@sia-9 I read this and had to respond because it is insane how much I can relate to this post that you have written. I’m probably not the best at giving advice but I definitely wanted to give my perspective.

So in my situation, I am the guy in your story. Let me give you some background info to set this up. Me and my ex broke up last year, and at the time, she was 23, and I was 27. We were together for 3.5 years and lived together for about 2. The reason for the breakup, that she told me, was that she felt like she needed to be single and to be on her own. She wanted to travel and possibly do peace corps work after she finished college and all that. She definitely didn’t want to do long distance relationship and didn’t want anything to hold her back really in what she wanted to do and what she wanted to experience.

Of course it was definitely the most difficult thing to hear and go through. It took a very long time for me to get to where I’m at today going through all of it, and I still feel it at times.

In the beginning I of course didnt want the breakup to happen, and she was very hesitant about it as well. But it was something she felt she “needed” to do. I couldnt understand it at all at first. If things were going so great like she said, if she loved me so much like she said, if she wanted to get married to me one day like she said, then why would this happen and why would she be doing this? In her eyes she felt like she couldn’t do and experience what she expects to experience with me in the picture, which is how I imagine you must feel.

After thinking about it all over a years time now, I definitely have a much clearer understanding of it all. We all have to take care of ourselves and do what we have to do. It’s our own life, and no one can make it for you. You’re not being selfish for wanting to do what you want to do. You shouldn’t let anyone hold you back from that. Ya, it will and must be hard to breakup and to go through this. And it sucks. It just sucks.

But if you don’t try this and do this, you’re going to look back later and think of all the shoulda woulda couldas from this decision, and what might have come up from you traveling and living single. You said yourself that you don’t really feel the same with him as you did before. I’m not trying to be negative but it’ll probably keep going that way until you two would eventually break up anyways. Sure, things could change and get better, but honestly, what are the chances that you are really meeting “the one” or your “soul mate” at 18 and staying together forever? It’s slim. Not saying impossible, but slim. I’m just being realistic.

Lot of rambling on here and I’m pretty sure I didn’t even say everything I wanted to say, but my main point is you have to take care of yourself and your wants. You’re allowed to be selfish and find what’s right for YOU because you’re the only who can run your life and if you want to do it, then do it. You’re young and dont have the responsibilities of say, a child. This would be the time to do it while you still can. I’m still trying to apply all of this I’m saying and understand it as well, but I know that I wouldnt want to look back and regret the things I didn’t do or try that I wanted to.

And thanks for posting all this as well, it gives me a possible perspective that I wasnt able to get at all from my ex, during all of this during our breakup.

I hope this somewhat helps a little. and I know it’s probably weird for me to encourage you to breakup and do your own thing knowing how it felt since it happened to me. But I definitely understand the necessity of it because I definitely wouldnt have wanted to be with her and having any sort of regrets or resentment towards us or me because she was afraid to let go and leave to do what she really wanted.

Do what you will, and find what you love and desire. Don’t hold back.

You are not being selfish at all. You are being true to who you are and that is the most important thing.
You are so young and have been with your boyfriend since you were eighteen and this is a time when you need to explore and decide what you want.
You have decided and now you must do it!
I know how you feel because I am in a similar situation and as hard as it is I know I must make the decision that is best for me.
If you were supposed to be with him at this time of your life you would know it. You wouldn’t be able to imagine your life without him in it.
Take your time and be true to yourself.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am 24, about to be 25. My ex and I were together for just about 5 years when he told me he wanted to go “live life”. I of course was devastated and heartbroken and told him I wanted to live life with him but that’s not what HE wanted. I was mad at him for a bit but grew to learn he had every right to pursue his happiness. My point is, don’t feel guilty about wanting to begin your own life journey. He will be sad for a little while, as will you but like bruises,they heal even when it hurts really bad at the moment.He will be ok and will accept your decision with time, and will begin his own adventures.

I can relate to this in many ways even though I’m young. I’m 20 and I’ve been with my boyfriend since I started high school. As a kid we grew up together became best friends, we broke up half way through and eventually got back together. He works a lot in other countries and I go to university so we can never see each other often. I find that we speculate what could happen when he’s gone and we always plan to break up but it just never happens and when it does we get back together because of the guilt, it’s just so overwhelming. But I’m at a turning point in my life and I haven’t got in touch with any of my friends or really make an effort in university possibly because I feel like I’m in my comfort zone with him. When I’m by myself and he’s away, I feel jealous, anxious, lonely and the cons of the relationship start to add up. And then when I see him everything seems like it’s supposed to be and I have my special person back, this is a guy who tells me he loves me everyday, but then again I kinda start to feel unappreciated because he doesn’t really do romance which is what I want. I want to be taken out on dates, and bought flowers, is chivalry really dead?! I feel like I’m older than I should be. And because we’ve been together for so long I feel like my friends and family expect us to be together which is a lot of pressure. I don’t want to feel like I’ve failed the relationship but I also don’t want to feel this feeling of guilt.
Should I have broken up with him? After all our track record suggests that we will. Which makes me doubt myself and feel even more guilty. He’s a great guy. Can someone out there give me advice?