My opinion for what its worth is that you must respect her decision and stay away. It hurts, but that is the life is and the best you can do is learn from the experience and deal with the issues that got in your way.

Hi AnErW,

It’s not just the cheating, you know. It’s the drinking. And how you only cheated when you were drunk. And how her final straw was when you were drunk.

I say stay away from her for a year. Then call her up and tell her that you realize that if you had never been drinking you wouldn’t have cheated. That you’ve been sober for a year and will never drink again.

Then, if you’re a very lucky young man and her love is true, then you might have a future with her.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hey,

Try and sort everything else out in your life first. You cannot rely on another person for stability or happiness. I have to tell myself this a lot too, and it has helped me through break ups. If you try and sort yourself out in all other aspects, work on yourself, your happiness,  on your financial and logistical situation, on your other aspects of life, making friends (you’re using couchsurfing and I met many great friends through couchsurfing so don’t feel alone!), having hobbies or things that you enjoy. Meeting new people, whether friends, flirts or just to interact is also very good for your confidence and being sociable in a time when internally you feel alone. If you work on this, then you’re in a better place to have a relationship in the first place.

Through this process, two things can be happening. On the one hand, you’re positively acting constructively for yourself, and not relying on another person for your own well-being. On the other hand, you automatically become a more attractive person to be with, and that includes potentially eventually for the girl you love. Regardless of the drunken mistake (which is very painful for her), I think the problems would have come to a head at some point if everything was so intense plus you only took the job for her. Speaking from experience. Don’t keep thinking you’ve blown it all because of the drunken mistake. But nevertheless you can learn that about yourself and become more aware of your drinking and that behaviour.

It’s time to give yourself time and energy to try and turn things around yourself -if it helps keep it at the back of your mind that once you’ve dealt with yourself you maybe can get back together in the future- until the point that you feel good on your own. It takes time, but honestly I think it’s the most constructive way to deal with the heart break pain and give yourself a chance.

I have seen to many people get hurt when they don’t respect when someone they care about has asked them not to contact them again. (After having all the usual post break up conversations, drama and such. There are usually at least three such encounters – three strikes and your out.)

If you keep calling and telling her you are getting help and going to change, bla, bla, bla… It might work for a time but the odds are against the relationship working out.

If you feel that you need to change then you must do that for yourself and not place that burden onto her. Perhaps once the work is done you might call her, however you must be prepared to learn that she has moved on.

If in time she should wants to contact you, you must be careful that your ready as its likely you will fall back to old habits.  You can’t step in the same river twice.