Hi Helcat,

I’ll quote a passage from a book I’ve been working on, well, for a couple of years now. I would like to leave it to my daughter and granddaughter.

“All in all – I am the ephemeral seeking the eternal.

He chases after enlightenment like a man dying of thirst chases a mirage. After 30 years the fire still burns brightly. Not every day brought a new promise, but he knew that the next one was just around the corner, and for a short time he would have hope; hope that this time he would discover the path to the great Satori, the all encompassing understanding that would allow him to carry on in his remaining days, no longer afraid of suffering and death, sure that when death came he would face it with acceptance and peace; regardless of whether Macbeth’s declaration about life is true or not. But, not today; today, yesterday’s hopes had faded to disappointment.  Sure, he had had many satoris; but the great one still eluded him.”

When I look back on my life, it seems like a steady stream of obsessions, all sharing the same end, of becoming eternal, as crazy as it sounds. I sometimes do things for a long time, before realizing why I’m REALLY doing them; but this one was a shocker.

… john

Hi Anita,

Yes, I think we can, make it a better place, or at the very least not make it worse.  I once said to one of my teachers, ‘I can not end the wars, I can not end starvation, the suffering will go on no matter what I do; so why try.’ And she said, ‘No, you can’t end the terrible things that men inflict on each other; but you can do a little, and that’s worth doing.’ Of course she was right. After that, I began to feel that I can be like the heavy water in a nuclear reactor; maybe not stopping the madness, but at least slowing it down.”

…… john

Hi Helcat,

It’s not really a character in my book, just me musing. I suspect that I fear the fear, more than I fear death itself. As the old expression goes, we have nothing to fear but fear itself. I firmly believe this.  I also think that knowing that you’re not afraid of dying is a great great thing, a very very freeing thing. I’ve read that the fear of death is the fear the ego has of disappearing, and that the animals, other than us, do not have this fear. It sounds reasonable; but, obviously, I have no idea if it’s true. I think you’re a very mature lady. And you now have a friend in their 80’s.

….. john

Hi John

That is very kind of you to say! It would be an honour to call you a friend.

I suspected that it was kind of like an autobiography but I didn’t want to assume. I’m sure that the book is great! 😊

I feel like fear is human nature. It can be a warning. But sometimes the system misfires.

I wouldn’t say that I’m not afraid of pain and dying. Sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not. I can cope with quite a bit of pain, but I do become afraid of it at a certain point. And whilst I found peace in one experience, the other I didn’t. What is the difference? One I was alone, one I was scared and didn’t know what was happening, one I was past my limit in pain, one I wasn’t ready to let go. I think that fear in this circumstance is natural.

Hmm your goal reminds me of my own cross to bear. 😂 My goal is to overcome an intrusive thought. Then I will feel like my healing is complete. What if this is an intrusive thought for you too? It is very much like pushing a stone up a hill. My determination to overcome it causes the fear of it.

You are already very wise and have learned many things. What if you are already complete? What if you have already succeeded and all you have to do is stop trying to overcome and just be?

I feel like animals are afraid of pain and dying. Perhaps not all animals, but those that are emotionally complex enough to do so. My dog almost died recently and during a check up he was afraid of the vet that treat him when he was in the hospital. I suspect that he remembers the experience and the emotions he felt. He also suffers from doggy racism after being attacked by specific breeds. Yellow golden retrievers and German shepherds stay away! 😂

The way that I see things is that genetics, memories and actions of a person last past their lifetime. I have never met my husband’s father who passed away but our son reminds him of him. The memories of his father are present in his thoughts and character and he will pass these onto our son.

I was watching a tv show and it had some themes that I found interesting. Love and hate being two sides of the same coin. Humanity being self destructive fighting itself. It supposed that choice is the problem but I disagree. It reminded me of Buddhism. The middle way. People can do bad things out of love and good things out of hatred or even in spite of it. Perhaps the answer is simply practicing restraint and trying our best. It is all that we can hope to do as we don’t see the future, we never really know how something will turn out.

Sorry for rambling. I really enjoy talking with you! I’d love to hear more of your thoughts and learn from you. You have honestly helped me more than you know. 😊

Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏

Dear Shinnen/ John: I don’t know how I missed your posts addressed to me on this thread until just now. I will read and reply tomorrow.

anita

Dear Peter:

I didn’t notice the post you addressed to me the day before yesterday until this Sun morning.

You responded to “the Eternal encompasses all, even the parts we struggle to understand or accept.. doesn’t it?”  with your usual witty humor, which I enjoy: I believe it does. It’s a work, not to work, in progress. 🙂”-

– I like your clever play on words! Indeed, embracing the Eternal is work-no work in progress. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful insight and the smile.

“Its disconcerting when (the realities of) those close to you are so different from yours. I image them saying the same about my reality.. Another post talked about disappointment and asking advice on when to speak and when to stay silent.  I think behind that is this need to be seen and heard, which the current happenings have made even more difficult and likely behind me being just ok and not feeling myself“-

– I want to thoroughly process what you expressed here: you are feeling unsettled by how the realities of those close to you are so different from your own. This highlights a sense of disconnection and difficulty in finding common ground. You imagine that others might feel the same way about your reality. This shows an awareness of mutual misunderstanding and the complexity of human interactions.

Behind the struggle to decide when to speak up and when to stay silent, you identify a fundamental human need, which is to be seen and heard.  This highlights the importance of validation (which involves affirming that what a person feels or thinks is important and reasonable), and recognition (which involves giving credit, praise, or appreciation for someone’s efforts, contributions, or characteristics) in human relationships.

You note that current happenings have made it even more difficult to feel understood and connected. This suggests that external factors, possibly related to broader social/ political or global events, are exacerbating feelings of isolation and disconnection, and that these challenges are likely behind your feeling of being “just okay” and not feeling entirely yourself. This indicates an emotional toll and a longing for deeper connection and understanding.

I can understand, Peter,  how difficult, even tormenting, it can be when the realities of those close to you differ so much from your own: I grew up in this kind of situation where my mother’s reality was that I was a bad girl who needed to be punished, while my reality (an objectively true reality) was that I was a loving girl who needed to be loved. Of course, my most fundamental human need to be seen and heard as I was, was severely unmet.

The need to be seen and heard is such a fundamental part of our human experience, and current political circumstances (recent US elections, for one) amplify those feelings of disconnection and disorientation for many. In regard to politics, when I talk to people with a very different reality, I emphasize what we do agree about, the portions of our realities that we do share. (Although, I need to stop trying too hard to be liked in real-life, so hard that I compromise my authenticity).

Your insight into the balance between speaking up and staying silent is spot on. Navigating when to share and when to hold back can be tough, especially when you’re trying to honor both your own needs and the dynamics of your relationships.

It’s important to take care of yourself and find ways to reconnect with what makes you feel truly like yourself. Whether it’s through personal reflection, creative expression, or finding moments of genuine connection with those who do understand and appreciate your reality.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reflections. You are welcome to share more specifically about the nature of the disconnection, if you feel comfortable about doing so, here, in a new thread, or in another digital platform, and you will find people with larger portions of the same, or very close to the same reality as yours.

anita

Hi John

I’m sorry for the delay in replying. It is just hard for me to think at the moment and your posts are thought provoking. I want to respond to you with the attention and focus that you deserve because I really enjoy our conversations.

I’m sure that your collection of random thoughts is more valuable than you realise. A dry read is not a bad thing. Some of my favourite books other people have considered dry.

Personally, I think that it is important for people to share their thoughts, their memories, their valuable knowledge that they have learned throughout their lives. I have always wanted to write a book with a collection of whatever people wished to share about themselves.

That is a very important skill to view thoughts with a pinch of salt. I’m glad to hear that you don’t have many intrusive thoughts. Being a chemist must have been fascinating!

I respect your humility. I don’t mean to suggest that you have attained buddhahood, just that you are perfectly imperfect and there is nothing wrong with that. 😊

I don’t think that it is the same for all animals. There are specific animals that are known to be more intelligent for example there are some that are capable of grieving (elephants, dogs and dolphins for example). A large dog is known to be as intelligent as a 4 year old. I don’t believe that even the ones that do have the awareness ruminate to the extent that we do. They tend to react to their immediate circumstances and triggers for memories. Then again there are plenty of animals who don’t have that level of awareness.

That is a good question about freedom to choose. Personally, I believe that fate plays a role in our lives. But we do also have some freedom to choose. It is challenging because I feel that people often run on autopilot until something expands their awareness and causes them to consider their actions and choices. Regarding choices there is usually something that people tend to lean towards due to their personality. The trick is sometimes that making decisions can be hard and that it should not be done on impulse and it should be done calmly because I find that bad decisions can be made under stress. What do you think about your question?

Thank you for sharing what Buddha told his disciples on his deathbed. I hadn’t heard that before. I can certainly understand it. But personally I like to learn from others experiences. I believe that it is faster and can save me a lot of time and suffering. Although you are right, some things are harder to accept than others. Trust, but verify. It is helpful to have a pointer to go in the right direction. Sometimes even with that pointer, even with help it can still take a long time to get there.

That is fascinating to learn that these texts were written hundreds of years later.

Thank you for sharing and as always, I’m eager to hear your thoughts! You take care as well. ❤️

Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏