

    #211923
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    I believe the obsession also comes from assumption. Dan came on very strong and then pulled away. His behavior was very inconsistent. And I then compare and assume that he would never do that to her. And I become more obsessed with her. In reality, this all is probably false.

    My therapy has helped me tremendously in many ways. Not with this obsession as of recent. But 4 months ago, I was ready to quit my job and had lost all sense of hope. Since I started therapy, I have not missed one day of work due to anxiety issues. I am better in many ways but meeting dan was a huge set back. I think that the obsession can only be solved with a lot of work on my end. After therapy sessions I feel better for about 18 hours and then it comes back. I think with practice and time it will stay.

    Drugs are my forte – the knowledge of them I mean. Since I’m a pharmacist. I have seen many patients on Luvox for OCD.

    When I was on an SSRI last year. I felt the same but with no personality. The side effects were bothersome. I think the solution is therapy for the OCD. And I’m not sure my therapist has those specific skills. I will ask her.

    #211929
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali sister:

    I will be away from the computer for some time, don’t know how long. Will read and reply to your recent post when I am back.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 316 through 330 (of 338 total)

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