Can't forget some things she said

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This topic has 33 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 5 months ago by Peck.

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October 12, 2019 at 2:16 pm #317515
Valora
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I just want to say I agree with Peggy, I think your real problem is that you’re focused on what you feel you don’t have rather than focusing on all of the things you do that are attractive… and I do not agree with Anita that your relationship is dead, necessarily, and I would not say she doesn’t love you. You haven’t really said enough about the situation for us to know that. I want to remind you of this, too:

She seemed to feel that I was upset and she said she would become more careful about filtering her thoughts, which she has done and which I appreciate. As we talked though she avoided or deflected my real concern that she found me unattractive.

You came to her with a concern and she said she would become more careful, and she has. That is her hearing you. She listened to what you said and responded in a way you appreciated. However, she likely avoided or deflected your concern because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings by whatever she’s feeling, especially once she realized her comments before were hurting you and you were upset, why would she want to hurt you more?

Also, I do think you WERE able to come to her with your feelings because you DID and she changed her behavior. I think that says something good that’s worth noting.
- This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Valora.
October 13, 2019 at 12:03 am #317545

Peggy
Participant

Hi Valora,

Thank you for your support – your above post also hi-lights what really matters in my opinion.

Hi Peck,

I want to send you a big thank you for reminding me of the day I was compared to a celebrity. I was spending some time at the seaside with my fiance, messing around in the sea, and as I was walking back to the shore, he said “You look like Ursula Andress (the famous scene from the James Bond movie). I’m sure she’d be eating her heart out if she knew. I hadn’t spent hours in make-up, gone through countless rehearsals, there were no clever camera tricks and no physical aids other than the bikini I was wearing. (I’m not deluded enough to think that I actually look like, or ever looked like, Ursula but the memory made me smile).

Best Wishes

Peggy

December 12, 2019 at 4:01 pm #327335
Peck
Participant
I returned to this discussion today, not having seen the last two comments until now.

Valora,

You said;

“She listened to what you said and responded in a way you appreciated. However, she likely avoided or deflected your concern because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings by whatever she’s feeling, especially once she realized her comments before were hurting you and you were upset, why would she want to hurt you more?”

I think this is accurate, but while it does show her concern to not hurt me with what is likely a truth that would do just that, it doesn’t change that truth, does it? I can’t yet figure out how to be happy that she still wants to be together, but on terms that don’t work too well for me, which doesn’t seem very self caring. And I know I have a choice and by staying I’m choosing, but other than the nobility of choosing, there’s not much appealing about my options. I’m not angry at what you wrote, but it does clarify some things I’d rather not face, however necessary it is that I face them.

And Peggy,

I had to laugh a little at your comment. I mean I’m glad you had that memory. Maybe I’m actually better looking than my doppelganger, since he had the benefit of lighting and makeup, and I’m all unadorned over here. Yeah, maybe that.

I kind of hate the idea, but I think I have some unrealized hopes to mourn.
- This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Peck.
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