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behaving stupid?

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  • #52447
    buddha123
    Participant

    after almost 2 years, I contacted my ex.. said just hi through email. he replied immediately.. . asked him if he can give his ph num..will talk to him.. he dint give it. I know its stupid to contact..but was feeling restless and somehow..was thinking abt him..so just contacted.. In between last yr… he tried to contact me over email but I wasnt ready to talk … I dnt yearn for him now but just wanted to speak..

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by buddha123.
    #52455
    Will
    Participant

    This isn’t stupid. He’s a human being you once were close to. It sounds like he doesn’t want to talk on the phone, though, so don’t obsess over it. Maybe you two could talk or even be friends of some sort, maybe not. Just don’t get hung up over it, or guilt trip yourself for getting in touch. Nothing is wrong here. Chill. Be open to whatever happens.

    #52458
    Chad
    Participant

    You arent stupid! Its not uncommon after some years pass and people have an opportunity to put space between a situation they will attempt to reach out to build some mutual ground and maybe finally get some closure. You both say you’re sorry’s and attempt to keep in touch. As will said this person was a big part of your life for some segment of it. I dont understand people who just completly cut out their ex’s all together. This usually says more about them, their inability to let go, get over it, and not hold grudges. Im not sure how the relationship ended. What it seems you’re going through here is another case of unrealized expectations. You put yourself out there expecting XYZ result. He didnt give it to you, now you’re upset and feel silly. Hey girl! let me tell you, you did what you felt whatever it was you needed to by reaching out, and thats great. You cant control how he will react to it. Nor can you assume to know whats going through his mind or his reasons for not wanting to give a # out. My advice is if you really want to re-connect in a plutonic way with this person. Let that be your only expectation, and be happy and open to whatever it is he is willing to give you in return. Also communication is important, always. Have you told him why you didnt reply in the past? have you told him why its important to you now to keep in touch? This may serve to clear up any assumption he is making as to why all of a sudden he is hearing from you, when his attempts in the past went unanswered.

    #52534
    Hyo
    Participant

    I very much agree with Chad’s and Will’s sentiments.

    I did want to add to Chad however to perhaps see from the eyes of those who have cut out exes. Some exes may not be beneficial to keep in one’s life. You are right that it does reveal a lot about the person who does cut them out, but it may not be saying that they hold grudges or can’t let go, it may be saying “I deserve better”. I say this as I used to think I would always be in touch with those who have had meaning in my life until I met my now ex fiance. After the verbal and physical abuse I said “I deserve better” and while it was hard to leave someone who meant so much to me, it was ultimately the healthiest decision I made and I have no plans to make contact with him now or in the future.

    #52576
    Kelly
    Participant

    I agree, Hyo. A sharp knife cuts cleanest. In my case, I’ve generally felt it’s important to put significant distance between me and my exes (in most cases, no contact at all). I have reconnected after several years with an old flame and we are now friends, but it’s an exception for me. I don’t think it’s fair to judge anyone for the way they choose to end a relationship and heal.

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