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  • #378905
    Nae
    Participant

    How do you deal with being betrayed and lied to in a relationship. I really tucked my heart away so I didn’t feel all the things I feel now. I fell deep in love with a man that pursued me for over 4 years. He turned out to be the worst man I have ever come across. He broke my heart and it weird because I still love him. I broke off the relationship but I just miss him and I wanna call him everyday but… I don’t know what to do. I can’t speak to family or friends because they all literally hate him so maybe you guys can help, hopefully.

    #378914
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Nae:

    You fell deeply in love with a man, and then he lied to you and betrayed you.   You broke up with him, but you still miss him, and feel love for him.  You asked how to deal with being betrayed and lied to in a relationship-

    – You broke up with him but you also “wanna call him everyday… don’t know what to do”, meaning that you are considering getting back together with him in some form or another. This means that his lies and betrayal were not yet a deal breaker for you, not as far as your heart is concerned.

    You told your family and friends about his lies betrayal, and as a result, “they all literally hate him”, and you have no one to talk to about it all. You are welcome to talk about what happened right here, and I will read and reply.

    anita

    #378968
    Anagha Sonde
    Participant

    Hi Anita – May I reply to this post?

    Dear Nae,

    I was exactly in your situation a few years back. I was in relationship with this man for 4 years. He forced me for sex and abused me. Moreover he went abroad and betrayed me and lied to me. That was still not enough for me to hate him. There were many times when I wanted to break the relationship myself but he kept emotionally blackmailing me and got me back to be his girlfriend. Finally when he went abroad he found someone there and broke up with me. I could not come to terms with it. However bad he was to me, my woman’s heart still felt like and still feels like wanting to talk to him. But then what will I talk to him after all these years. What explanation will he give? I am sure whatever he says, I will have a counter argument and the conversation will never end. It will only make me cry and want him back. So it is best to view this way. Start loving yourself. This is the time that God has made you realise that you should be there for yourself. Apply makeup. Dress beautiful. Cook. Start journaling. Write all your questions in the journal and answers too. You will become stronger. Start improving the lives of people around you. Get active in social media. Get admitted to some groups where you can contribute. You should be the center of your life now. He was just a karmic debt that had to be finished. You should not swallow your spit. He is gone and good riddance. There will always be people who are better than him. Who can love you more than him. And one such person is you. Pamper yourself. Fall in love with God. Hear and heed to God’s voice in your head. You will definitely see that things will fall into place. You can always express your feelings here. Anita really helped me get over my depression.

    #378974
    anita
    Participant

    * Dear Anagha Sonde: of course you can reply here (and anywhere), I am glad that you did. I think that your reply is excellent and I hope that Nae will read it and benefit from it.

    anita

    #379163
    blue
    Participant

    Hi I am 38, I just had sex for the first time and I broke up; I worried about virginity, will any prejudice from my later boyfriend if they know i have lost my virginity? Thanks for your advice

    #379764
    Maria
    Participant

    Hi blue,

    Well, first, did you like it? I mean, was this your want to lose virginity? If yes, so my congratulations! You’ve opened a new pleasant side of life. 🙂

    I met no man who would have thought that his woman who’d lost her virginity before they met is a problem. At least, no adult one. But I’ve seen many comments on social media from Russian men, and hell, there are so many ill-mannered people. Most of them already have their own families! I just hope this is the way for them to let out their rage because consulting a therapist is still considered “a complete waste of time and money.”

    You are a grown-up woman who decides on her life herself. Don’t let anyone demean you for that. No person has the right to humiliate others for that. If any of your future boyfriends thinks you’re “spoiled,” “frivolous,” or “an easy girl,” that only means they’re close-minded jerks. And he’s absolutely unworthy of your attention.

    With all the respect,

    Mary

    #379963
    Anagha Sonde
    Participant

    I am from India particularly from the south and here families are very orthodox. It is expected that a girl remains a virgin before accepting a man in marriage. But I have had friends who lost their virginity to their boyfriends before marriage and had terrible breakups as well. They did not marry the guy they lost their virginity to. But they did not tell their future husband that they are not virgin. They told that they had boyfriend before but they did not get physical. I think it is best to maintain this way since you wont be triggering the male ego either. Do not tell your future husband or boyfriend that you are not a virgin. It will save you some slack.

    #380012
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Maria,

    I read with thanks. Thanks again, your consultation is of great help to me at this time.

    #380013
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anagha,

    Yeah I know, hic, it is a concern to me. But I am not sure I will meet any single man later at my age :((

    Thanks a lot for your advice

    #380018
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Nae,

    I think half a month since your post so I hope you are better with the break up. I am undergoing through break-up like you but hurt by physically. Before I also underwent spiritual hurt by breakup; it is all about thought; after 10 years looking back i feel it is silly of me; now i exerience physical hurt, i think spiritual hurt is not as painful. But with time, I think we will be ok. The best way for you and me now is to find something healthy to keep us busy not to vae time to think about break up

    Love

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