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Cheated, Dumped, Alone

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Eliana 2 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #165194

    Angie
    Participant

    So I met a guy about 2 years ago fresh out of a 4 year relationship, He was smart made me feel loved and wanted but due to wanting to go out with friends and having cheated on me he dumped me, I moved on and started talking to other people. I was doing amazing when he popped back into my life, we would casually hang out, and ended up having sex. Soon there after he begged me to get back with him, and besides my brain telling me no i went with my heart. And at first felt like the best decision. We were so inlove made so many plans. He made me feel like no one could come between us, he always had my back. He stayed with me while i was sick in the hospital. He was the perfect man. Then he asked me to move in and my 2 year old. Though I was skeptical and it went against my better judgment I eventually said yes, he got me a ring and said he would love me together, we got matching tattoos. And sunday we go to a romantic dinner and right after he tells me he has to take some money to his friend, which i found out the next day was a lie, he picked up a girl he met the week before in my car with my gas then came back home to me. To put my son to bed and cuddle me. The worst part was instead of begging me to stay he dumps me. I spoke to the girl which is disgusted by him and they aren't talking. but for yesterday I felt he cares more for her then me after everything our goals our future. And till today he doesn't want me. He packed up my things, and all he can say is sorr but im not happy. The day he met this girl there was a change. but hes blaming it on me. I don't think i can feel like i do with him with anyone else. and thats my fear because last time we broke up yes i was happy but i wasn't as happy as i was. And now after being engaged it looks like it will feel worse. Thank you for reading and your opinions

    #165224

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Angie,

    Well, it's better you got out NOW than when you're married and STUCK. Him cheating on you the first time was a sneak preview of things to come. Admit it, if he continued this behavior, YOU would have packed up HIS things and told him “Sorry but I'm not happy”.

    There is a slight danger that he will try to return (especially if the new girl will have nothing to do with him and he can't find anyone right away). Or even years from now when he's not as cute anymore and he's scraping the bottom of his contacts. You are to remain strong and put your child first. That means not moving in with someone. It's too much for the child and will damage him. “My real father isn't here and now this other guy is treating my mom like crap” will be the unconscious message.

    Good Luck and Stay Strong!

    Inky

    #165240

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Angie:

    You wrote that you met a guy who cheated on you and dumped you. Then got back together. During the renewed relationship, “He was the perfect man”. You and your two year old moved into his home. He got you an engagement ring, then cheated on you again and dumped you again, packing your stuff and getting you and your child out of his home, saying “sorry but I'm not happy.”

    Any warning signs before his latest cheating and dumping? Conflicts, arguments, fights… any evidence of dissatisfaction on his part?

    anita

     

     

    #165248

    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Angie,

    I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. This man sounds very unhappy with himself and life in general. He looks outside himself for women and things to make him happy, and it does, but briefly, thereby, he “dumps them” to make matters worse, he blames his problems on you and other people. If he did this to you twice, he will most likely do this to other women, it's like a vicious cycle. He won't be happy, because happiness comes from within. I don't know if he had a bad or traumatic childhood, but this is a very unhealthy, unstable man and only he can change, with professional treatment and counseling. He may also have some sort of mental illness such as ADHD, where he bounces from woman to woman and drifting aimlessly in life or have unresolved depression. It is best not to have any contact with him, as he won't change, does not sound like he wants to, and you would be resentful and unhappy in the long run. Its best to learn from this. You did nothing wrong, so please don't blame yourself and count yourself lucky you are not in this toxic relationship anymore. You deserve better, a stable loving man who knows what he wants.

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