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Can't deal with being lonely

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  • #35375
    GreenLady121
    Participant

    I have always been quite a loner, but I’ve always had at least one close friend, until now.
    I just recently got out of a 2 year relationship that left me in a wreck due to him being violent towards me, it completely took my trust away, and instead of supporting me all of my ‘friends’ have left me… either just stopped replying to texts/emails without any explanation etc or I’ve had my 2 closest friends, one closest of 7 years, more like sisters (or so I thought) she messaged me yesterday to tell me she can’t be bothered with me anymore and doesn’t want to be friends, 2 days earlier my other close friend told me i was too much bother and a burden and blamed loads of things on me and said she can see no benefit from being friends with me. Now I have no one…not one friend…. I know its pathetic but I’m constantly crying out for friendship on Facebook, constantly posting about how lonely I am, and not one person has shown concern. I also suffer severe depression and anxiety which makes things 10 times worse. I don’t know what I’ve done apart from being beaten by my ex and left damaged by it…which isn’t my fault. I’ve always stuck by all of my ‘friends’ through thick and thin, I’ve always been there for people, I’m constantly trying to help people and I’m even trying to train as a holistic therapist because of my need to help people. But I’ve been left alone with no one… I have no one to talk to, no one to meet up with, most nights I just cry myself to sleep and find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. I can’t deal with it and its killing me

    #35382
    Anita
    Participant

    Dear Sarah,

    I understand your feelings, that lonely feelings. Especially it would be harder if you have had bad experiences with your partner… However, not only you have the lonely feelings, most of people do feel lonely nowadays, including myself…So let’s chat and share our sadness as well as happiness together through this site, let’s have self compassion with ourselves as well…

    Love

    Anita

    #35389
    becky
    Participant

    Hi sarah!
    I know exactly how you feel.. I have just came out of a long-term relationship too and feel like I am all alone now and that noone cares about me. By reading your post I can tell you tend to do the same thing that I do – tell people how you feel in the hope that they will be there for you and care about you more. From my experience though it never happens (sure there are some people out there that would but I am yet to meet them lol), kind of realised lately that you can’t rely on anyone for your happiness as nearly everyone will let you down. I know its hard cause I suffer from depression too and so many times I have wished that people would just be there for me more & care about me.. but just remember if thats how these so-called ‘friends’ treat you then your better off without them in your life! Its better to be all alone than have friends that dont care & treat you like crap.. You seem like your a lovely person (as you can tell from wanting to help people – I am also going to start studying to become a nurse next year for the same reason lol :)) and have just had alot of bad luck but you deserve better than this, and it will get better! Just give it time & dont settle for second best – even with picking friends, if they can’t see how lucky they are to have you then thats their problem but many people will & will appericate you for who you are 🙂
    Seems like we are going thru similar things & I know how much it hurts so I really do feel for you 🙁
    Hope your okay and I know I dont know you but if you need to talk.. Im here! x

    #35391
    Janice
    Participant

    Hello Sarah and Becky

    Like you both, my life has not been the greatest up to now, that is how i feel right now, but when i am feeling okay about life I can see that my life has had some sparkling moments. Due to childhood that was not the greatest I have grown up relying on me and am quite a loner because I realised long ago that the only person who you can truly rely upon is yourself, however this does lead for a lonely existence and when things go wrong in your life there is no one to help or turn to, but reaching out is scary because we risk being hurt. Friends should be non-judgemental and should be there for us, just as we would be for them, if they cannot be then this says more about them than us and it just means a better friendship is out there for us.

    If i can support in anyway I am here x

    #35460
    Ruben
    Participant

    Nobody should be all alone.

    Sarah, I know it can’t ease your pain, but I am sorry for what has happen to you and I’m sorry that you have felt alone for so long. I know what it’s like to feel so alone. To wish for someone, anyone, to talk to you, to text you, to think of you at any point the day, so that you will know that at least the thought of you crossed someone’s mind even if it was just for a second. To walk amongst crowds and still feel like you’re walking alone in the streets. To feel hopeless and worthless. Wondering what has to be wrong with you to not be able to receive a simple hi, even when you’ve done as much as you could possibly do, gave as much as you could possibly give to a friendship or relationship. To be alone staring at your phone, in the hopes it would ring and you could finally be consoled by the sweet melody of someone else’s voice.
    I’m know that I’m no one special. I’m just some guy from across the net, but I want to assure you that you don’t have to be alone. Not anymore. Because I would like to be your friend, if you would be so kind as to have me. A person with a heart as big as yours is a rarity in our world and I would be honored to be able to say that I know someone like yourself.

    #35464
    connie
    Participant

    Sarah,
    I too am struggling with feelings of loneliness. Together with depression and anxiety, the feelings of being alone and lost in the world can be very very painful. I’m still recovering from a break-up from a 7-year relationship. Rest assured that you are NOT alone even though your “friends” are no longer supporting you. Try writing your feelings down in a journal, know they are only temporary – as real as they are – they will NOT last forever. I’ve recently checked into doing some volunteer work so that I can break away from these feelings of being so alone. I’m so glad you posted in this forum and am sending you lots of light and love – you are not alone. I hope you can feel the love I’m sending.

    #35470
    GreenLady121
    Participant

    Thank you for the replies everyone, its nice to know that there is people who understand how I’m feeling right now. Although I am sorry to hear other people are feeling this way, I wouldn’t wish loneliness upon anyone.
    Carl – You just described Exactly how I feel, I have a bad habit of constantly checking my phone just hoping that there will be a text from someone, but there never is 🙁
    I would be happy to be your friend 🙂 And anyone elses, I’m not quite sure how this website works as I’m really new to it so if anyone wants to add me on facebook here is my profile : https://www.facebook.com/GreenLady121?ref=tn_tnmn
    If anyone wants to chat to me feel free to add me on fb or to send me a private message on here (if thats possible on this website)
    Becky – I wish you all the luck in the world with studying to be a nurse and think that its fantastic that you want to help people 🙂
    Thanks again everyone x

    #35497
    Stephanie Brooks
    Participant

    Sarah, I understand your feeling of loneliness and the constant need to feel wanted. I think what you have to do is truly look inside yourself and figure out what kind of people you want in your life. It seems as if your friends that have left you and the people that are on Facebook are part of the problem and it might be a good idea to remove yourself from this situation. Don’t bother to be friends with people that are just going to cause you more anxiety and depression. I have had some friends in my life that I had to let go of, as much as I didn’t want to, and it was the best decision of my life because I did not feel anxious about those people anymore and and I soon found more friends that don’t make me feel that way and now they are my best friends. When it comes to Facebook, I find it is only going to make your situation worse because you are probably comparing yourself to other peoples’ profiles and wanting their attention also. I gave up Facebook for a while and it was great because I found myself having true relationships with people instead of just checking up on other people and being sad that their lives looked much better than mine. I think it is a good idea to take a break from facebook and to focus on yourself and what kind of people you really need in your life in order to be happy. There are soulmates and friends out there for everyone, but it is all a matter of looking in the right places, so do things that you make you happy and you will find amazing people along the way that will accept you for who you are. 🙂

    #35830
    Sara Lindsey
    Participant

    Hi Sarah

    I hope my input here will help you see you are not alone. I am 47 and had a pretty good life until 2009 when my world fell apart….i mean literally…i lost everything including my sanity. What i went through is still affecting me and i have been spinning out of control ever since trying to fill that void. I have moved countries and back again numerous, times tried different things that my friends thought were mad until i realised i didn’t have any friends anymore. I was the “loose cannon” Now i am a rock bottom with no job no money but i have one friend who has stayed with me through all and even though i am still beating myself up emotionally (and drinking and smoking heavily…something i never did prior to all this…)

    So i decided to get help and went into a clinic for severe depression, paranoia, anxiety and general feelings of hopelessness.

    There has to be an end and a way out…sometimes we have to fall apart but at some stage we have to climb out and never be afraid to ask for help, professional help that i know from experience, friends ca’t deal with and will back off as they did to me.

    Due to the decisions i made in my life, life will never be the same, ever but we just have to have faith and keep going forwards…step by step…….

    My warmest Regards to you…..and alll others who post here…..

    #35831
    Sara Lindsey
    Participant

    Hi Sarah

    I hope my input here will help you see you are not alone. I am 47 and had a pretty good life until 2009 when my world fell apart….i mean literally…i lost everything including my sanity. What i went through is still affecting me and i have been spinning out of control ever since trying to fill that void. I have moved countries and back again numerous, times tried different things that my friends thought were mad until i realised i didn’t have any friends anymore. I was the “loose cannon” Now i am a rock bottom with no job no money but i have one friend who has stayed with me through all and even though i am still beating myself up emotionally (and drinking and smoking heavily…something i never did prior to all this…)

    So i decided to get help and went into a clinic for severe depression, paranoia, anxiety and general feelings of hopelessness.

    There has to be an end and a way out…sometimes we have to fall apart but at some stage we have to climb out and never be afraid to ask for help, professional help that i know from experience, friends can’t deal with and will back off as they did to me.

    Due to the decisions i made in my life, life will never be the same, ever but we just have to have faith and keep going forwards…step by step…….

    My warmest Regards to you…..and alll others who post here…..

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Sara Lindsey.
    #35856

    Hi Sarah,

    I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I have been there and know how hard loneliness can be.

    I agree that getting yourself off of Facebook will help you a lot. And professional help can be life saving at times.

    One thing that also helped me is to GIVE what i was seeking. For e.g: I would suggest looking for ways to share of yourself and your unique gifts in some way. Maybe you are good with pets? Or you enjoy reading and you could read to folks in hospice care? Or you love science and kids and so could volunteer at the local museum where you share that with kids who visit? Or maybe you like running so join a local runners club that runs for a cause you believe in….When we share what we are good at and help others, you will first feel so good about yourself, and second, beautiful friendships could enter your life.

    I wish you lots of friendships, love and peace,
    Kavetha

    #35860
    Simon
    Participant

    I know just how you feel, too. I’ve always been shy and only ever had a few close friends. I went to university and left my high school friends behind. I made friends at college, but as soon as I left, they all dropped off the face of the earth, it seemed. I was working at a department store and had friends there, but I had to quit a year ago (I developed a back problem that prevented me from being able to perform the duties of the job) and I NEVER get a call or a text or a Facebook message asking me to hang out. I had a really good friend, we considered ourselves each others best friend, there, and she hasn’t spoken to me at all. When I tag her in a Facebook note or write on her wall, the most she will do is ‘Like’ it. I know that we have grown apart, but it’s just a shame. I feel hurt that she is able to let me go so easily, you know?

    I live alone and that is another reason why I’m lonely. I also have NO money, as I am still unable to work, to go out and take classes or visit places, and I struggle even with volunteering because I can’t be on my feet for more than a few moments. It’s a really difficult time in my life right now.

    Just know that there are others out there who are able to sympathize with you 🙂

    -Si

    #35862
    John
    Participant

    As I read through all of these posts, my heart goes out to all the lonely individuals in this world.

    I too feel very lonely, but, the thing is, I’m rarely alone. My social calendar is filled to the brim almost everyday. I have my family nearby, I join clubs and meet new people, I interact with people at work, I go out with friends, I date, and sometimes, I even have relationships.

    But the underlying thread or rather threat of loneliness is always there. It feel like it has its hooks me and won’t let me go. The moment I do find myself alone, its like I’m the only person on the planet. Everyone has completely disappeared or it feels like they’ve forgotten about me completely. Rationally I know that they haven’t, but it feels like they’re all having an amazing time somewhere out there with one another and I’m not.

    When I hear about people’s adventures, I’m jealous I wasn’t invited. When I am with people, I’m constantly thinking, “Is this it? Is that all there is? Where are the real connections that will help me rid myself of this loneliness once and for all and why am I not making them?”

    I’m wondering if simply more friendships or relationships is not the solution to my problem. Anyone else experiencing this kind of loneliness?

    #35896
    John
    Participant

    Just a quick reply to my own post. After writing the above, I started googling my symptoms and I came across something called “Existential loneliness”, which is different from interpersonal loneliness and can’t be alleviated by more social connections.

    http://personalitycafe.com/general-psychology/3024-existential-loneliness.html

    I guess there really is nothing new under the sun.

    Hope this help others who may have resonated with my description.

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