Dear Eric:

Altogether you submitted 34 threads under different accounts since July 2019 and one central theme that persisted through all of them is your overthinking/ obsessive thinking. I want to help you today in regard to this central theme.

In 4 days it will be three years from the time you wrote (Sept 9, 2019): “I can’t stop thinking of her, I’m so desperately need help in stop thinking of her…I try to stop thinking of her but… keep thinking of her… I’m still obsessed of her”. On Oct 14, 2019: “I’m trying to help myself to stop thinking of her… I can’t take it. Idk what I should do”. On April 20, 2020: “I’ve been living on thinking about this all day“.

On the same day (April 20, 202o), I wrote to you in regard to your height (which is one of your top obsessions): “you go beyond preferring to be taller, you are obsessing about it”. You responded on the same day: “Dear anita, Do you have any solutions in healing this ‘obsession’?” I then asked you questions about your habit of overthinking and you answered: “I keep thinking about this  (height), and eventually the distraction fails… I keep telling myself not to think about it..(but I) think about height again… I don’t know if this is curable…’height issue’ stuck in my head“. Following your answer, still on the same day (April 20, 2020), I wrote: “Dear Felix: You asked me earlier: ‘Do you have any solutions in healing this ‘obsession”? I don’t. If you saw a competent mental health professional regarding this obsession/ pre-occupation, that would be best for you“.

On April 28, 2020, you wrote: “there’s another problem that I can’t take my mind off, is that she’s the same height as me.. do u think I shouldn’t think this way?.. Should I think this way?”.

On May 10, 2020, I wrote: “Dear Felix: I read much of your previous posts in your other threads starting July 3, 2019 all the way to your most recent thread. These are my comments today: 1. You clearly express a poor self-esteem.. Heavy self-criticism… Hypersensitivity to criticism by others and fear of rejection… Anger.. Shame:.. a touch of Body Dysmorphic Disorder”.

A week later (May 17, 2020), you wrote: “Dear anita, I have read your post and understand your advice and I deeply apologize if I should have reply instead of starting a new thread as I thought it’s about a new different topic so I create it. Below I copy several sentences from the thread i just created”- you politely thanked me for my post but you did not want to think or talk about what I suggested to you. Instead, you wanted to talk about whatever the obsession-of-the-moment was at the time

On May 31, 2020, you wrote: “I just seem to can’t stop thinking of this”, and on July 19, 2020, you wrote: “Please help me solve this matter? I can’t stop thinking about this.. Recently I’ve posted a post of a pic.. Am I thinking too much regarding this posts?”

On July 22, 2020, I wrote: “I highly recommend that every morning (and at other times) you listen to Mark William’s “Mindfulness meditation Listening & Thoughts”. You can find it free online. Part of what he says in this meditation is to observe your thoughts… instead of getting lost in them”. Your reply on July 23, 2020: “Dear anita I’ll try to listen the meditation you recommend. So here I am with another problem…”- you wrote that you will listen to the meditation (but you didn’t) and quickly presenting yet another obsession.

On July 30 2020, I wrote: “Dear Felix: Whenever you ask me questions regarding your obsessions with your height and getting a girlfriend- I will not answer because questions can be answered, but obsessions are never satisfied with answers.” Your response on the same day: “Dear anita I apologize if I still show obsessions regarding height and girlfriend. But, What I mean is that once I get a girl, do u think..?”- Again, you politely apologized and proceeded to present or re-present the obsession-of-the-moment.

On the same day (July 30, 2020), I wrote: “Dear Felix: Here is what I suggest: take your time and read through all of our communication on your various threads… Study our communication, take notes, make comments for yourself about what we talked about. Learn all that you can learn. All that I wrote to you, I wrote repeatedly. There is nothing new that I can tell you and there is no good reason for me to repeat myself yet again when all you have to do is reread what I already wrote to you”- you did not respond to this post.

On Oct 2, 2021, you wrote: “I really need help asap from this overthinking. I desperately need help right now. So yesterday some of my friends posted a pic of our friends reunion. in that pic I look so short.. I’ve ruined myself because of their posts. I can’t stop thinking about it”.

I replied on the same day (Oct 2, 2021): ” Dear Felix: “I understand that it helps you to feel better for a short time when you  type away your frustrations into the computer screen, and it helps you to feel better for a short time when you receive replies that you like. But, although suggestions meant to  help you long-term have been offered to you- you accepted none. The core problems that often make you feel badly remain unchanged ever since your very first thread more than 2 years ago. Earlier, when I communicated with you, I compared your obsessions to itches that need to be scratched. At one point.. I realized that all I was doing when communicating with you was scratching your itches and nothing more… :*You feel itchy and distressed, so you present members with your itch: here is my Girl Itch.. here is my Regret Itch.. here is my Height Itch, etc…  *A member replies, and in doing so, scratching your itch,  * You feel better and you thank the member for.. scratching your itch, * You get itchy again, and present members with another itch…  and on and on… I suggested earlier that you see a medical doctor for medical treatment for your obsessive thinking. There are medications that help a lot of people with obsessive thinking, maybe those can help you too. I can see the use of psychotherapy for you as well.

The day after  (Oct 3, 2021), you replied: “Dear anita, Is the only way are by seeing a medical doctor and psychotherapist? Can’t I solve this by myself? cause I don’t know how my parents will react when they find out I need medications… they might think this issue isn’t a really important issue (just me not having a mature mind)”.

I answered on the same day: “Dear Felix: “Can’t I solve this by myself?“- no, your 25 threads over 2 years are proof. “Is the only way are by seeing a medical doctor and psychotherapist?“- yes, first see a reputable medical doctor for a consultation, I hope that the doctor will next send you to a specialist to be evaluated”.

On Oct 25, 2021, I wrote: “..I suggested that you see a medical doctor or a psychotherapist regarding your OCD (the O in OCD stands for Obsessions: such as about your height and regret over posting photos on social media, and the C stands for Compulsions, one of which is your compulsion to post on the forums here), but seems like you haven’t. This is the only suggestion I have for you”.

You responded the day after (Oct 26, 2021): “Dear anita I’ll consider ur suggestion, and thank you for ur response and advices”.

Five months later (March 30 2022), I wrote to you: “Also, there is an option of psychiatric medications that are prescribed for people who suffer from obsessive thinking, as well as psychotherapy.

More than five months later (Sept 4, 2022), I wrote to you: “Anxiety  is in the core of your obsessive thinking, social anxiety and body dysmorphia. I repeatedly suggested to you over the years to see a medical doctor or a psychotherapist. Did you ever considered seeking professional help (a medical doctor and/or a psychotherapist)…?  Your life can be so different, so much better if you seek and receive professional help!”.

Your reply today (Sept 5, 2022): “I haven’t consulted a professional because my parents might thought that I have a major problem and they could be worried, also other problems I feel that I can solve without professional as long as i can convince my mind… Regarding the girl, the day is getting closer…. In 2 days I’m gonna meet her”- you dismissed my suggestion once again and proceeded to re-present the latest obsession, the obsession of the moment.

On Oct 3, 2021 you rejected my suggestion that you seek professional help because your parents “might think this issue isn’t a really important issue”, and today, you rejected the same suggestion because if you tell them that you need professional help, they will think that you “have a major problem”. On Oct 3, 2021, you asked: “Can’t I solve this by myself?”, and today, you wrote: “I feel that i can solve without professional”.

In summary: as you can see, if you read through this post, the two of us repeated ourselves many, many times through the years of our communication. And the repetition had no positive value to any one of us.

I know that (1) Quality professional intervention will help you short-term and long-term, (2) This issue is too big for you (or for any individual person in your place) to be able to solve by yourself, and (3) All responses to your obsessions-of-the-moment throughout the 3 years provided you with ZERO help: the themes of your obsessions persist unchanged.

Not only responding to your obsessions-of-the-moment is not helping you- it is harming you because it fuels your obsessive thinking, it keeps it going.

Your latest obsession, the mooncake-obsession, seems so BIG and URGENT in your mind… but every obsession seemed big and urgent throughout the history of your obsessions.

I care about you, Eric, and I do wish to help you. My commitment to you today is that I will help you by not harming you: I will no longer put fuel into your obsessions by responding to them. As you post from now on, I will reply (if you would like me to continue and reply, that is), but I will ignore parts of your posts where you present your obsession-of-the-moment. I will need to be strong and resolute in my commitment to proceed this way.

anita

I will add that I do think interacting with this seller of mooncakes is a good step for you. It is very good practice communicating with someone that you are attracted to. Doing so in person, in a structured way, at your leisure. It gives you plenty of time to plan ahead and work around some of the issues that you have been experiencing in unplanned meetings with women. As I said before, you are full of good ideas. Well done!

I think taking this step is worthy of praise. I’m curious what you would like to say to her?

Personally, I am imagining purchasing the mooncake. Thanking her, maybe some small talk about mooncakes or celebration plans. Asking how she is?