This is what I was saying about myself back on Jan 11, 2022 having no idea at the time that I was saying it. Below are my words above, changing pronouns:

I was a victim of an unstable, unreliable, unpredictable angry mother who terribly mistreated me- an abusive, crazy mother, an anxious restless woman who looked to me to calm her anxiety, to make her feel good- single mindedly focused on what I may be doing wrong.

Although she has suffered from anxiety and low self- esteem way before I entered her life, she was looking at me as the cause of her anxiety that way preceded me, blaming me for what I had no part in causing. Whenever she was not okay, it had to be my fault, something I did wrong.

Complaining, demanding, arguing, trying to control me- she exhausted me. Her accusatory, blaming finger kept pointing at my direction.

I was never the cause of her anxiety and anger, but she assigned me with the responsibility nonetheless, attacking my very character, referring to me as arrogant, selfish, etc.

I (tried to) accommodate her requests, but she was never satisfied nor grateful. (It was) my fault, my lazy habits. Her anxious mind kept looking for what is wrong (with me).

GETTING ANGRIER, distrustful and controlling, she didn’t give me the space I needed.

She looked for the problem and the solution in my behavior, not in her behavior.

I felt I was suffocated, that I wasn’t making my own decisions. I felt that I no longer loved her.

I tried to comfort her, she tried to make me feel guilty.

She did not accept responsibility for leading the relationship along a very dysfunctional path. Instead, she blamed me yet again. She kept blaming me.

She never started the healing process from her childhood wounds. She did not examine her defeating behaviors.

I was very attached to her, unable (for many, many years), to permanently remove myself from a relationship that did me a great disservice.

Anita