I just talked to him (over text). Apparently his anxiety is acting up. I understand he’s scared. He’s leaving his home for the first time. New place, new people, new country altogether. He’s nervous. We discussed our future. He started off by saying that if we survive these two years we’d end up together no matter what. When I started hitting him with worst case scenario questions his answer changed to I’ll keep fighting for you until I give up and succumb to my parents. I think this is my cue. I think I’ve gotten the answer. I think this is the end. Maybe he’s not thinking thoroughly since there’s a lot of things in his mind at the moment.

I don’t know. What should I do? Should I wait for him to get settled there once and then talk about this? Please help!

Dear Anita

I just joined this website and I realised you’re kind of a celebrity here. Everybody listens to you and you give the best replies. I was waiting for you to guide me so thank you so much for hearing me out.

I completely agree with everything you’ve said. I know it’s the end of the road for us but it’s just love makes you stupid. There are two things in my mind though- 1. Should I give him a few more days to think with an open mind since he’s dealing with anxiety because of moving to a different country? 2. We don’t know why his mother hates me so I just wanted to talk to her once so that I actually know where’s she coming from. I used to have green hair 2 years back and she especially mentioned that we want somebody with black hair (I find this comical plus I’ve dyed my hair black long time).  I feel she think I’m a crazy lady which I’m not. I want her to know how good I am as a person. Should I do that? I work in the social development sector!!!!!!!

She definitely doesn’t want him to study there. It took a good amount of convincing for him to study abroad. We are of the same religion and sort of same caste but different states. Plus, our financial and social status are also similar. Both of us come from middle class families. I don’t think she believes in astrology because my boyfriend (potential ex boyfriend) has never mentioned that. I was her son’s only friend who had gone to hospital with him for his chemotherapy in the year 2011 and the only one who stood by him during that hard time. And she knows because I even used to visit him home.

That’s why I can’t wrap my head around the fact that she hates me. I’ve been in his life for over 15 years and not even once has she ever mentioned me or even asked him to stay away from him.

I just want to do this for my mental peace. This is something that would always bother me.

Dear Anita

He did his bachelor’s and started working for an MNC. He worked there for 3 years and now wanted to study further. This is not a traditional route for a career in his family and hence they were skeptical. Also, his father lives away from them because of his job and he’s the one taking care of his mother. He’s been taking care of her since forever. This is also the reason they didn’t want him to leave. He’s a good son though.

And I want to talk to her in person if she allows. I know what I’m getting myself into but I guess I have to take a chance.

Also, should I feel betrayed that he’s leaving me when he was the one who claimed to have loved me for 15+years and this is one of the reasons I started loving him back?

There are so many emotions running inside me. I’m taking all of this in a positive way at the moment but I know the reality would hit me soon once we stop talking altogether.

Dear Anita

Thank you so much! This interaction realy helped me calm my nerves. I know the journey is going to be hard but I’ve walked that path before.

Thank you so much for taking out time. Always grateful! And you’re amazing! 🙂

Should I be feeling betrayed? Last year when he told me about his mother not liking me, I tried to end things. I don’t know if I could’ve actually done that. I tried atleast. But he didn’t let me. He told me that he’d make everything right and his final stand was that he’s neither leaving his mother, nor me and that he would seek help of his cousins. But nothing happened! He made me stay in this relationship. Though, it was the best year for our relationship I now feel betrayed.

He knew for 6-7 months that he need to talk to his family before leaving for the U.S. but he waited till the very end. Literally, a day before. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he told me he will do this whenever the time is right. And that he’s too occupied with his GMAT and interviews and visa application and what not.

Writing here, it’s slowly making me realise that he kind of, sort of loves me but not enough I guess. I’m not on his priority list. The last time when we met, I asked him what are his future plans and he started talking about his career and that’s it. When I asked him that you never mention me in your future, he simply said that if he wouldn’t have a career that he has dreamt of, we wouldn’t be happy. It doesn’t really matter if I am in this equation or not. It’s either his family’s happiness or his happiness (which I guess is only the career). He wasn’t sure that his parents would ever agree to let him go and study abroad. He said he’ll go, no matter what- at any cost. I saw this passion in him which completely lacks in my case. He’s ready to fight his parents when it comes to the career but apparently not for me. I too am a career oriented woman but I also understand the importance of family and everybody who is close to me.

I should feel betrayed.

P.s.- It is our second anniversary tomorrow.

Dear Anita

You always manage to say the right things. My family and friends have been saying the same as you and even I know that’s true, it’s just better to hear from somebody who’s not coming from a biased view. I’m mentally preparing myself to start moving on.

Also, there are a lot of emotions bottled up inside me. There are a lot of things that I want to say to him. We haven’t yet broken up. I’ve given him sometime to think about and process the situation (I know you had adviced me against it). I did it because I don’t want to be the reason for our breakup, that I didn’t give him time. So if and when the break up happens, should I just let it be or should I spew all this venom inside me. Maybe I want to do it so that he doesn’t think breaking up is a piece of cake. You just say its not working and disappear.

Should I vent my anger or wish him the best for the future?