Hi John

Haha thank you! That is a compliment coming from you. 😊

It is amazing to hear that you got to live your childhood dream. Well done on making that happen.

Your love for chemistry reminds me of my high school chemistry teacher. He was amazing. He had such enthusiasm and knew how to get us all excited about it by showing us interesting things like how to make a custard bomb and plating coins using electrolysis.

Of course, it would be okay for you to use it. 😊

I don’t think it sounds fatalistic, I actually agree with you.

I believe that lack of imagination is a significant problem when it comes to decision making. Often to achieve something, first people have to believe that it is even possible. People often suffer from limiting beliefs about their own possibilities and need help expanding their minds to consider other possibilities.

Haha I’m glad to hear that your two minds are getting on so far… 😂

That is a very wise perspective to look inside yourself and realise when there is something missing.

I was drawn to Buddhism because I exhausted what psychology can accomplish. I have always enjoyed ancient eastern philosophy and I was curious if any insights might be found.

It is fascinating that Buddhism is an oral history and with all of the cultures it spread to there are variations.

Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏

Hi John

Thank you for sharing another part of your life story. I truly find it inspirational!

I think that it is beautiful that you can honestly reflect on your strengths and weaknesses without judging yourself. This is a rare gift!

I no longer feel like my dream to heal from trauma is as unachievable now. Perseverance and being gentle with myself may be key. Some things are worth the journey of a lifetime. 😊

I would like to help others to heal too. But I am not able to because it triggers my own trauma at the moment. Though, there may be more round about ways of helping people to heal.

It sounds like the naysayers lacked imagination. I’m glad that you weren’t put off by their pessimism and fought hard to achieve your dreams. It is wonderful to hear that someone gave you the chance you deserved and you grasped that opportunity and made a beautiful life out of it.

I’m wondering if you have any tips for persevering? Or not judging yourself? What made you want to fight for your dreams?

I’m sorry to hear that your chemistry teacher passed away before you could thank them. They sound like a very special person to have inspired you so much! I’m sure that they would be proud as you have manifested your own inspirational chemistry teacher energy yourself. ❤️

That is fascinating to hear that women have genes which enhance their imaginations. Perhaps the broadcast could be emailed? I’d be keen to hear it.

tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

It does sound to me like both facets of Buddhism are equally important. To help the community, as well as to work on oneself. Like you, I value both traits. 😊

Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏

Hi Peter,
It seems that you’ve delved into these issues quite deeply. You’re obviously a very spiritual person.
… john

Hi Helcat,
I do know my strengths and weakness, for the most part. I try to change the ones I think are harmful; but I never deny their existence.
That’s good, that you see a path to healing. I rarely try to help others; not for the same reason as you; but because I don’t normally relate to their situations, except in the sense that we all suffer. I have scanned the forum to find people/situations where I might say something relative to what they’re enduring; but usually come up empty; and proffering banal platitudes is just insulting, to someone in pain.
Yes, I’m rarely put off by naysayers and pessimists. Tips for persevering? I’m afraid I have none. I was raised by a mother who’s motto was, “Giving up is NOT an option.”, reinforced by whatever successes resulted from that brainwashing.
“not judging yourself” is not exactly what I do. I was trained by the monks to impartially observe my thoughts and feelings, regardless of how ugly or beautiful, they might be; to keep them at arms length, and not take them to seriously. After all, they’re only bad, or good, when you act on, or embrace them. I’m often reminded of Brutus’ words in King Lear, “they pass by me as the idle wind, which I respect not.” Having said that, this practice will be too detached/distasteful for most people to live by. They love their emotions. Take it from me though, it has not made me an insensitive, feelingless automaton. I feel deeply and passionately about some things, just not everything.
….. john

Hi John

I’m sorry I didn’t notice your message until today. I also found your email, it had accidentally gone to my junk folder. I will write back to you as soon as I have finished listening to the broadcast. Thank you for sending it, it was very kind of you.

How are you doing?

Changing the harmful and not denying the existence of weakness sounds very wise to me.

That is honestly fair. The way I think of it is that there are many ways to help people. Every job in the world is some form of helping. I’m sure that you have helped people in a lot of ways that you might not even realize. You certainly have helped me. 😊 You never know when something might be helpful, because people have memories. Something that might not seem helpful at the time can become very helpful later on.

I used to believe that individual pain was unique, but I don’t feel that way anymore. Perspectives on pain differ though, and I believe that changing the perspective can be helpful. To the individual, the worst thing that they have experienced, is always the worst thing that they have experienced.

I feel like my worst days are far behind me. Because I have experienced a lot of pain in my life and had a lot of therapy, I feel like the past provides a measure of perspective when I experience difficulties in my life.

“Giving up is NOT an option.” I like that! I’m glad that your mother was able to pass on that valuable lesson.

I would say that I view my emotions as a habit or an addiction to overcome.

That makes sense to me! Haha I would never consider you an emotionless robot.

Thank you so much for your advise today! I will do my best to practice and learn from it. 🙏

Love, peace and blessings! ❤️🙏

Hi John

I’m glad to hear that you’re fine and sorry to hear that you regret your previous message. I can understand why you do because you care deeply about not causing others to feel pain. I don’t believe that you had any ill intent.

I think that it might be hard for some people to practice stepping back from emotions regardless of intent, depending on their emotional regulation skills. I know that in the past, I would not have been able to do it because those skills would not be strong enough. I would potentially have felt defeated in trying then. Fortunately, this advise has come at the right time for me.

I suppose that this is why monks might train people that come to learn from them, as opposed to teaching on the street. And also why therapists only treat people who are ready for change.

If you like, we could continue our conversation by email? I appreciate that we have gone way off topic from the original intention of this thread as well. I appreciate Peter for being a gracious host! 🙏

Perspectives on pain differing. Hmm well I think that goes back to perseverance. Developing emotional resilience and a positive outlook. I think that belief is a very important step for change.

For example, as a child I trusted that a professional adult might be able to help me with my difficulties. I wanted to be different from my mother, I wanted to undo her teaching but I had no clue how to achieve this. I just wanted to try. I knew that I needed help and couldn’t do it on my own.

At the time, to me my pain separated me from others because I felt like they didn’t understand what I had been through. I lived through immense suffering to protect my brother.

But as an adult, I see that everyone suffers albeit in different ways. I no longer see my situation as unique and separate, just a different presentation of the same thing that everyone else is going through. Ups and downs in life.

Back when I was in the most pain as I hit adulthood due to my trauma compounding and not having the skills to cope. I didn’t see a way through it on my own, but I didn’t want to cause my adopted family pain. So once again I sought help to try to find a way through it. It took a lot for me to develop trust in the skill of the psychologist to be open to the experience. You see, the form of therapy I had was gruelling. It has a high drop out rate for participants because it involves re-experiencing severe trauma every day for 3 months. For people who aren’t ready for that experience, it can cause suicide attempts. I had to trust my therapist’s word that once I was through the difficult process that it would have a beneficial effect. I had to be emotionally strong enough to get through the process safely. Fortunately, that trust wasn’t misplaced. It was helpful in stopping the compulsive re-experiencing of traumatic memories that I was suffering from. The purpose was to fully process these memories to stop them from trying to pop up all of the time.

That therapist taught me to be my own therapist, so I would be able to take care of myself in the future and I wouldn’t need her anymore. After therapy there was a lot of work that I had to do on myself because I had to learn to live my life, which was scary and painful as it meant letting go of the safety of shutting myself away from the world.

I developed chronic physical pain and health issues and I needed to learn how to deal with that. I didn’t want to live with extreme physical suffering (for 6 months I couldn’t walk) but I had hope that I could recover somewhat, so I persevered and figured out ways to cope.

Now, I’m at a different stage again. I’ve lived my life for a time, achieved my modest goals. Grown as a person like I intended to. And now I’m raising a child. I need to continue to grow in other ways. I need to teach my son things that can help him in his life, help him to be strong and to be the best person that he can be. To do that, I need to be the best person that I can be. It is no longer about understanding pain because I see my pain as manageable in a way that I didn’t in the past. I just see it as a problem to be overcome and I have the tools that I need to do that. I’m looking for the knowledge, understanding and experience necessary for what I hope to achieve in the future.

I apologise this is going to have to be a two parter. I don’t want to lose what I’ve written so far. To be continued… Take care!