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Being Positive and Genuine

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  • #393095
    Brian
    Participant

    I’ve noticed that many actions that are considered positive come off has fake. In the USA there are a lot of polite greetings and conversations people make that are considered positive. Most of the time, it does not come off as genuine at all. People don’t want to be labeled as negative and will recite these pre-programmed social nicety phrases. Many of these positive people do not want to say no to people or say they do not like something. I’d rather have these people not talk to me at all than act like a robot. How do you avoid this? How do you give a good impression without appearing disingenuous?

    • This topic was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by Brian.
    #393099
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Brian!

    I would say that a caring person probably practices similar social cues. The difference being that they actually care.

    Some people are happy to listen to others and see small talk as a way to connect. You do learn a lot about people by listening to how they are feeling, what is happening in their lives and what they enjoy.

    I would suggest that consistency is key. Obviously, sometimes people are going to be busy, or have other things on their mind. But if someone frequently listens with interest and  encourages further conversation by asking relevant questions, I would suggest they genuinely care. No one is forced to interact to others. It’s relatively easy to refuse to participate in small talk or interact in a very limited way.

    Retaining information is another way to show you care. Small talk might be quite a short conversation but if you remember details from previous conversations; events, names etc it shows interest. For example, “How was X’s party?”.

    I would add that social interaction has many nuances depending upon the type and quality of relationship people share. Often, people are more comfortable sharing innermost thoughts with friends and family. Whereas it might be inappropriate sharing private thoughts with co-workers unless the relationship is particularly close or they share similar values.

    #393103
    Brian
    Participant

    Maybe the difference is that I mostly interact with workers at stores and they usually are told to socialize to create a pleasant environment. I don’t see my real friends in person very often. It can be frustrating meeting new people because often the conversations start with the stock questions that many people ask. Not everyone wants to talk about their job or their family.

    #393109
    Helcat
    Participant

    I’m sorry that you don’t see your friends in person very often. Is there a reason you don’t get to see them as much as you’d like?

    A hobby group might be a good place to meet new people. At least you would all have a common interest. Perhaps it would be easier to discuss that, as opposed to more challenging topics?

    #393200
    Brian
    Participant

    I see one friend once a week and another once a month. They have responsibilities and do not have the time. I have been to meetup groups in the past, but most people start with the stock questions.

    #393250
    Helcat
    Participant

    Unfortunately, this is the way of things when meeting new people as we figure out compatible we are with others. Good luck on your journey of meeting some new friends. The more you get to know people, they do tend to open up. Give it time and patience.

    #397186
    Zoe
    Participant

    Real friends MAKE time.

    We are all on different levels in life, so sometimes it is very difficult to find someone who is on our level to gel with, and if they aren’t on our level, we can find them boring.

    Over they past 6 years I have changed so much, that people I use to gel with, no longer interest me, as I have moved onto different thought patterns, so we no longer have much in common anymore.

    Trying to find those who *get us* isn’t always easy, so we need to look within to see how we can support ourselves at this trying time… and eventually we find new ways to keep our life and mind in a happier place, and then become out own best friend.

    #397552
    Roberta
    Participant

    Hi Brian

    Instead of the stock phrases ( social niceties) what would you use as an “icebreaker”?

    I remember going to a store ( I was on holiday in the USA) and my purchases were all medicinal I had a chest infection my husband heat issues and my children chicken pox and to be told “have a nice day” was incongruous!

    Smiling and eye contact and an easy open body stance send the right signals to the other person along with a compliment or observation that shows that you have actually seen them as an individual.

    We can have many pleasant interacts throughout the day and just enjoy that fleeting moment of connection

    #410103
    Brian
    Participant

    Finding meaningful work is something I struggle with. It’s a very uncomfortable topic that I dread. One reason I don’t like new interactions is because people usually ask about work right away. What I would say to initiate would depend on the person and what information they may have.

    #410723
    Roberta
    Participant

    Hi Brian

    All beings want to be free from suffering and wish to be happy.  Remember this and look upon your fellow human beings with kind eyes, a smile upon your lips & an open heart & try to find  something nice to say, that way each and every interaction you have no matter how small will add to the general wellbeing of all as well as yourself . The more seeds of friendship that one  scatters without concern whether they bear fruit immediately the lighter & brighter the world becomes

    Best wishes

    Roberta

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