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Big fight with a sibling last night

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 6 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #131217

    seek
    Participant

    Emotional pain how it makes us feel numb from the inside out

    Today I fought a loved one. One of my own blood. I was hurt by the loved ones comparisons of me my sibling and others. The individual would compare myself, my sibling and others as to how we don’t deserve what we make in life. The pure greed that came out of the individuals mouth was heart pounding and pure disgusting.

    I couldn’t stop but listen as the loved one went on to mom about how hard one had worked to make it in life. Supposedly all the sacrifices one had made. But you see this is where they were wrong just because others don’t talk or bring up their struggles doesn’t mean they haven’t fought their own battles. Some of us take it all in to keep the peace and positivity. This way there’s hope for others around them. I understand we all must talk and vent but enough was enough.

    After a couple of poundings I heard down stairs. I came running down as I had enough of it. I decided to confront the loved one and tell them that they better have not broken anything as a sign to respect the house we both share.

    The issue escalated quickly from the loved one. Stating to me to shut up and get out before I would get my bones broken etc. These threats were made but I know they were all said out of deep anger and hatred. This wasn’t them, therefore the way I acted I tried to be cool but I did say in a loud voice to stop it! cause this isn’t the only individual that owns the house. As I’m the owner as well so please have respect. Therefore I told the individual to stop! The loved one/individual went on to say how I was crap and stupid. Stating things like my dad got me the job etc. This has absolutely had nothing to do with him making money even if my dad got me the job or not. The rest of the way I had to choose my own path and that’s where I grew. I have choices and till this day I make bad choices at times. But I’m always willing to learn from my mistakes. This is key in life always learn from your mistakes by analyzing your self and what you did wrong or could have done differently.

    Once the loved one/individual started getting on me by talking trash and saying how they were going to beat me. I came closer and stated I would never ever raise my hands at you and yet here you are raged and ready to strike. I said love yourself before you strike as I’m telling you this for your own good. I instantly saw a change in his eyes emotions. Those words I realized cracked him inside stopping the rage instantly. Guilt and nothing but guilt appeared. Because instead of violence I came with love. Cause this is what was needed for them. Nothing but love.

    There was so much heated rage and no love and appreciation for what they had. No love for life and what they already had around them. This is what made the loved one rich and the individual/loved one was yet so blind to see. Even though the loved one has family, love, care, kindness, and laughter. While the individual was raged like a wild beast always locking himself in his room thinking of negative thoughts. Not surrounding them with positive attitude or having gratitude.

    After this all this I absorbed some of their negativity during the conflict. The emotional pain and hurt I felt which I hope I cured from their body and mind. I felt numb emotionally and physically. The negative energy was so strong the waves managed to get to me. I myself was getting raged and angered. But I took sometime to cool down and relax. I still feel the pain as if it was literally poking at my heart. I know it will pass cause I love myself and all others around me. Including the one who has passed the pain to me.

    I want nothing but happiness and gratitude for all. The world has become a materialistic and full of self greed. After this I ask you all to stay united and show love. Cause love is stronger than hate. Love will strike the hearts of those who are filled with anger, as they are vulnerable enough to feel loved. Let love be the surprise to others for it will follow.

    I hope this helps anyone overcome conflict by giving nothing but love in return.

    seekinglifeandadventure.blogspot.com

    • This topic was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  seek.
    #131883

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi seek,

    From a purely practical perspective, I would find my own living space and create healthy boundaries in regards to seeing your sibling. What he was raging about was probably old unhealthy family dynamics and patterns. “When we fight about the dishes, it’s never about the dishes” kind of thing.

    Stay safe,

    Inky

    #131895

    anita
    Participant

    Dear seek:

    Learning from your previous threads, you are promoting some ideas, as well as your personal blog. When given input, you did not respond. Yet, here it is again (if you don’t consider it, maybe someone else reading it, will consider it):

    You described a dynamic you have with a male family member living with you. You refer to this family member as a “loved one”- and yet, his behavior toward you is repeatedly aggressive and abusive. I suggest that the term LOVE should not be applied to that individual, as his behavior is not loving.

    Then you described him about to beat you up, and that you responded by telling him that you “would never ever raise my hands at you and yet here you are raged and ready to strike. I said love yourself before you strike as I’m telling you this for your own good.” – if your goal is to protect yourself from aggression, you have to eliminate the source of aggression in your life. Since it is your home, as I understand it, you can evict this aggressive man.

    But you chose to do something else, tell him you will never protect yourself “(“I would never ever raise my hands at you”). You have let him know that SELF DEFENSE is not something you will be doing with him.

    His response: “Those words I realized cracked him inside stopping the rage instantly. Guilt and nothing but guilt appeared. Because instead of violence I came with love. Cause this is what was needed for them. Nothing but love.”- you may have misunderstood. Maybe what he realized was that if he does beat you up, he may kill you (because you will not defend yourself), and if he does he will not only lose a place to live, but find a different place to live- prison.

    Your conclusion, the idea you are promoting: “Love will strike the hearts of those who are filled with anger, as they are vulnerable enough to feel loved. Let love be the surprise to others for it will follow.
    I hope this helps anyone overcome conflict by giving nothing but love in return.”- depending on the context, the circumstances. In your case, he didn’t beat you up THIS time. But he still lives with you, sharing the same residence. Next time- what happens next time when he is a bit angrier?

    Remove the aggressor in your life. When attacked, defend yourself. Your conclusion that responding passively with love is the answer to aggression is incorrect: Young children everywhere are loving of their parents, and passive in face of the parents’ aggression, and yet, often enough, parents respond with aggression and abuse.

    anita

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