*Oops: I forgot to delete what’s underneath “anita”. As you can see I edited all the “i”s in it and cancelled all the extra “…”s- this is what I do every time I read a post from you and before I answer.

anita

Dear Eric:

I will be going out of town in the morning (in about 10 hours from now), and I may not be at the computer for the next two days. I expect to read your recent post and reply no later than 60 hors from now.

anita

Dear Eric:

I will be back to your thread/ the computer in two days (in about 60 hours from now (see my post of an hour ago). Maybe sooner. I hope that you have a calm weekend!

anita

Hi Eric!

I’m glad that you are feeling better.

Those are some great ideas for a conversation.

Any time you find yourself wishing that you talked to someone, could you try imagining having a conversation with them instead? The more detail the better… and please continue to write about it.

You are practising very good self care by going to the gym. I’m glad that you feel safe in the non-judgemental environment there and it is helping with your anxiety.

Exercise is a different skill to relaxing. Yoga, meditation and progressive muscle relaxation can all teach people to relax. I would encourage you to try one or all of them and see which you find helpful.

I think that it is important to note that as with people at the gym, you did reply to the girl. You have difficulties with social anxiety. Every time you speak with anyone is a win, not a mistake.Of course, the goal is to keep improving.

I’m going to disagree with you about hitting yourself. You don’t deserve it and hitting yourself is not going to help you learn. No one deserves to be hit. You deserve in moments of stress, to self-soothe. Perhaps, go to the gym where you feel safe? You deserve to feel safe.

I would encourage you to see a therapist. More than anything else, I believe that this will help you learn to manage your anxiety and develop your communication skills.

Dear Eric:

I am back home. Yes, you are right: it is not fair. None of the circumstances of your birth and childhood are your fault: you chose none of those circumstances, just as I did not choose the circumstances into which I was  born into. None of it is your fault. Which means that you are NOT GUITY. You are quite an innocent, good young man.

I will write more Mon morning (in about 9 hours from now).

anita

Dear Eric:

I will answer your recent posts in my old way (quoting you and commenting), but with my new attitude since Aug 12, the new attitude is that I feel affection (a liking) for you as a person. When one likes another person, one is less likely to judge and jump to conclusions, and more likely to listen with an open mind, looking at different angles, not just one, understanding better.

“I’m trying to accept the conditions of my life…  my short appearance and looks… I’m trying to accept this body even though I don’t like it (like a harsh reality)… I didn’t cause my dad’s family to be that messy which results in… me having no cousins… And it’s not even my fault. The same goes with my height and appearance. I didn’t ask for it. But then I was born in this world, and have to live in it. So terrible, I hate it. I have no choice but to live and try to be happy with these given circumstances. I’ll always have this deep hatred towards this world, always“-

-I think that I understand: you hate that you were born into this family, having this body, and never having had any CHOICE in these matters. How can it possibly be fair to be STUCK in what you NEVER CHOSE!?! (I feel angry typing this!).

You’ve been so lonely in your family and you’ve been suffering so much emotional pain because of the appearance of your body, and yet, you had no CHOICE on the matter. It really is unfair!

“At the gym there are lots of people (even if the people who went to the gym every day are the same ones mostly), and people there talk to each other while working out. I love seeing people in my surroundings talk to each other even if I don’t talk. It creates a happy atmosphere in me… Do u think this might be because I felt too lonely at my house?“- yes, I do. Seeing the same people and Hearing the same people talk in the gym, same voices, same stories…  feels like Family. The gym is a substitute family for you. I have no doubt that your real family is and has been very unaffectionate: nothing much that is pleasant is happening: neither between you parents, nor between your parents and you.

The GAP between the lonely family that you have, and the affectionate, interactive family that you needed for so long  (and never had) is HUGE. And… there is nothing you can do about it: you can’t change your family history (what happened) and you can’t change your parents’ personalities.

“My job right now is only helping my parents… All I do in my free time is only watching movies or tv shows” – you are lonely when you are with your parents, working, and you are lonely when you are not working.

“I prefer going to the gym because I didn’t have to think much while working out“- When a person is lonely, no one to talk to, a person ends up talking a lot … to himself: talking quietly, aka thinking.

If you had interesting and/ or affectionate interactions with people, you’d get to hear yourself talk out loud to other people- that will you feel alive- a very different from the lifeless experience of thinking and thinking… and thinking aka overthinking.

“Sometimes I also feel less lonely when I’m talking here, like I feel there are people who appreciate my existence, and I’m thankful for that“- you are welcome. And I am thankful now that you are here, part of this online family. Although online, the person typing these words (I) and the person reading these words (you) are real people who are engaged in a real, honest communication.

“Do u think I need to make myself more interesting?“- personally, I think that you are interesting enough just as you are. Your thoughts are interesting, your feelings are interesting, your life story is interesting.

I didn’t respond to everything you posted recently, but this here is enough for one post.

anita