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Any tips in how to solve communication problems?

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 121 total)
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  • #401264
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I believe my inferiority only starts when most of my friends are growing way taller than me….. before that period i’m an arrogant person and easily gets jealous of other people’s achievement….

     

    Aside from the inferiority…

    I’m thinking of learning how to draw digitally from skillshare….

    But i need to pay every month….. so i’m in a dilemma if it’s worth it or not…. Because i’m a person who tends to lose interest if it gets tiring and hard…..

    I tried learning how to draw from youtube few months ago….. i even bought myself a digital drawing pad….. but it’s so hard for my brain and eventually i give up……

    It’s because i’m tired of my parents teasing me that i cant earn my own money…. and maybe i thought i can earn something from drawing digitally…..

    But this idea isnt only for earning….. i really wanted to be able to draw since i was a kid, i was always fascinated with animators who can draw an interesting or cool cartoons…..

    What do u think of this idea? Should i go for it?

    #401282
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    I’m a person who tends to lose interest if it gets tiring and hard” – it’s a good thing that you are aware of this. I am praising you right here for being self-aware.

    I really wanted to be able to draw since I was a kid, I was always fascinated with animators who candraw an interesting or cool cartoons” – what we dream of doing as children is not necessarily what we should try to do as adults, for a living. I don’t know of any child who did not want to be superman or someone famous, an actor or dancer, or a football star or what not… something fascinating… such are the fantasies of children.

    I’m thinking of learning how to draw digitally from skill share… I tried learning how to draw from youtube a few months ago… but it’s so hard for my brain and eventually, I give up… What do u think of this idea? Should I go for it?” – I think not because it was so hard for your brain. And because you tend to lose interest when things get tiring and hard.

    I think that you should do something easy, for now. (Maybe later, you will have more of a tolerance for doing things that are difficult to do).

    anita

    #401386
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    it’s a good thing that you are aware of this. I am praising you right here for being self-aware.

    = day by day i’m becoming more and more self-aware, i think it’s due to prevent making the same mistakes.

     

    I think not because it was so hard for your brain. And because you tend to lose interest when things get tiring and hard.

    I think that you should do something easy, for now. (Maybe later, you will have more of a tolerance for doing things that are difficult to do).

    = Tbh i can’t really think of something easy to learn which can make myself feel accomplished/gaining an achievement….

    I really want to cover all my regrets (like my “easy” bachelor degree) by achieving lots of things and also i want to prove to many people that i can do something…. especially to people who underestimates me… (such as my parents)

    I regret that i used to always follow what my parents wanted, like they influenced me to take this degree….. and just help their business…

    And now sometimes they tease me that i cant earn my own money…. like what do they want actually? It’s getting on my nerves…. If i get married later on i’d want to live in a separate house than them… but i dont have my own money now and i dont know what my specialties are, this is why i want to learn drawing… maybe i can earn online….

    If i could turn back time and have this “maturity mindset”, i’d take a degree which is related to drawing abroad and find myself a job there….. then i wont be stressed with this…..

    They even contributed in my anxiety (like giving me this height, their family issues) and i solved it without their help…. I’m always alone…..

    My parents never appreciate me or praise me at all….. and everyday they mostly about my sister’s university plans…. because she’s smart, she’s most likely going to attend a good public university….

    #401433
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    I am sorry that you are tortured with regret, once again, that you regret so much. I know how painful it is to be stuck in regret. And I am sorry that you are “always alone” and that you feel inferior to your sister and to so many others. I wish I could fix it for you!

    anita

    #401496
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Yeah, i guess i need to isolate myself from people for a while again… and try to calm my mind…

    I think it’s not just about the regret, it’s also regarding the “comparison” mindset that i constantly apply in my life… it’s torturing…

    #401499
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric;

    “it’s a torturing” – yes, I know this kind of torture. I was tortured like this for many years. I wish you wouldn’t be tortured like this for as long as I was. I tried to give you many pieces of advice over the years, but none of them helped. All I have left to say is: I wish you didn’t suffer like this. I wish you experienced a peace of mind, a quietude, a hush in your mind and heart.

    anita

    #401501
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I tried to give you many pieces of advice over the years, but none of them helped.

    = Some of them really helped me, and im thankful for it…. I can say that i have a better mindset now than the past years… it’s just that this kind of problems could easily triggered by actions/words from society…. And i need to learn how to adapt with it…

    I also no longer hit my head or scream when i’m frustrated… I can see some positives that i achieved on my mental health…

     

    #401504
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    I am glad to read that you did achieve progress in regard to your mental health, congratulations!

    Because some things I posted to you helped you, you can re-read posts that I submitted for you in your various accounts. In your current account, you can re-read the post I submitted March 30 2022 (thread: Hard to overcome this issue) where I quoted from all your thread and talked about your overthinking, which earlier I referred to as obsessing (having suggested that you see a doctor in regard to a possible OCD diagnosis and treatment).

    I was diagnosed myself with OCD years ago, after suffering from overthinking/ obsessing since I was a child. Fast forward, I no longer suffer from OCD- so I figure that there is hope for you too!

    In that post I mentioned,  I also talked about your feelings of inferiority and suggested that it is possible for you to not like your height (and whatever else you don’t like about yourself) and at the same time, to not to feel inferior!

    It can also help you to read from other people’s threads. For example, you can read from a thread called “I am so scared of being hurt by others I have no one at all” (on the first page of lists of topics, the same page where your thread currently appears). It is written by a 19 year old who like you overthinks and suffers from social anxiety. You can read the post I submitted to her on May 20, page 6. It’s about the “monkey mind” (a term that refers to the overthinking/ obsessing mind), including suggestions on how to calm the monkey mind. It may help you to read it.

    There are other suggestions I made to her in other posts of her threads. You can post in Leaagain’s thread and ask her a question or make a comment. She has always replied politely and graciously to members, so she’s very likely to reply to you the same way.

    You don’t have to suffer endlessly, Eric. Congratulations for the progress you already made, and aim at making more progress. Life in your own head can be much easier and more pleasant than it currently is. It happened for me, it can happen for you!

    anita

    #401952
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello Eric!
    It is very nice to meet you. My name is Lea, and after reading through this thread- I can relate and understand a lot of the things you have been experiencing. Social anxiety, loneliness, insecurity. I am so sorry you have been suffering.
    You deserve to live the life you dream- it is true.  I notice that you’ve mentioned that people  comment on your height- which is something that affects you. I can relate to that. I’m quite tall for a girl and I was always told by bullies that no one would want to be with me because I’m so tall. Just as a disclaimer, I am no expert in mental health or anything- I’m going through life just like everyone else.
    In my thread you asked me ‘would you hear me out?’ I would love to.  If you would like to continue our conversation- I don’t mind if you write in on  my thread, or your thread (this one). Which ever you prefer is great, and I’ll respond to you there.

    Anita mentioned the post she made about the ‘monkey mind’ and I’m not sure if you have read it so I figured I could post what she said- here for your reference. These words are all Anita’s and not mine.

    Anita writes on may 20th in my thread ‘I’m so scared of being hurt by others I have no one at all’:

    “ healthy habits. com/ how to quiet your monkey mind: “Buddha described the human mind as being so busy and overwhelmed, it is as if it had monkeys in it that continued to jump from branch to branch, chattering and screaming”.

    “Each branch and monkey represents a human thought or emotion that is trying to gain the most attention. One monkey that is particularly loud is fear, which tries to take over every other thought in the mind by pinpointing everything that may go wrong. Similar to a monkey swinging through branches, our minds let go of one thought only to grasp onto another, making our thoughts constantly arise and disappear…

    “14 tips for quieting your monkey mind: 1. Understand you can control  your monkey mind… This means you need to stop and take a deep breath… by focusing on your breathing, you allow yourself distance from your anxious thoughts…

    “2. Create an ‘if-then’ plan for times when monkeys start to get the better of you… Nip the triggers in the bud” – meaning, identify the situations and circumstances that trigger your monkey mind, and avoid or change these situations. I would add to it: one thing that triggers the monkey mind is the bully part, so…  best you can, nip this mental bully in the bud!

    “3. Meditate: Just as Buddha said, meditation is the primary way to tame your monkey mind… you can train yourself to meditate anywhere, even if it is just for a few seconds… Just tell your mind to focus on your breath and it will follow your instructions.

    “4. Live in the moment: … living in the moment is all about learning mindfulness… notice your thoughts, notice their triggers and live in the moment… 5… it is important to be aware of your thoughts so that you can match them to your surroundings” – to match your thoughts to your surrounding, means the following in regard to what you shared:

    my head is full of stuff…  I’m thinking about my parents… sister.. pets” – when you are thinking about your parents, sister and pets when you are alone in your room trying to study, your thoughts are not matching your surroundings because your parents, sister and pets are not there in the room with you, and thereforfe, they do not require your attention.

    I’ daydreaming up fake scenarios” – when that happens in the real scenario of you being alone in your room trying to study , your daydreaming does not match your surroundings, so… stick with what is real, here and now.

    Back to the online source: “6. Practice paranayama: This practice of deep, slow  breathing… is one of the best ways to reduce stress in the body.. as deep breathing sends a message to your brain to relax and calm the monkeys….”

    Here is a quote from the website that is very relevant to the issue of bullying yourself, or in other words, fighting against any part of yourself, it reads: “Trying fo fight these monkeys is counter productive… Compassion is in the heart of mindfulness. When the monkeys are being loud, take a compassionate approach to quiet them down and getting back on track…

    “Having a monkey mind is normal- it happens to everyone.The trick is to learn how to quiet down the monkey mind so you can live a more peaceful life. It is important to not let the monkeys take over, but rather to learn how to take control and have them listen to your commands”.

    I look forward to getting to talk/chat with you more Eric. I hope your day is wonderful, sending peace and good energy.

    Sincerely, Lea

     

    #402337
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Yes i usually re-read our previous conversations through my previous accounts every time i’m stuck with the overthinking issue…. I even screenshotted some… so i can read it whenever im not connected to the internet….

    besides yours, I also re-read my previous conversations with other people too, especially my conversation with TeaK…. that person really helped me and i’m really thankful for that…. although idk whether if she’s still active here…..

     

    Regarding ur suggestion for me to talk with Leaagain, i guess she has deactivated her account recently, therefore i can no longer talk to her….

     

    Btw have we ever discussed about relationships topic before? Like about that girl i use to have a crush on for a very long time?

     

     

     

    #402356
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    I am glad that you re-read our communication and the communication you had with TeaK, and that you screenshot some of it.

    Yes, you discussed about the girl you had a crush on for a long time: you shared about her in threads under your first account as Felix. I am aware that you communicated with TeaK for a long time and she was indeed quite dedicated to communicating with you at length, for months! She hasn’t been active here for about 3 months.

    anita

    #402399
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Ahh i see, so she hasn’t been active here for a while…

    Regarding the girl i had a crush on for a long time,

    Do u think it’s pretty dumb if i still have feelings for her, especially when i saw her posting a video of her singing (the song is dedicated to someone that she can’t be together with (i can paste the youtube link here if you’d like to hear the song lyrics 😅… and i’m pretty sure the song is for me (this isnt me being overconfident, but im really really sure its me))

    Idk why she posted that after a year of no contact with me…
    I always feel that she still likes me, but i never thought that she’ll post a video like that…

    Before she posted that video, tbh i still have feelings for her but i can still control it, while trying to find new possible girlfriends…. But after she posted that i became blinded by her again… i cant control it….

    What do u think of this situation?

    This is a separate issue from the “monkey mind” right?

    #402400
    Eric
    Participant

    Well not fully blinded by her (wrong explanation), but it’s like i’m thinking more of her than previously before that video she posted

    #402406
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    “What do u think of this situation? This is a separate issue from the ‘monkey mind’ right?” – yes, I think it’s a separate issue from the monkey-mind. It is an issue of the precious, loving heart of a young person named here Eric!

    anita

     

     

    #402408
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Do u have any suggestions or tips regarding this issue?

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 121 total)

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