February 22, 2018 at 6:39 am #193831
I met this girl back in 2011 when I was doing a year abroad on the East Coast (I'm originally from France) and we got along very well and got pretty close at some point. I went back to Europe and finally moved to California in 2014. I was still in contact with her through FB every now an then though. back in June 2016 we met in NY for a weekend although nothing was specifically planned. I felt the same attraction again and we literally spent hours talking and catching up and I could tell she was feeling the same way. Unfortunately, she's been in relationship with someone for 5 years (red flag…) but told me how different they were on so many levels (political, personal…) and made me think that she was not really happy about her relationship. We kept contact over a year through social media and she reached out to me on Valentine's day 2016 at 6:30AM (and days before) saying that we needed to catch up…I tried to called her later in the day and got no answer.
I left her a VM and she never returned my call. I was really frustrated and felt terribly so I chose to shut shut down my Instagram to make her miss her. I started posting pictures and posts on FB instead every now and then and she liked pretty much all of them but still wouldn't reach out. My birthday comes and she posted both on my wall and her a picture of us in NY….I waited a day and texted her to say thanks. We were back on track for a month and she started to reach out to me to ask me about things regarding fashion. Again, I felt she was trying to get my attention and I told her that she should ask those things to her boyfriend…No answer from her…I left two weeks go by and finally opened her to her saying that I liked her but that I knew she was in a relationship and didn't expect anything from her.
No Answer for a couple of days and that's when I decided to unfriend her from FB. I finally re-opened my Instagram account a few weeks after that and first thing she does is liking the first picture I posted…I felt that she was playing some mind games so I decided to message her saying that it was time for me to cut contact with her. I blocked her on Instagram and even though it's been 4 months she's still on my mind…She used to post everyday and now she would barely use it. Even though I feel like I was played I can't stop thinking that I should unblock her and that my reaction was immature. What so you guys think I should do? Reach out to her and apologize or do you guys think I've made the right decision?February 22, 2018 at 8:11 am #193883
I think you made the right decision. She was not available and had a boyfriend. She should not have “teased you” by saying you both should catch up..then you don't hear anything back from her. This is very disrespectful behavior to you. It all sounds like too much drama on her end and too complicated, and you deserve better. You did your best trying to reach back to her. I don't think what she did was right.
Even though she said her and her boyfriend were “different” does not mean she does not still love him. Let's say you were to unblock her, again..the same thing..she would be liking your pictures, insincerity, and you would become frustrated once again. I think you are doing the right thing by “no contact” maybe there might be a chance if she breaks up with her boyfriend, but if she does, she needs to call you, instead of sending you “likes” and texts on Social media which seem very impersonal.February 22, 2018 at 8:23 am #193887
I don't feel you're in the wrong here. By the sounds of it, she was playing mind games. Honestly, it seems like she liked the attention you gave her and she knew by doing subtle things such as liking your posts, it would keep you interested to some degree. That's really not a very nice thing to do. If she felt her and her boyfriend were too different, that is something for her to deal with before encouraging other people. Essentially it sounds like, you gave her the attention she perhaps felt she was lacking in her relationship.
If she really wants to contact you, she'll find a way. If you unblock her, chances are she'll continue to do the same thing.February 22, 2018 at 2:08 pm #193977
thanks for your answer. Yes, I think you’re right and although it feels bad to realize that I was being used I’m not sure she realized exactly what she was doing.
Blocking sounds immature but it’s probably the best way. One thing I’ve noticed though is that she’s used to be very active and a friend a mine told me that she now barely posts. Could it be a sign of of change from her or just that she misses the attention?February 22, 2018 at 2:12 pm #193979
Thanks Eliana. Even though I feel that blocking someone could be childish I think it’s the best way to go for now. You’re right, I think if people want to find a way to contact you they will, no matter what blocked or not.
I even think that unblocking would do quite the opposite than attracting her…February 22, 2018 at 2:26 pm #193981
If you truly want to move on from this relationship then it probably won't serve you to trying to track and figure out her current behavior. That is your past. You can expend more energy being involved in her life in some manner or fashion but what would be the point? What purpose would it serve you?
MarkFebruary 22, 2018 at 3:27 pm #193993
I don't think it's immature, it's a matter of doing what is right for you so in time, you will not have to think about why she does certain things.
It may well be that now she doesn't have anyone to try and grab the attention of, she posts less frequently. However, it's best to try and avoid thinking of her motives for that. Blocking her was so that you could move forward, and not be caught up in what feels like a game, right? So it's best to remember you're closing a chapter on that, and be mindful when you're ruminating on her motives to distract yourself.February 23, 2018 at 4:33 am #194029
Reads to me that this woman has been and is very busy with Facebook. She probably has these birthday notices that pop up and when yours did, she sent you a message with photos. Otherwise, she liked this and that at many people's FB accounts, and not responding consistently. I don't think she necessarily played mind games with you (from what you shared) or that she used you, but that she was busy, distracted, inattentive to you.
You were attentive to her, paying attention to what she communicated to you and when, keeping track of this, but she didn't, probably doesn't know who said what to whom and when.
Blocking her is a way for you to reduce that attention to her. If I am correct then the blocking will not matter to her much. The effectiveness of blocking will be only to help you give up on her in your life.
February 23, 2018 at 2:33 pm #194141
- This reply was modified 7 months ago by anita.
True! it is just a bit hard for me to let go as I would have never imagined to be in such a situation with that person.
What bother me the most is probably the fact that I have to deal with the fact that I'll probably never receive an apology from her now that she's blocked or not even an explanation as to why she acted this way…
@anita: yeah…she could be busy with social media but I'm really sure that she wanted to get my attention when she was doing all those things. I'm also very sure that we were both very attentive to each other's behavior but the difference is that I'm not a big fan of mind games and I will eventually tell the person what's on my mind on day or another.February 24, 2018 at 6:35 am #194233
At the end of your original post you asked: “What so you guys think I should do? Reach out to her and apologize or do you guys think I've made the right decision?”- meaning, two days ago you thought she was playing mind games with you but you were not sure.
Yesterday, you wrote to me: “I'm really sure that she wanted to get my attention… I'm also very sure that we were both very attentive to each other… I'm not a big fan of mind games”-
Do I understand correctly then that two days ago you were unsure about whether she played mind games with you, that is was not honest with you, and true to yesterday you are sure about it, and therefore you are at peace with blocking her?