Dear WeebFloppa:

You’re caught between knowing that leaving might be the healthiest choice and fearing the finality of losing her and the love she’s given you. Here’s the thing—love isn’t something you force, no matter how much you want it to work. You wanted to grow deep feelings for her, you tried, but something in you just didn’t meet her in the same place. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and it doesn’t mean she’s unworthy of love—it just means something fundamental isn’t clicking. And it sounds like you’ve already realized that staying is not solving the problem.

It’s understandable that leaving feels cruel, but staying in a relationship that doesn’t feel right—out of guilt or fear—only prolongs the pain for both of you. It keeps her hoping for something you aren’t able to give, and it keeps you in a place of emotional numbness instead of moving toward something that could bring real connection.

The kindest thing you can do—for her and for yourself—is to be honest. If your heart isn’t in it, let her go with love and respect, so you both have the chance to heal and find something truly fulfilling. It won’t be easy, but sometimes the hardest choices are the ones that free us.

Whatever you decide, I hope you give yourself permission to choose what feels most honest, not what feels safest.

Again, choose what feels most honest, not what feels safest.

You deserve clarity, and so does she. Sending you strength as you figure this out.

Anita

Dear WeebFloppa:

You asked, “Is it not possible for this to work out somehow and for my feelings toward her to grow?… Are you sure I should just leave with honesty and clarity, then begin a journey of healing?”-

No, I’m not sure—especially after reading your most recent post.

You shared about two women: your “current girlfriend” and your “past ‘love'”. You wrote, “At the beginning of our months-long relationship, my girlfriend and I were still thinking about our past loves. She apparently stopped thinking about her ex after getting with me, but I couldn’t match that performance… My past ‘love’ was just someone I had talked to, not a relationship, and it’s true it took a great deal of effort to stop thinking about her. But I haven’t been thinking about her for some months now and thought that now I can be all in with my girlfriend.”-

Perhaps you were able to feel love for your past love because there was no relationship, and now, in a committed relationship, you feel emotionally numb.

You describe feeling deeply for someone you only talked to, yet becoming numb in your actual relationship. This could indicate that distance allows you to feel emotions more freely, while closeness triggers emotional shutdown.

Maybe your experience suggests avoidant tendencies, where intimacy in a real relationship feels suffocating or emotionally inaccessible, while distant, unattached connections feel safer and more fulfilling. You described your relationship as exhausting and a chore, which suggests that intimacy feels more like an obligation than a natural connection..?

This numbness may not be just about your girlfriend—it may be a deeper pattern of avoidance in relationships. Avoidant tendencies often stem from growing up with emotionally distant caregivers, harsh criticism, or overbearing, controlling parents who micromanaged their children’s lives, leaving them feeling trapped or suffocated.

I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this. Does any of it resonate with you?

Anita