Why does this remind me of the “hacking” scandal with the US political parties this year? Exact same tactic: attack the supposed source as opposed to dealing with the content of the material. In all likelihood, there is truth to your suspicions, and here is the reason I say that: when you can’t address the material, you look for supposed faults in how it was obtained, or similar. It’s a classic “magician” trick to get the audience to take its collective focus elsewhere. It’s a classic trick in trials to try to get the jury to focus on unimportant things and to miss the damning material. Be especially cautious if you ask him about wiping his phone, and he responds with “like with a soft cloth.”

Dear magnolialuloo:

Three people replied to you on this thread, I am one of the three respondents and this is the second time I am replying. On your two posts following my reply and other replies, you did not mention any of the respondents, neither did you attend to any part of the responses to your share. Nothing.

This is making me wonder if you are able to correspond with others; if in the relationship you are sharing about, if you ignored him like you ignored me and the two other respondents here on your thread…?

anita

Der magnolialuloo:

The nuances of this site allow for you to read the responses to your sharing and evaluate if there is something to consider in these responses. You are welcome to do that!

anita

Dear magnolialuloo:

It is possible that you have a deep belief that you are guilty, from a long time ago, long before this past relationship. Maybe when you were a child a parent blamed you for things you were not guilty for, but you believed the parent. And from then on, whenever someone blames you, you automatically feel guilty, you automatically believe you are guilty and it is all your fault.

Problem is sometimes it is not your fault, or not ALL your fault.

Am I correct in what I wrote on the first paragraph here?

anita

Dear magnolialuloo:

I agree: “true maturity is when you can take responsibility for your own actions.”

He did wrong, you found out, and he responded by blaming you for finding out. It is a common tactic. It almost work for him: he is guilty yet YOU feel guilty; he did wrong, yet YOU apologize! He did wrong yet you beg him to forgive you- this is absurd.

Sometimes we get confused by our feelings. In this case, you FEEL guilty (or did in the past) but you are not guilty. Don’t let him manipulate you.

anita

As hard as this is, see this as a lucky escape!
That you didn’t get him to move in with you etc, he put the ball in motion, not you.

The first thing about forgiving someone is when they can agree and acknowledge too what they have done wrong, and make amends by saying sorry, explaining the situation and generally opening up etc.. if they cannot do this, they do not deserve to be a part of your life, unless this is something you don’t mind putting up with of course!

Agree with everything everyone else has said on here though, keep your head strong, there are lots of articles on here for grieving, understanding where and why you are where you are etc 🙂