At seven it is unlikely there was any intent behind your brother’s actions and at 12 on the cusp of puberty little chance that you understood what was happening.

Now seven years latter you remember the experience and are judging your past self based on what you have learned since then about such behaviour.

One of the problems of memory is that it does not see clearly. When we bring up a memory we might picture specifics moments of the event but not what we were thinking and ‘knew’ at the time. We tend to fill in the gaps by projecting our present thinking and feelings into the past event which often messes us up.

Its important work to understand how our past might be influencing our present and apart of that is to understand how or present might be coloring our past.

The emotion we call regret is often identified as the least helpful I think because tends to lead to stuckness as we become fixated on an experience we cannot change and instead of compassion and learning from it (make amends if we were wrong, work to forgive if we where wronged) we beat ourselves up over and over and over.

In the current social climate of the ‘Me To’ and ‘Times Up’ movement it is understandable that such a memory might come up. I suspect many Men and Woman who desire real change in this area are also reflecting on past moments when they didn’t know better and feel shame and regret.  Some might experience a memory of regret/shame for not coming forward and speaking out in a moment of harassment. For others it might be regret for what they now understand was and is inappropriate actions. Perhaps a bit of both. It becomes complex. I suspect most people have memories of both.