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Anxious, depressed and confused

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Cate 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #220643

    Cate
    Participant

    Hello all,

    I need help. There was this guy who I was seeing for about 6 months last year. He and I were never officially dating because he told me he wasn’t ready after breaking up with his girlfriend. We were acting like a couple though and this was my first anything relationship-like. It ended very poorly with him sleeping with one of my sorority sister and one of my closest friends. I fell into a very deep depression and found it difficult to cope. He was living with her over winter break and I was home wallowing. When we back to school he showed up at my door drunk and begged to be back in my life as friends and I accepted. He has an alcohol and drug problem and admitted it me that he was a sociopath and didn’t care how his actions affected others. I just missed how comfortable I felt with him. There were hard time were I suspected he was sleeping with more of my friends but I wasn’t sleeping with him anymore so I didn’t have right to call him out. A few days ago he came from out of town and stopped by and took me out to breakfast. Three days later I find out he got into a relationship with a new girl. I feel so worthless that he is able to be in a relationship with someone just not me. He keeps trying to contact me about unrelated things like normal and I don’t feel okay. I don’t want to be in his life wondering why I’m not good enough to be his girlfriend and why this girl is. Do you think he was lying when he said he was a sociopath and if so why? Or is he gonna do the same thing to this new girl? And most importantly I want to know if I should block him. on social media. I don’t want to at all. I want him in my life I just don’t want him to have a girlfriend.

    Thanks all,

    Cate

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  tinybuddha.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Cate.
    #220655

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Cate,

    A guy who ended up sleeping with one of your sorority sister and one of your closest friends, someone leading you in to a deep depression, someone with an alcohol and a drug problem, a self admitted sociopath, someone who makes you feel worthless.

    Being his girlfriend doesn’t seem like a good thing for you given all these things. You are good enough on your own. You not being his girlfriend is not about you, it is his loss.

    Taking a break from whatever relationship you have with him sounds like a good idea. With you feeling that way (“I want him in my life; I just don’t want him to have a girlfriend”), continuing to be friends is likely to do you more harm than good.

    Take care

     

     

    #220657

    Prash
    Participant

    * Re-posted

    Dear Cate,

    A guy who ended up sleeping with one of your sorority sister and one of your closest friends, someone leading you in to a deep depression, someone with an alcohol and a drug problem, a self admitted sociopath, someone who makes you feel worthless.

    Being his girlfriend doesn’t seem like a good thing for you given all these things. You are good enough on your own. You not being his girlfriend is not about you, it is his loss.

    Taking a break from whatever relationship you have with him sounds like a good idea. With you feeling that way (“I want him in my life; I just don’t want him to have a girlfriend”), continuing to be friends is likely to do you more harm than good.

    Take care

    #220659

    Cate
    Participant

    Thank you for responding. I’m sure from a third party it seems very obvious but I needed to hear it just the same.  Thank you for your time.

    #220661

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Cate,

    You are most welcome. Take care of yourself.

    #220677

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Cate,

    Out of all the women at the college/university, he just HAS to sleep with your best friend/sorority sister. Then he proceeds to sleep with everyone you know. Meanwhile, he KNOWS you like him, and so it is (of course) irresistible to this character to hold ONLY you at bay.

    Of course he’s a sociopath! He admits it! And those types are VERY good with people. He has no trouble getting into anyone’s pants.

    Except yours, from now on! Tell him point blank that “It will NEVER happen between us!” whether he admits to those feelings or not. But beware. This is a game to him and his ultimate goal WILL be to sleep with you only AFTER you ADAMANTLY  tell him (in a scoffing way) “You slept with all these friends of mine, so don’t sniff around here, buddy!”

    No, you don’t have to block him on Social Media, but do Hide him if you can so you can’t see his shenanigans.

    Best,

    Inky

    #220695

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cate:

    If you choose to have contact with him, if you do, I suggest you ask him what he meant by stating that he is a sociopath. Ask him to tell you more about it, to elaborate. And then, I suggest you post his answer here. I would like to read it and share my thoughts about his answer with you.

    anita

    #220675

    George
    Participant

    Hello Cate,

    Maybe by changing your perspective towards love might make you feel better. Somehow we have to admit that, dating someone else is a bet in our life, either he or she will be ideal partner or a bad partner. A bad partner will bring more harm than happiness, just like what you have mentioned; depression.

    Obviously, you’re dating a bad partner. This phase of your life will be the time for you to learn “how to let go”. It’s part of our journey, everyone does. You’re not alone.

    Take this lesson as positive force for you to have more visibility in relationship and now you know what makes a ideal partner.

    The next relationship, you must have some prerequisite for it; honest, kind, gentlemen and etc. I know what I am trying to say 🙂

    Cheers,

    George

    #220747

    Cate
    Participant

    Thank you this was a very insightful way of looking at this bad situation.  Thank you so much for this response.

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