Broken up after long distance

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This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.

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May 24, 2018 at 11:02 am #209221

Sofia
Participant

Hey friends!

I could use some advice here!

7 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me after dating 2 years. We had an amazing relationship but we did have some problems in the last couple months because I was going to move away to another country and that was stressing us out and therefore caused some problems. Nevertheless, we trusted each other and knew we loved each other so we decided to try long-distance.

It wasn’t too bad but after 2 months he decided to visit me and broke up with me for a couple reasons:
1. Both of us were going to study more than 3 years in different countries

2. We are young (18 years old) so we have our whole lives ahead of us

3. Long distance was very hard for him

4. The stress and the problems we had those last months

5. We might meet other people since we are going to other places

6. ESPECIALLY because we were going to be at least 3 years apart

Still, he said that he didn’t really want to do this but he felt like it was necessary and that he really wanted to be close friends or intimate friends. We tried but I believe he felt we would still be in love so he stopped being friends at all. After that, I was devastated for a while, still contacting him but after one month I decided it was time to let it go.

So I haven’t contacted him for 6 months now, I focused on myself, became buddhist as well and been happy so far! But I still feel like we were soulmates and it is just so unfortunate we had to separate because of the distance. I feel like he still loves me too but doesn’t admit it or contacts me because he doesn’t want to suffer and make me suffer as well.

He is going to Amsterdam next year, I live in London and I feel like we could have another chance now because London-Amsterdam are close by but I’m scared to contact him or try it again since I feel like he is going to ignore me and I also want to give him space and the opportunity to go to Amsterdam alone and live his life.

What do you think I should do? Should I try and contact him or should I just let it go?

Thank you for reading and helping me 🙂

Much love,
S

May 24, 2018 at 1:08 pm #209247

Mark
Participant

Sofia,

He broke up with you. It sounds like the reasons he gave has not changed. If he wants to get back together then he will contact you.

Mark

May 25, 2018 at 3:24 am #209319

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sofia:

From what you shared, he reads like a very logical young person, ruled by logic. Is it so?

You wrote: “I feel like he still loves me too but doesn’t admit to it or contacts me because he doesn’t want to suffer and make me suffer as well”-

this is your assumption and may not be the truth. Generally he probably doesn’t want to suffer, true to most people, if not all. But it may not be true that he still feels love for you. It may be that he is not enduring a loving feeling for you that is hard for him to admit to.

Better not make choices based on unverified assumptions. If you choose to contact him, ask how he feels and how he is doing. Then base your choices on that information.

anita

May 25, 2018 at 5:16 am #209341
Inky
Participant
Hi Sofia,

My instinct here is not to contact him. Since he broke up with you, let him be the one to contact you next year.

Yes, you have your whole lives ahead of you, and if he is your soul mate you can absolutely pick up where you left off when you’re out of school. But if you’re not soulmates, you will find out anyway if it’s not working. Nothing lost!

Best,

Inky
- This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
May 25, 2018 at 4:06 pm #209423

Sofia
Participant

Thank you all for your advices!

Just to clarify to you, anite, yes, he is a very logical young person. he is very emotional too but he is ruled by logic, that’s mainly why i say he might still hold loving feelings for me, because he hides his emotions often when that is something that causes suffering and also because it was very hard for him to leave the relantionship, he didn’t want to etc.

but you are probably true in the fact that i should’ntmake assumptions.

i’ll be here and if he wants to contact me, then so be it, if not, well, i’ll coninue my life 🙂

May 26, 2018 at 3:16 am #209461

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sofia:

You are welcome. Regarding your clarification, I understand. Yet, over time one’s feelings for a particular person change, so better verify assumptions before acting on them, a general recommendation.

I hope you post again if you need to.

anita

May 26, 2018 at 9:54 am #209449

Jenny
Participant

In my opinion, you should let it go. The time, studying at school and other things will help you. If you can not, you try to contact him as an old friend. If he still loves you, you can show your love. Unless, you should kip it in your mind. The time fly and you will forget. Do not make you life stuck cause one thing in the past. Start you life again without him.

I hope you happy and can find another one who can love you as you love!

Sincerely!

Jenny

My email: jennyvo0510@gmail.com

Skype: ngocdung1090

June 1, 2018 at 7:11 pm #210411

Sofia
Participant

Anita and Jenny,

Thank you for your posts again and sorry for the late response.
I feel like you are terribly right like all my friends say – that I should let go and that I will find somebody else. I usually respond with “don’t get me wrong, I know I will, I just truly believe we had a meaningful and deep connection that is rare and that our break up was just unfortunate and unfair for both of us”.

In one hand, I really hope I can keep him ‘in my life’, either as a friend or maybe more but, in another hand, I know that if I see him, all the work I’ve been putting on to be happy by myself and ‘forgetting’ him, all of that will just vanish.

You both said “if you choose to contact him, ask how he’s feeling and how he’s doing” and “if you can not, try to contact him as an old friend”. Those are exactly my intentions, nothing more then that (at least if he doesn’t show any love for me) but that made me confused to whether or not I should contact him: only because I feel like now I have a window open to contact him, something I didn’t before.

However, I do intend to try and keep the distance, hoping he will reach out to me but not focusing on that, focusing on myself and my happiness. It’s just hard to see your loved one growing up so separate from you…

I also feel like this isn’t a ‘big problem’ because it seems so obvious that I should (already) have to let him go, but that’s why it’s being so hard for me after 7 months because I feel like we have a unique bond.

Thank you for your help!!

S

June 2, 2018 at 2:25 am #210441

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sofia:

You are welcome. Reads to me that it is better for you to not contact him. After all he did break up with you and it has been a long time since he did, seven months ago.

You wrote: “I know that if I see him, all the work I’ve been putting on to be happy by myself and ‘forgetting’ him, all of that will just vanish”.

Clearly, better you don’t contact him. Aiming at no longer hoping that he will contact you is a good idea, I believe. You can’t help feeling hope, but when you do, you can insert a thought into that hope, a thought like: he broke up with me seven months ago. The relationship is broken, gone into the past.

anita
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